Manners and Rules of Good Society, Or, Solecisms to be Avoided

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MANNEKS AND KULES

OF

GOOD SOCIETY.

MMNEES AND EULES

OP

GOOD SOCIETY

OR

SOLECISMS TO BE AVOIDED

BY

A MEMBER OF THE ARISTOCRACY
/

FIFTEENTH EDITION

ENTIRELY RE-WRITTEN, WITH ADDITIONS

LONDON AND NEW YORK ;

FREDERICK WARNE AND CO.

1888

LOHDoir:

BRADBURY, AONEW, & 00., PHIMTCBB, WHnTjrEIAR&

PREFACE.

" Manners and Tone of Good Society " having in
the course of seven years reached the Thirteenth Edition,
it was found advisable to revise it last year up to present
date; but so many innovations in Etiquette having
taken place within that time the greater part of the
work was actually rewritten, and a considerable amount
of information added thereto.

The present work contains thirty-Jive chapters, the
former editions having but fourteen. This extension
allowed many subjects to be more exhaustively treated
than heretofore, and it now includes every rule
and point that could possibly be comprehended in its
title.

The former work commended itself to the attention
of thousands of readers, and this new volume — slightly
altered in its title — has been received by Society in
general with the marked success of its predecessor.

CONTENTS.

9Am
INTRODUCTORY REMARKS xiii

CHAPTER L

THE MXANIKG OF BTIQTJETTE 1

CHAPTER IL
nrrBODVonoNs 6

CHAPTER IIL

LEATINa OABDS 16

CHAPTER IV.
PAYnra calls 29

CHAPTER V.

PBECBDENOT 41

viii Contefits.

PAOS

CHAPTER VI.

THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES ... 47

CHAPTER VII.

POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS BEGABDS ROYAL PEBS0NAGE8 . . 56

CHAPTER VIII.

POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TBAYELLINO ABROAD, AND

PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN COURTS 60

CHAPTER IX.

THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES . 68

CHAPTER X.

PRESENTATIONS AT DllAAVING-ROOMS AND ATTENDING DRAW-
ING-ROOMS 68

CHAPTER XL

PRESENTATIONS AT LEVJ^ES AND ATTENDING LEVIES . . . 78

CHAPTER XIL

BALLS AND STATE BALLS 83

CHAPTER XIII.

DINKER GIVING AND DINING OUT 95

Contents. ix

PAOB

CHAPTER XIV.

DINKSB-TABLE ETIQUETTE 118

CHAPTER XV.

BYENIKG PABTIES 119

CHAPTER XVL

WEDDINGS AND WEDDINQ BREAKFASTS 128

CHAPTER XVII.

WEDDIKO TEAS 1S6

CHAPTER XVIII.

AITEBNOON AT-HOMES . 189

CHAPTER XIX

AT-HOME DAYS 147

CHAPTER XX.

OAEDEN-PABTIES I49

CHAPTER XXI.

LXTNOHEONS . ••••.... 154

X Contents.

PAGE

CHAPTER XXII.

BBSAEFA8TB 161

CHAPTER XXIII.

PIONIOS AND WATER-PARTIES 164

CHAPTER XXIV.

JUVENILE PARTIES 168

CHAPTER XXV. .

WRITTEN INVITATIONS 173

CHAPTER XXVL

REFUSING INVITATIONS 179

CHAPTER XXVIL

WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING . 181

CHAPTER XXVIII.

COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS igQ

CHAPTER XXIX.

HUNTING AND SHOOTING 193

Contents. xi

PAOB

CHAPTER XXX.

SHAKIKO HANDS 206

CHAPTER XXXI.

CHAPEBONS AND D]£bUTANTES . 209

CHAPTER XXXII.

HOSTESSES 214

CHAPTER XXXIII.

THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES AT PUBLIC BALLS 219

CHAPTER XXXIV.

PERIODS OF MOURNINO 222

CHAPTER XXXV.

ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED 229

• 4

INTEODUCTORY REMARKS,

The title of this work sufficiently indicates the nature
of its contents. The Usages of Good Society relate
not only to good manners and to good breeding, but
also to the proper etiquette to be observed on every
occasion.

Not only are certain rules laid down, and minutely
explained, but the most comprehensive instructions
are given in each chapter respecting every form or.
phase of the subject under discussion that it may be
clearly understood, what is done, or what is not done,
in good society, and also how what is done in good
society should be done. It is precisely this knowledge
that gives to men and women the consciousness of
feeling thoroughly at ease in whatever sphere they
may happen to move, and causes them to be con-
sidered well bred by all with whom they may come
in contact.

A solecism may be perhaps in itself but a trifling
matter, but in the eyes of society at large it assumes

Introductory Remarks.

ptoportdoDB of a magnified aspect, iiiid reflects most
diaadvantageoasly upon the one by whom it is com-
mitted ; tho dii'oct inference being, that to bo guilty
of a solecism argues the offender to be unused to
society, and consequently not on an equal footing
with it. This society resents, and is not alow in
mating its disapproval felt by its demeanour towards
the offender.

Tact and innate refinement, though of the greatest
asaistance to one unused to society, do not suf&ce of
themselves ; and although counting for much, cannot
supply the want of the actual Itnowledge of what is
customary in society. Where tact and innate refine-
ment do not exist — and this is not seldom the case,
as they are gifts bestowed upon the few rather than
npon the many — then a thorongh acquaintance with
the social observances in force in society becomes
more than ever necessary, and especially to those
who, socially speaking, are desirous of making their
way in the world.

Those individuals who have led secluded or isolated
lives, or who have hitherto moved in other spheres
than those wherein well-bred people move, will gather
all the information necessary from these pages to
render them thoroughly conversant with the manners
and amenities of society.

This work will be found of equal service to both

Introductory Remarks. xv

men and women^ as in each chapter the points of social
etiquette to be observed by both sexes have been folly
considered.

Those having the charge of young ladies previous
to their introduction into society, either mothers,
chaperons, or governesses, will also derive much useful
and practical information from the perusal of this
work, while to those thoroughly versed in the usages
of society it cannot fail to commend itself, containing
as it does many useful and valuable hints on social
questions.

'MANNERS AND RULES OF
GOOD SOCIETY.

CHAPTEK I.

TUG MEANING OF ETIQUETTE.

What is etiquette, and what does the word conyej ? It
I is a poor one in itself, and falls very far short of its wide
application. Ifc has an old-faaliioncd ring abont it, savoar-
ing of stiffness, primness, and punctiliousness, whiuh renders
ifc distastefnl to many possessing advanced ideas, and jet the
word etiquette is not so very old either, as Johnson did
not include it in his dictionary, and Wallier apologises
for introducing it into his, and according to the authori-
ties he quotes, it is supposed to be derived from stiohos,
Btichus, atichetus, stickctta, and from thence to etiquette.
But whether derived from the Latin or the French —
and many incline to the latter opinion — tliere is no
doubt that could a new word be found to replace this
much abused one, it would be a welcome addition to our
vocabulary. TJie word has unfortunately become associated
in our minds with forma, ceremonies, and observances, in
on exaggei'ated degree ; and it has been so constantly mis-
used and misinterpreted and misnnderstood that ridicule
""md contempt have been most unjnstiy and untiiirly thrown

I
I

2 Manners and Rules of Good .Society.

upon it. The true meiming of etiquette cau hardly bo
(leBciibed in dictionary parlance ; it embraces the whole
gamnt of good mamiera, good breeding, and true politenesB.
One of the reasonB which have no doubt conti'ibnted to
bring the word " etiquette " into disrepote, ia the manner
in which the subject has been handled by incompetent
people, who, havmg but a very hazy and obscure knowledge,
if any knowledge at all, yet profess to write guides to polite
manners — rambling and incohlrant guides, which not only
pi'ovolce a smile l^m those better informed, but mislead
and bewilder anyone rash enough to consult them, without
previous inquiry as to whether they are safe to follow. A
little caution on this Lead would insure the most correct
and reliable work being secnred amongst so much that ia
unreliable. Some people read ei'erjthing that ia written on the
subject of etiquette, not only those who are ignorant and wish
to learn something of its laws, but those who are thoroughly
well versed in them and who, one might suppose, had nothing
to learn ; still these latter like to see what is written, to
feel the satisfaction of being supported in their own know-
ledge by a well-informed writer ; or of finding amusement
in the absurdities gravely advanced by someone writing
from another sphere than that where savoir vivre reigns.
Othei's attach a very narrow meaning to the word etiquette,
and neither accept it nor understand it in its trtte Bense ;
they have an idea that its rules influence and govern society
in general Rules of etiquette arc from their point of view
but trammels and sbackels, let them be cast off or burst
through, say they ; let everyone do as he likes, let all
behave as they like, we are in a free country, why should
we not wipe our mouths upon the tablecloth if wo please ?
Others again, devour books of etiquette on the qnict, they
are very much in want of instruction as everyone knows,
but they have not the courage to confess that they are
aware of this want, and arc trying to pick up some know-

Meaning of Etiquette.

I
I

Ige of this kind to be useful to them ; as tlieir aim is to
rise in tlie social scale, they would not let their friends know
for worlds about this new study, but tliey know it, and find
tbat they have improTed, that they do not commit as many
gaitc/teries as heretofore ; still, they have caught the letter
rather than the spirit of etiquette, they have read the ruks
it prescribes, and act up to them as far as tieir memories
serve them ; but they have failed in one essential particular
of understanding that courtesy, consideration towards others,
and unselfishness are the sources of true politeness from
which etiquette springs.

There ia an idea amongst some few people who have
mixed little in the world, and moved but in one fixed
groove, that the more esalted the sphere, the more perfect
the manners. Ifc is needless to attempt -to refute such a
fallacy as this, hut merely to assert that examples of the
most perfect manner are to be met with not only amongst
those who can boast of long lineage and high birth, but
also amongst those who lay claim to neithei'.

Our present code of etiquette is constructed upon the
refinement, polish, and culture of years, of centuries.
"WeaUh and luxury, and contact with all that is beautiful in
art and nature, have in all agca exercised a powerful iuflnence
on the manners of men ; we do not say on the times, as
unfortunately these advantages did not reach down to the
many but were confined to the strictly few ; but in these
modern days the many have come, and still como, withia
the charmed circle ; tlie ring broadens, ever widens ; it ia
not now as in oldeu days that "Their lot forbade." On
the contraiy, the possession of weaUh or of talent ia the
open sesame to the most refined and cultured circles. The
ward etiquette is too narrow for all it embraces ; it
most be viewed in a double light, and he taken from a
moral point as well as from a conventional one. A
kindly nature, and an unselfish spiiit are never wanting

4 Manners and Rnks of Good Society.

ia true politeness, but the convent ionsili ties of society
give the finish and completeness to the whole, tlie colour,
as it were, to the picture. lu Bome the conventional
spirit ia uppermost and they have but at beet a surface
polish. In others the kindly feelings of the heart are
allowed full play, and no act of genuine politeness is
omitted or left nudone in their intercourse with their
fellows, and these graces of kindly politcnoes linger in' the
memory, trivial though they may have been, years ail«r
one has lost sight of this true gentleman or thorough lady,
and one says of him " What a charming man he was, how
courtcouH and considerate, and how kind ! " and of her,
" She was the sweetest and prettiest-maiinered woman I
ever met."

It is only given to the very few to be thoroughly and
unaffectedly charming without a shadow of self conscious-
nesB or effort. To assume a would-be charming manner
for the moment, with the desire to be unusually pleasing
to some one in particular, does not confer the enviable
reputation of having a charming manner. It does not sit
easy enough to be altogether natural ; it conveys the idea
of being put on for the occasion, and, like all other imita-
tions, it hai-dly pleases and seldom deceives. Etiquette
and true politeness would have ua go fuither than this,
and our manners of to-day should be our manners of
to-morrow, and not variable according to place and persons.
The world is quick to not« these uncertain demeanours, and
every one's measure is readily taken and retained.

Tlie rules of etiquette are indispensable to the smooth
working of society at lai'ge. Take, for example, the
etiquette of precedency, in force both in public and in
private : on every public occasion, and in every private
circle, precedency steps in to render assistance, and is as
necessary in the smallest private circle as in the largest
public gathering, because it assigns to every one his or her

I

pltico OS far as claim can be laid to place. Mistakes iu the
matter of precedency are not only committed by those who
hare enjoyed few social advantages, but by tiiose also who
have had everything in their favour. Young ladies, for
instance, when married from the school-l^Dom, as it were,
often make grave mistokeH on the ijuestioa of precedency,
if they do not ignore it altogether.

The etiqnette of card leaving and that of paying calls
are indisputably necessary and only the very ignorant
would attempt to gainsay their utility ; without these aids
to order and method all IntereourHC between fiiends and
acquaintances would be nucertain and chaotic ; as it is
thcie is little excnse when the right thing is not done, and
any depaiinre from the simple rules laid down on these
heads, is the best possible proof of the standing, position,
and associations of the one at fault.

Any one point of etiquette if brought to the bar of
common sense would be prononnced reasonable, proper,
and sensible ; and there is strictly speaking no question of
etiqnette that cannot be thus judged and upon which a
like verdict would not be given. There is no one rule of
etiqnette that can be described be absnrd or ridiculous,
arbitrary or tyrannical, and taken collectirely the rules are
but social obligations due from one jierson to another.
^Tiy should we not he a well-mannered people ? why
should we not be refined, cultivated, and polished in our
demeanour and bearing ? Why should we not seek to
charm if we can ? Why should we not cultivate and
encourage in ourselves consideration, though tfulaoss, and
gi'acioueness towai'ds others in the smallest details of daily
Life?

CHAPTER II.

raTRODtlCTIOKS.

iNTRODDCTiosa, or introducing pcraonH not preTiously
acquainted witli cauh other, require a considerable amount
"of tact and discretion on tlie part of those making them.

There are ceremonious introductions and unceremonious
introdnctions, premeditated introductions and unpre-
meditated introductions j but, in all eases, introductions
should never he indiscriminately made—that ia to say,
without a previous knowledge on the part of those making
tbem as to whether the persons thus introduced will bo
likely t« nppreciate each other, or the reverse, or nnlesa they
have expressed a desire to become acquainted. For instance
ft lady should not introduce two of her acquaintances
lesidiug in a country town or watering place, moving in
different circles, nnless they have each expressed such a

Ak undesieed ktroduction, if made, compels the one
to whom it is the most unwelcome, to treat the other with
marked coldness, or to continue an acquaintance that is
distasteful.

Should the slightest doubt exist as to how an introduction
will he received— whether the meditated introduction is a
tpontancous detire on the part of a lady or gentleman, or
whether one person expressed a wish to make the acquaint-
ance of another person and expressed that wish to a mutual

' friend — the received rule is to consult the wishes of both
' persona on the subject before making the introduction.

When a differe.\ce of hakk exists between two persons,
it woald be sufficient to ascertain the wishes of the person
of highest rank alone.

A pci'Hon about to make an introduction, should say to the

one Indy, bat not in the hearing of the other, " Mrs. A ,

may I introduce Mrs. B to you ? " or some such

formula, according to the degree of intimcay existing
between herself and Mrs. A. (See " Society Small Talk." )

When two Indies are of equal rank, the wishes of the
person should bo consulted with whom the person making
' the introduction is least intimate.

In the case of one person having expressed a wish to make
' the acquaintance of another there remains but the wishes
of one person to ascertain.

Acquiescence haying been given, the introduction should
[ be made.

In making an introduction, the lady of lowest rank
should be introduced to the lady of bigliest rank ; in no
case should the lady of highest rank be introduced to the
lady of lowest rank. This point of etiquette should always
be strictly observed.

A GSSTLEMAN SHOULD ALWAYS BE INTRODUCED TO A

Lady, whatever his rank may be, without reference to her

1 rank, whatever it may be. This nde is invariable, and is

issed upon the privilege of the sex — "place aia: daiiien."

It is not usual to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to

' whether he will be introduced to a lady or not, although at

a ball it ia usual to do so when the introdnction is made for

a special object, viz., that of obtaining a partner for a lady ;

and as a gentleman may be cither nnable or nnwilling to

ask the lady to dance, it ia incnmbent to ascertain before-

' hand whether the iutioJuction is desired or not, otherwise

8 Manners and Rvks of Good Society.

the introduction wonld bo of no avail for llie pnrpoBO, and
proTe a disappointment to the lady.

" Would yon like to be introduced to Miss A. i" " oi'

Bome such polite phrase (sec " Society Small Talk " ), is the
sort of forranla by which to ascertain a gentleman's wishes
as' to an introduction in the ball-room ; as ball-room intro-
ductions are nnderatood to mean an intention on the part
of a gentleman to ask a lady to dance or to take her in to
supper.

In general societyj gentlemen are snpposed to seek, rather
than to avoid the actiuaintance of ladies, irrespective of
whatever sets in society to which thoy belong. It is
immaterial to a gentleman in which set in society his
acquaintances move, and he can be polite to all without
offending any in their several circles.

With regard to his own sex a gentleman is generally as
exclusiTe as to the acquaintanceships which he forms, as is
It lady with regard to the acquaintanceships which sJie
forms. Reciprocity of taste is the basis on which acquain-
tanceships between men are established, subject, in a
certain measure, to social position ; though this rule is
itself subject to wide exceptions.

It is the rule for a gentleman to ask a mutna! friend, or
an acquaintance, for an introduction to a lady, and it is
the received rule to do so when a gentleman desires to be
introduced fo any lady in particular ; but gentlemen do not
ask to be introduced to each other, unless some special
reason exists for so doing — some reason that would
commend itself to the person whose acquaintance was
desired, as well as to the person making the introduction ;
otherwise, such a wish would appear to be either puerile or
sycopbantic, thus tlie request might meet with a refusal,
and the proffered acquaintanceship be declined.

Wires IXTRODUCTIONS ATUi MABE BETWEEN LaDIES, Bll

%-, an I

Introdttdions.

unmaiTied lady should be introduced to a married lady,
unless the unmarried lady is of higher rank than the
married lady when the rule ia reversed.

The correct formula in use when making introductions is

" Mrs. Z , Lady Z.," thus mentioning the name of the

lady of lowest rank first, as slie is the person introduced to

the lady of highest rank. " Mrs. X , Lady Z.," is all

that need be said on the occasion by the person making the
introduction. When the ladies are of equal rank it is
immaterial which name is mentioned first ; but there
generally exists sufficient difference in the social position of
the two ladies to give a slight distinction in favour of the
one or of the other, which the person making the intro-
duction aliould take into consideration.

When the introduction has been made, the ladies should
[ bow to each other, and either lady should make a slight

I

It is not nsnal for ladies on being first introduced to
each other to shake hands, but only to bow ; bnt there arc
very many exceptions to this rule.

When one lady is of higher rank than the other, should
she ofier to shake hands, it would be a compliment and a
mark of friendliness on her part.

When a person introduces two intimate friends of iiis or
here to each other, they would be expected to shake hands,
instead of bowing only.

The relations of an engaged couple should, on being
introduced, shake hands with both bride and bridegroom
elect, aa should the intimate friends of an engaged couple ;
as also should the relations of the two families on being
introduced to each other.

It is the privilege of the lady to be the first to offer to
shake hands, in every cafic, when a gentleman is introduced
to lier.

A lady should shake hands with everj-one introduced to

lo Maimers and Rules of Good Society.

her in her owa house — that is to say, whether the person is
brought by a mutual friend, or ia present by invitation
obtained tlirough a mntunl friend.

At BiNJTEit-PAKTiES, both small nod large, the hostess
ahonld use her own discretion as to the introductiona she
thinks proper to make. It is not cnstomary to make
general introductions at a dinner-party ; but in sending
guests down to dinner, who are strangers to eaeh other, the
host or hostess should introduce the gentleman to the lady
whom he is to take down to dinner. It would be quite nn-
iiecessary to ask the lady's permission before doing so. It
would be sufficient to make the introduction a few moments
before dinner was announced, and the usual formula is,
"Mrs. A., filr. B. will take yon in to dinner," A bow is
the recognition of this introduction. '

When the majority at a dinner-party are strangers fo
each other, a host or hostess shonld introduce one of two of
the principal guests to eaeh other, when time allows of its
being done before dinner is served j such introductions are
oftener made at country dinner-parties than at town dinner-
parties.

A hostess should, in some instances, introduce ladies to
each other in the drawing-room after dinner if the oppor-
tunity ofTere, and she considers it advisable to do so.

As a rule a host seldom introduces gentlemen to each
other in the dining-room after dinner, as they address each
other as a matter of course on such occasions.

A hostess should introduce her principal guests to each
other, at five o'clock teas, garden-parties, small " at homes,"
&c. — that is to say, gentlemen to ladies — for the purpose
of their taking the ladies to the tea-room. In this case
also, the introduction should be made without previously
•consulting the lady ; and a gentleman, knowing the reason of
introdoetion, should at once proffer the expected civility.

■ility. J

Tntrodttctions.

At these gatheriiigB n hostess shotild use her own dis-
ss to any genera! introdoctionB she thinks proper to
lake, and should introduce any gentleman to any lady
ffithout prcvioualj consulting the lady if she thinks the
btrodnction will prove agreeable to her.

"When introducing ladies to each other, she should give
larried ladies, and ladies of rank, the option of the intro-
tnction ; bnt should introdQce young onmarriod ladies to
ii other if she thinks proper.

"Whes Callers arrive simultaseouslt, the hostess
' should introduce them directly or indirectly to each other,
if there is no social reason to the contrary.

When a hostess la aware that lier visitors do not desire

each other's acquaintanceship, or, if she considers that the

introduction is not altogether a suitahle one, agreeable to

both persons, she should not make it, but conrcrse with

. .each visitor in turn, at the same time not allowing the

wwnrersation to become too genera!.

■ At large gatherings, persons desirous of avoiding each

Fother'a acqaaintanceahip, could be present at the house of

ft mutual acquaintance without coming into direct contact

with one another, providing the host and hostess possessed

BufRcienfc tact and disuretion not to attempt to effect a

trapinvc/iemcnt between them.
At Countbt-house Pabtibs, the hostess should intro-
duce the principal ladies to one another on the first day of
their arrival ; but if it is a large party, introductions should
not be generally made, but should be made according to the
judgment of the hostess. The fact of persons being gacsts
"a the same house constitutes in itself an introdaction, and
t rests with the gaests thus brought together whether the
KCquaintanceship ripens into subsequent intimacy or not.

The same remark applies in a degree to afternoon teas
Vd " Eit homes." The guests converse with each other if

I

1 2 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

inclined to do so. The act of bo n %vi nld n t n

stitute an acquaintance-ship, altl n h t m 1 1 nd
some circumstances, establish a I w ng ae j tan hi
especially between gentlemen.

Ladies should not bow to each th aft nl s: i a g
ing a few remarks at afternoon t a at a g d n pa ty
unless there were some particular e al 1 k b t n ll
to warrant their so doing, in whi h th lady of h h t
rank should take the initiative.

iKTRODUCTiosa AT PtJBLic Balls.— It IS erroueous to
suppose that it ia the duty of stewards to make introduc-
tions at public balls ; it is the exception, and not the rule,
for stewards to introdace persons to each other who arc
strangers to themselTes.

Society objects, and the stewaiTls object, to making pro-
miscuous introductions, on the following grounds : first, as
regards the chaperon, whether mother or relative, who has
the charge of a young lady ; then as regards a young lady
herself; and last, bnt not least, as regards the position
occupied by the steward himself. A chaperon naturally
looks and feels displeased when a steward who ia a stranger
to herself offers to introduce a man who is evidently a
Etranger to hira, which fact she gathers by his saying,
" This gentleman wishes to be introduced to your daughter,"
or by his asking the stranger his name before making the
introdnction. A chaperon is responsible for the acquaint-
ances a young lady forms while under her charge at a balJ,
and if amongst her own friends ajid acquaintances she can-
not find partners for her, she would prefer that she spent
a comparatively dull evening than that she should rnn the
risk of forming undesirable acquaintances.

Toung ladies have not always the discretion possessed by
their elders, or sufficient knowledge of the world to do the
right thing. Thns, some young Indies would either coldly

r decline tlie introduetlons, or if the introductions were made,

would as coldly decline to dance, wliilet others, anxious to

dance, would accept both tlie introductions and the partners,

and take their chance as to whether their brothers would

like to see them dancing with strangers thns intraduccd,

I A steward iiimself particularly dislikes to be made re-

I eponsible for a man he does not know ; and whetlier a

I diaperon and a young lady are old friends of his, or whether

they are merely new acquaintances, they equally trust to his

not introducing men to them whom they would not care to

I know, and of whom he knows nothing save that they have

[ Bolicited an introduction to them.

Very few stewards care to accost a lady whom they merely
[ know by sight and by name for the purpose of introducing
I a stranger ; they prefer to decline to make the introduction,
I on the plea of not hariug the honour of the lady's acquaint-
\ ftnce.

Stewards consider that the position of a young man must
I be a peculiar one, and his presence at a ball somewhat of
a anomaly, if he does not possess an acquaintance in the
I room, through whom he can become known to one or other
I of the stewards, or through whom he can be introduced to
I any particular lady with whom he may desire to dance.
When a gentleman is introduced to a young !ady at a
pubhe ball, it generally means that he is introduced to her
as a partner, and that though he may not ask her for the
next dance, he will for a subsequent one, or that he will at
least ofTer to take her in to supper, or, if earlier in tlie even-
ing, tfi give her some tea, or if she declines these ciiilities,
that he will continue a conversation with her nntQ the next
■ dance commences, or until a dance is over. When a gentle-
\n does neither of these things, but walks away as soon as
e introduction is made, it is a proof how little he desii-cd
Nt, and that doubtless the option was not glYen hhn of
' ingit.

14 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

Good-natnreil frienils of both Etxea know how difficult it
ia to get partners for well-dressed, well-mnnncred, good-Iook-
icg girls at a ball, unless tlicy ore more than ordinarily
attractive in some way or other, in which case they are
popular and sought after, and the only difiiciilty rests with
the young ladies themselves as to how they shall best appor*
tion the dances bo as to satisfy their numerous partners, or
persuade their chaperons to stay for one more dance which
they have promised to, itc, &c.

. It is a well-known fact iu the ball-going world that the
majority of young men insist upon being introduced to the
most popular giria in a ball-room, and refuse being intro-
duced to one who does not appear to have plenty of
partners.

Public balls are in reality made up of a number of small
parties and different sets, each set or party being entirely
independent of the other.

At county balls the county people take large house-
parties, and each houBe-party does or does not mingle with
other house-parties, according to standing or inclination.

If three large house-parties join forces at a ball they form
a Tery imposing majority ; but there are other sets in the
same ball-room, dancing to the same band and adjourning
to the same supper-room, equally apart and equally distinct.

At balls held at watering-places, although the residents
do not take large house-parties, yet they join forces with
those residents with whom they are acquainted, reinforced
liy friends who come down pui-posely to be present at the
ball. Thus, on the face of it, a steward's iutrodactions
cannot fail to be ill-received, in whatever set he may be
coerced into making them ; and it is well understood that
introductions, to prove acceptable, should only be made
through friends and acqnaintances, and even then with tcct
and judgment.

As the stewards of a ball are nsiially the most influential

1

lential j

Introductions, 1 5

gentlemen in the place, it naturally follows that they are
acquainted with many, if not with all, of the principal people
present, therefore when they make introductions it is not by
virtue of their ofiSce, but simply as a matter of friendship,
and through being personally acquainted with those intro-
duced by them.

CHAPTER IIL

1,EAVINQ CARDS.

The etiquette of card-leaying is a privilege which society
places in tlio hands of ladies to goyem and determiae their
acqnalntaiiceships and intimacies, to regulate and decide
whom they will, and whom they will not visit, whom they
will admit into their friendship, and whom they will keep
on the most distant footing, whose acquaintance they wish
further to cultivate and whose to discontinue.

It would seem that the act of leaving cards is but
imperfectly understood, and that many erroneous impres-
aiona prevail respecting the actual use of visiting cards.
The object of leaving cards is to signify that a call haa
been made, dae civility shown, and n like civility expected
in return.

Leaving cards, or card-leaving, is one of the most
important of social observances, as it is tho gronad-work
or nucleus in general society of all acquaintanceships.
Leaving cards, according to etiquette, is the first step
towards forming, or towards enlarging, a circle of acquaint-
ances, and the non-fulfilment of the pi'escribed rules is a
sure step in the opposite direction. The foIlowiDg is the
received code of card-leaving in all its details according to
the etiquette observed in good society by both ladies and
I, and should be faithfully followed.

A Lady's vismsa Card should be printed in small.

Leaving Cards.

17

clear copper-plate type, and free from any Iviud of eiiibel-
Ihhment as regards ornamental or Old English letters. It
ahonld be a thin card and without glaze, and the size three
and a half inches in depth, or even smaller.

»The name of the lady should be printed in the centre of
the card, and her address in the left-liaud corner. If she
has a second address, it should be printed in the opposite
corner of the card. If the second address is but a
temporary one, it is usually written and not printed.
A married lady should neror use her christian name on a

I card, bub she should use her husband's christian name
ibefore her surname if his father or elder brother were
Jiving;.
■ It is now considered old-faahiored for husbands and
wives to have their names printed on the same card,
Bilthough at watering-places, the practice of having the two
jiames on the same card, " Mr. and Mre. Dash," is still
■■occasionally followed ; but even when the.=e cards are used,
lalady and gentleman still require separate cards of their
*iTn.

■ A lady having a lar^e acquaintance should keep a visiting
book, in which to enter the names of her acquaintances,
and the date wlien their cards were left npon her, with the
dates of her return cards left npon them, that she miglit
know whether a card were due to her from them, or whellier
it were due to them from her.

A lady having a small acquaintance would find a
memorandum book sufficient for the purpose ; a Hue should
be drawn down the centre of every page, dividing it into
two columns, tl'.e one column for the names, and the
opposite column for the dates of the calls made and
returned.

Leaving cards principally devolves upon the mistress of
i house ; a wife ehonld leave cards for her husband, as well
Kw for herself ; and a daughter for her father. The master

r

1 8 Maimers and Rules of Good Society.

of a IiouEC has little or no card-leaving to do, beyond
leaving cards upon hia bachelor friends.

Between ladies the etiquette of cnrd-leaTing is very
strictly followed nnd punctiliously observed \a all its laivs.
Some ladies labour under the mistake of supposiug that
on their arrival in town or elsewhere, their acqnaintances
should first call on them, but common sense would alone
point to the contrdry, even if there were no etiquette in the
matter ; as friends cannot be supposed to guess at this
fact, they therefore require to be officially informed of it by
means of visiting cards being left upon them.

Visiting cards should be left in person, and should not
be sent by post. Under certain circnrastanceB a servant
might be allowed to leave them for his mistress, delicate
health, distance, or unfavourable weather would be perhaps
sufficient and good reasons for sending cards by a servant ;
but, as a mle, ladies invariably leave their cards themselves.
It was formerly the custom, on arriving in town for ladies
having a largo acquaintance to send their visiting cards to
their various friends and acquaintances by a man-servant,
but this practice is now more unusual than usual, it being
found more satisfactory for ladies to leave cards themselves.

Jjadies arriving in town or country should leave cards on
their acquaintances and friends to intimate that they have
arrived, or retamed home, as the case may be.

The Eoutike op Card Leavino. — As regards the
routine of card-leaving when driving, a lady should desii'e
her man-servant to inquire if the mistress of the house at
which she is calling is " at home." If " not at home " she
should hand him ihrefs cards : one of her own, and two of
her husband's ; but if her husband's name is printed on her
card, one of his cards only would be required ; her card is
left for the mistress of the house, and her husband's cards

r both master and mistress.

I

IVhen a lady is merely leaving cards, she should hand the

three cards to her servant, saying, "For Mrs. ." This

ensures the cards being left at the right address, and is the
correct formula for the occasion.

When a lady ia waiting, and finds the mistress of the
house at which she calls, ia "not at home " she should act
as above.

When a lady intends making a call she should ask if

" Mrs. is at home ? " and if the ansiver is in the

BiErmative, she should, after making the call, leave lico of
her husband's cards on the hall table, and neither put them
in the card-basket nor leave them on the drawing-room
table, nor offer them to her hostess, all of which would be
Tery incorrect ; but she might on reaching the hall hand
them to the man-servant silently, or she might send them
in by her own servant when seated in her carriage, saying,
"For Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She should not leave her own
card on the hall table, as, having seen the lady of the house,
the reason for doing so no longer exists.

When a lady calling is accompanied hy her husband and
the mistress of the house ia at home, the husband siiould
leave one of his cards only, for the absent master of the
house ; when the master of the house is at home also, a
card in that case should not be left.

When the mistress of a house has a grown-np daughter
or daughters, the lady leaving cai-ds should turn down one
corner of her visiting card-^the right hand comer gene-
rally — to include the daughter or daughters in the call.
This custom of turning down a corner of a visiting card
signifies that other ladies of the family besides the hostess
■are included in the call. A foreigner often turns down the
end of a card instead of one corner only, which has the
■amo signification.

A lady should not leave one of her husband's cards for

I Manners and Rules of Good Society.

tlie daughters of ilia liouse, but she not nnfrequently leaves
Ill's card for the grown-up sous of the house.

When a lady iutenda learing cards on a friend who is the
gticst of some one with wliora she is unacquainted, she
should only leare cards for her friend and not for her
J'riend's hostess ; but if she is slightly acquainted with her
friend's hostess she should leave cards upon her on the
occasion of her first visit to her friend, hut it would not be
necessary to do so at every subsequent visit, especially if
they were of frequent occurrence.

Young ladies should not have visiting-cards of their own \
their names should be printed beneath that of their mother
ti her card. In the case of there being no mother living,
the daughter's name should be printed beneath that of her
father on the iisnal lady visiting-card, but never on the
snialler cards used by gentlemen. When young ladies are
taken out into society by relatives or friends, their names
should be mitten under the names of the ladies chaperon-
ing tiiem on their visiting cards.

Maiden ladies of a certain age should have visiting cards
of their own, hut until a young lady has attained what is
termed a certain age, it argues no little independence of
action to have a card of her own ; but when bIic no longer
requires chaperonage, she is entitled to a card of her own,
being clearly her own mistress, and able to choose her own
Q?quaiutances.

AYhen a young lady is on a visit unaccompanied by her
parents, and wishes to call on ladies with whom the lady

I is staying with is unacquainted, she should leave her
mother's card on which her own name is also printed, and
should draw a pencil through her mother's name to intimate
that she was not with her on that occasion.

Cards should always he returned within a week if possible,
or ten days at latest, after they have been left, but to do so
within a week is more courteous. And care must be taken

Leaving Cards.

21

to ratEra the " calls " or " cards " accovdiiig to the etiquette
observGc! by the person making the call or leaving the card;
that is to Bay, that a " call " musfjzof be rctumod by a card
only, or a "card" by a "call." This i8 a point Mica
Bhonld he very pniictilious about.

Shonld a lady of higher rank return a card by a " call,"
asking if the mistress of the houBO were "at home," her
so doing would he in strict etiquette ; and should eho re-
turn a " call " by a card only, it should be understood tlint
she wished the acquaintance to be of the slightest ; and
should a lady call upon an acquaintance of higher rank
than herself, wlio had only left a card upon her, her doing
so would bo a breach of etiquette.

. In large establishments the hall porter enters the names
of all callers in a book: expressly kept for. the purpose, while
Home ladies merely desire their servant to sort the cards
left for them.

The name of the lady or gentleman for whom the cards
are intended should never be written on the cards left at a
honse. The only case in which it should be done would be
Khen cards are left on a lady or gentleman staying nt a
crowded hotel, when, to save confusion, and to ensure their
receiving them, tJieir names shonld be written on them
thus: " For Jlr. & Mrs. Smith." But this would be quite
an exceptional case, otherwise to do so would be extremely
vulgar.

Leaving Cards aftee Estertaikjiests. — Visiting
cards should be left after the following entertainments :
balls, receptions, private theatricals, amateur concerts, and
dinners, by those who have been invited, whether tlie in-
vitations have been accepted or not, and should be left the
I 3ay after the entertainment if possible, nnd certainly
' within the week according to the rules of card-leaving
ttlready described. On these occasions cards should be left

without inquiry aa to wliether the hostess is at iiome,
althoagh after a dinner-party it is the rule to ask if she is at
home, as to dine at a houso denotes a greater intimacy than
being present at ti large gathering. If the hostess were not
at horae, cards should be left.

If a lady has been but once present at any entertainment,
whether the invitation camo through a mutual friend or
direct from the hostess herself, the liostess being but a
Blight acquaintance of her owu, besides leaving cards on
her the day following, she can, if she desires, leave cards on
her the following season, or, if residing in the same town,
within a reasonable time of the entertainment ; but if these
cards are not acknowledged by cards being left in return,
she should of course understand that the acquaintance is to
proceed no further.

A lady should not leave cards on another lady to wliom
Bhe has but recently been introduced at a dinner-party or
afternoon tea ; for instance, she must meet her several
times in society, and feel sure that her acquaintance ia
desired, before venturing to leave cards. If two ladies are
of equal rank, tact will be their beat guide us to the ad-
visibility of leaving cards or not upon each other ; the lady
of superior rank may take the initiative if she pleases. If
either of the ladies express a wish to further the acquaint-
ance by asking the other to call upon her, the suggestion
sliould come from the lady of highest rank ; if of equal
rank it is immaterial as to which first makes the suggestioa.
But in either case the call should be paid within the
week.

Lbavinq Cahds ufos New Comers. — In the country
the residents should be the first to leave cards on the new
comers, after ascertaining the position which the new
comers occupy in society.

Persons moving in the same sphere should either leave

I

cards or call according as they intend to be cercraonioua
or friendly, and the return visits should be paid in like
manner, a card for a card, a call for a call.

It is the receifod rule that residenta should call on new
comers, although having no preyioua acquaintance witli
them, or introductions to them.

Kew comera, even if of higher rank, should not call
on residents in the first instance, but should wait until tho
residents have taken the initiative. If residents do not
wish to continue the acquaintance after the first meeting,
it is discontinued by not leaving cards, or by not calling
again, and if the new corners feel disinclined to continue
the acquaintance tbey should return the calls by leaving
cards only. Catling on new comera in the country should
not be doiio indiscriminately, and due consideration should
be paid to individual status in society.

The lady of highest social position in the circle to which
the new comers belong generally takes the i-esponsibility of
calling first on the new comers. By new comera is ex-
pressed persona who intend to reside in a county or town
for a long, or even for a short period, and who are not
casual visitors in the place.

The custom of residents callmg on new comers is entirely
confined to county society, and does not apply to residents
in large towns and populous watering places.

In old cathedi-al cities and quiet country towns, far from
the metropolis, on the contrary, the rule holds good of
residents calling on new comers.

Cabds "To Inquire."— Cards to inquire after friends
daring their illness, should be left in person, and should
not be sent by post. On a lady's visiting card should bo
written above the printed name : " To inquire after Blrs,
Smith," When the person inquired afler is sufficiently
recovered to return thanks in person, the usual visiting

I

24 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

card, with " return tlianks for kind inquiries," written
above the printed name is the usual mode of returning
thanks, and is aU-eufficient for the purpose. j

P.P.C. Caeds.— P.P.C. cards should be left within a
week of departure from town, or within ten days if tiie
acquaintance is a large one.

The letters P.P.C. for four 'prenAn coTigS, written at tlic
lower corner of visiting cards, indicate departure fi'om town
or from a neighboinhood. P.P.C, cai'da should be left in
person or sent by servant, hut should not be Ecnt by post,
and P.P.C. card-leaving slionld be followed in accordaaice
with a lady's visiting list and the routine of card-leaviog.
The object of leaving P.P.C. cards is to avoid leave-takings
and correspondence concerning departure, and to prevent
ofFencc being given if letters r.nd invitations remain un-
answered.

An ahsence of from one to two months renders leaving
p.P.C, cards necessary ; under tliat period it would be
unnecessary to give notice of a temporary absence which
does not amount to an actual departure. Short absences
from town render it unnecessary to leave P.P.C. cai'ds.
Holiday movements at Christmas, Easter and Whitsuntide
are thoroughly recognised, and no leave-taking is obliga-
tory, P.P.C. cardt! should he left alike upon those who are
leaving town and upon those who remain, as a mark of
politeness between those on visiting terms witii each ether.

Business CalIjS. — When a lady makes a strictly business
call upon either a lady or gentleman she should give her
card to the servant to lie taken to hia master or mistress,
but on no other occasion should she do so.

i

Gentlbubn'b ViaiTisG OAEna. — A gentleman's card
should be thin^thick cards are not in good taste-
glazed, and of the usual narrow width ; hia name should

^ard I

not 1

juld I

Leaving Cards. 25

be printed in the centre, thus: "Mr, Smith,", or "Mr.
Francis Sraitli," should he require the addition of his
christian name to distingnish him from his father or elder
brother. To baye " Francis Smith " printed on the card
without the prefis of " Mr." would be in bad taste.
- Initials appertaining to honorary rauk should neyer he
written or printed on a card, such as D.L., Q.O., M.P,,
K.C.B., M.D., etc. Military or professional titles neees-
aarily precede the snrname of the person bearing them, and
lire always used, snch as "Colonel Smith," "Captain Smith,"
" EeTorend H. Smith," " Dr. Smith," etc.

As regards titles, "The Honourable" is the only title
that is not used on a visiting card. Thus "The Honour-
able Henry Smith's" card should beai' the words "Mr,
ilenry Smith " only.

A Baronet's card should be printed thoa, " Sir George
Smith," and a Knight's card thus, " Sir Charles Smith." A
gentleman's address sliould be printed in the left hand
corner of the card. If a mtmbcr of a club, it is usoal to
print the name of the club at the right band. Oliiccrs
usually have the name of the club printed at tbe left hand
eorner in Ihc place of the address, and the regiment to
whicli they belong at the right hand.

Cards should be printed in small copper-plate type, with-
out oraamentation of any kind. Old English letters look
old-fashioned on a cai'd, and are but little used ; and orna-
mental capital letters are never used, and are ont of date.
The type should be as plain and as free from any sort of
embellishment aa it well can be.

The Roltine op Caed Leaving fob Gektlejien. — To
bachelors card leaving is an irksome routine of etiquette,
and is, therefore, in a measure often neglected, hy reason of
their having little or no leisnre at command during the
afternoon hours. This is now thoroughly nnderstood and

26 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

accepted in general society. "When, however, a bachelor
has his way to make in society and haa leisure to farther
the acquaintanceahipa he haa already made, he should follow
the ru)eB of card-leaving.

BachelorB, aa a mlo, are expected to leave cai'ds on the
master and miatreaa of a house with whom they are ac-
quainted aa soon as they are aware that the family have
arrived in toivn ; or if a bachelor himself has been away, he
should leave cards on hia acquaintances immediately after
his return. He should leave one card for the mistress of
the house and one for its master.

A gentleman should not tuiii down a corner of his card,
even though he may be acquainted with other ladies of the
family besides the mistress of the house, A gentlemaii
shonld not leave a card for the young daughters of the
house, or for any jonng relative of its mistress who might
be staying with her ; but if a married conplc with whom
he is acquainted were staying with the friends on whom he
is calling, he should leave two cards for them, one for the
wife and one for the husband, and should tell the servant
for whom they are intended.

Aa regards leaving cards upon new acquaintances, a
gentleman should not leave his card upon a married lady,
or the mistress of a house, to whom he has been introduced,
however gracious or agi-eeable she haa been to him, unless
she ejtpressly aaka him to call, or gives him to understand
in an unmistakeable manner that his doing so would be
agreeable to her. This rule holds good, whether the intro-
duction has taken place at a dinner-party, at a ball, at an
" at home," at a country-house gathering, or elsewhere ; he
would not be entitled to leave his card on her on such
alight acquaintanceship ; as, if she desired his further ac-
quaintance, she would make some polite allusion to his
calling at her house, in which case he should leave his card
on her as soon afterwards as convenient, and he stiould also

leave a card for the master of the house, the lady's husband
or father {as the case may be), even if ho had not made his
acquaintance when making that of the lady.

A gentleman should not leave a card on a yoimg lady to
whom he has been introduced, but upon het mother or the
relative with whom she is residing.

When the acquaintance existing between gentlemen is
bnt alight, they should occasionally leave cards upon each
other, especially when they do not move in the same circle,
and are not otherwise likely to meet ; it generally follows
that the one who moafc desires the acqu oiu tan ce ship is the
one to leave his card first, always supposing that the
strength of the acquaintance would warrant his so doing.
Tlic one of highest rank should be the one to intimate that
he desii-es the acquaintance of the other ; if the rank be
equal, it is a matter of inclination which calls first,

The rules of etiquette, though atrini^cnt as regards
acquaintances, have little or no application as regards
intimate friends ; friendship overrules etiquette,

When a bachelor has a number of intimate friends, very
little card-leaving is required from him as far as they arc
concerned.

Leaviko Caed9 after Ekteetadoients, — In the event
of a gentleman receiving an ' invitation to an entertainment
from an acquaintance, or from a new acquaintance, or
through some mutual friend, he should leave his cards at the
house within a week or ten days after the entertainment,
one for the mistress and one for the master of the house,
whether he has accepted the invitation or not. Between
friends this rule is greatly relaxed.

It is usual for a gentleman to leave his cards on the host,

or on the hostess, after every entertainment to which he has

R^een invited by them, whether it be a dinner-party, or bull,

i" at home," etc. Whether he has been present or not, t!:e

fact of hie having been invited by tlicm obliges liira to pay
tbem this civility, although great latitude as regards time
is uow accorded in general eocicty with regard to this,
particular rule.

If invited by a new acquaintance, the earJa Bbould be
left a few days after the entertainment, but if by a less recent
acquaintance they should he left within ten days or a fort-
night, but the earlier the carda are left the greater the
politeness shown.

If a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment, the
same rule applies as to the necessity of cawls being left on
him by those gentlemen bat slightly acquainted with him
who have been invited to the entertainment.

When a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment
given at the bouse of a new acquaintance, whether the
acquaintance be a lady or a gentleman, it would be etiquette
for him to leave his cardnpon them on their arrival in town
or elsewhere, even though they may not have invited him
to any subsequent entertainment given by them within the
year. If during the following year they do not agaui
invite him, he. might consider the acquaintance at an end
and cease to call. These complimentary calls, made, or
lather caids left, should not average more than fonr dnnng
the year.

The PiU-CTice of Sekdikg Weddikq C.^rds is com-
pletely out of date.

Meuoeial Caeds are also ont of date in society and
consequently should not be scut to either relatives or
friends.

A widow should not make use of her Christian name on
her visiting cards to distinguish her fr'om other members of
her lute bnsband'a family. Her cards should be printed as
during his lifetime.

CHAPTER IV.

FAYISQ OAI.LS.

Ladies stand upon strict and cerenioniona etiqnette
■ .with each other aa regards both paying and receiying calls.
Ignorance or neglect of the rules which regulate paying
[ calls, brings many inconveniences in its train ; for instBUce,
I "when a lady neglects to pay a call due to an acquaintance,
•■ she runs the risk of herself snd c!ang;hterB being excluded
■from entertainments given by the said acqnaintance.

When a call Jiiis not been made within a reasonable tiiiie,
a coldness ia apt to arise between ladies but slightly ac-
quainted with each other. Some ladiea take this omission
goodnatarodly or indifferently, while with otJiera the ac-
qnaintance merges into a mere bowing acquaintance to be
subsequently dropped altogether.

The first principle of calling is, that tliose who are the
firet to arrive in town or elsewhere, whether it is their place
of residence from which they have been temporarily absent,
or whether they !^(end making a stay of some weeks only,
dionld be the Jirst to call upon their acquaintances to
' intimate their return home or their arrival as the case
may be.

"Morning calls," so designated on account of their being
made before dinner, are, more strictly speaking, "afternoon
I -calls," as they should only be made between the hours of
f three and six o'clock.

^B be

30 Afanners and Rules of Good Society.

Calk made in the morning — that is before one o'clock —
would not come under the denomination of " morning
calU," as thej can only be made by intimate friends aod
not by acquaintances, and are not, therefore, amenable to
the rules of etiquette which Kovem the afternoon calls,
which calls are regulated in a great measure — as to the hour
of calling — by the exact degree of intimacy existing between
the person who calls and the person called upon. From
three to four o'clock is the ceremonious hour for calling ;
from four to five o'clock is the semi-ceremonious hour ; and
ftom five to sis o'clock is the wholly friendly and without
ceremony hour.

When a latly is driving when she calls at the house of an
BcqnaiDtanee, she should say to her servant, "Ask if
Mrs. A is at home."

When a lady is walking, she shoald ask the same question
herself.

Wlien the answer is in the negative, she should leave one
of her own cards and two of her husband's, and should say
to the servant " For Mr. and Mrs. A ."

When the answer is in the affirmative, the lady should
enter the house without further remark and follow the
Bcrrant to the drawing-room.

The seiTant should go before the visitor, to lead the way
to the drawing-room, and, however accustomed a visitor
may be to a house, it is still the proper etiquette for the
servant to lead the way, and announce him or her to his
mistress ; and this rule should not be dispensed with,
except in the cose of very near relations or very intimate
friends.

At the drawing-room door the servant waits for amoment
until the visitor has reached the landing, when the visitor

should give bis or iier name to the servant, " Mr. A m

Mrs. A ." The prefix of " Mr," or " Mrs." should never

be omitted when giving the name.

I

If the Tisitor calliug bears the title of " HoEonraljle " it
should not be mentioned by him or her to the servant when
giving t!ie name, neither shoald it be mentioned by the
aervant when announcing tho visitor.

All other titles are given in addition to the name, thus :

" Sir George ," " Lady ," " Lady Maty ; "

but a Countess or a Viscountess, in giving her name to a

BerTant, would say, " Lady ," instead of " the Countess

of ," and "Lady ," instead of the "Viscountess

An Eail or a Viscount would style themaelves " Loi-d
— — ," or " Lord ."

A gentleman or lady should never give his or her visiting
card to the servant when the mistress of the house is at
home,

A servant should not knock at the drawing-room door
when announcing visitors. The servant, on opening tho
drawing-room door, should stand inside the doorway, ho
should not stand behind the door, bat well into the room j
facing the mistress of the bouse if possible, and should say,
" Mr. A ," or " Mi's. A— — ."

When tho mistress of the house is not in the drawing-
room when a visitor arrives, the visitor should seat herself
ftnd rise at her entrance.

Visitors should not malie any inquiries of the servant as
to how long his mistress will be, or where she is, or what
she is doing, &c. Visitors are not expected to converse
ivith the servants of their acquaintances, and should nut
enter into conversation with them.

A gentleman when calling, should take his hat and atiik
in his hand with him into the drawing-room, and hold
them until he has seen the mistress of the house and
sh^en hands with her. He should either place them on
a chair or table near at hand or hold them in his hand
iaccording as to whether he feels at ease or the reverse.

i

32 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

until lie takes liis leave. He should not put his hat on
nutil in the hall, as in the house, a gentleman should never
put on ilia hat in the presence of its miBtresa.

To leave hia hat in the hall would be considered a liberty
and in very bad taste ; only the members of a family resid-
ing in the same honao leave their hats in the hall, or eotet
the drawing-room \¥ithont their hats in their hands. The
fact of hanging np the hafc in the hall proves that the owner
of the hat is at home there.

At " At-homca," email afiernoon teas, luncheona, dinners,
&c., the rule is reversed, and hats are left in the hall by
invited gaestsj an invitation giving them" the privilege of
BO doing,

A gentleman should take his stick with him into the
drawing-room, or a small umbrella if it answers tlie pur-
poae of a stick.

When gentlemen wear gloves, they can take them off or
keep them on aa they please, it is immaterial which they
do, but when a call ia made when tea is going on, it ia more
usual to take them off.

When the mistress of the house is in the drawing-room
when a visitor is annoimced— and she sliould so aiTange her
occupations as always to be found there on the afternoons
when she intends being " at home " shonld visitors call —
she should rise, come forward, and ahaio hands with her
visitor. She shonld not ask her visitor to be seated, or to
"take a seat," or "where she would like to sit?" or "which
seat she would prefer ? " &c. ; but shonld at once sit down
and expect her visitor to do the same, aa near to herself as
possible.

Both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying
a fussy demeanour during a morning call, as a moraing call
is ofteuer than not a ieU-a-letfi, and a tcle-A-te(e between two
persons but slightly acquainted with each other requires a
considerable amount of tact and mvoir vivre to be sustained

Paying Calls. 33

Tith eafic flnd self-poBsession. A fussy woman is without
repoBO, without dignity and without savtsvr vivre.

A hoBfccfiS hetmys that ehe is not mnch accustomed to
society when she attempts to amuse her visitor by the pro-
duction of albums, photographs, books, illustrated news-
papers, portfolios of drawings, the artistic eflbrts of the
members of tJie family, and tbe like ; conversation being
all tbat is necessary, without having reeonrse to pictorial

If not intimate enough to refer to family matters, the
conversation should turn on light topics of the hour.*

People unused to society are apt to fall back upon the
above adventitious aids. A hosteea should rely solely upon
her own powera of conversation to make the short quarter-
of-an-hour — which is the limit of a ceremonious call — pass
pleasantly to her visitor. The hostess should not offer her
visitor any refreBhments, wine and cake, for instance. No
refreshments whatever, save tea, should be offered to morning
visitors ; they are not supposed to require them.

In the country it is customary to offer sherry to gentle-
men callers, and to order tea for tbe ladies, even though the
call is made rather early in the afternoon, and a little before
the hour for having tea.
Ceremonious visits are usually paid before the hour of
I half-past four ; hut if tea is brought in while the visitor is
I in tbe drawing-room, or if tbe visitor calls while the hostess
I is having tea, she should naturally offer her visitor tea.
When the mistress of the house only expects a few callers,
'tea" is placed on a small table — a silver tray being
Igenerally used for the purpose. The hostess sbould pour
[out the tea herself ; w hen a gentleman is present, be should
lirnnd the cups to tbe visitors or visitor, otherwise the
Khostess should herself do so, and then hand the sugar and

• See work entitleii " Society Small Talk."

r

I

34 Afatiners and Rules of Good Society.

cream, without aBking whether her visitors "will have"
either, nulesB she is preparing the cups of tea herself, in
which case she should ask the question.

"When a second Tisitor arrives, ten or fifteen minutea
Bft«r the first visitor, the first visitor should take her leave
as soon as she conveniently can. When the second visitor
is a lady, the hostess should rise and shake hands with her,
and then seat herself, the first visitor, if a lady, should not
rise, if a gentleman, he should do so. A hostess Bhonld
only rise and come forward to meet a gentleman caller
when he ia a man of rank or position, or an elderly man,
this gives her an opportunity of addressing herself to him
for a few moments on his first entering the room. The
second visitor should at once seat him or herself near to
the hostess. She should not formally introduce the visitors
to each other unless ehe has some especial reason for so
doing. She should, however, in the course of conversatioa
Ciisually mention the name of each visitor, so that each
might become aware of the name of the other. Formal
introductions on these occasions are seldom made. But if
the hostess possesses tact, and a facility and readiness of
speech, she should skUfully draw both visitors into tha
conversation (a subject which is fully enlarged upon, in
the work already mentioned in this chapter). Tiie hostess
should not take this latter course unless aware that the two
visitors would be likely to appreciate each other.

When one visitor arrives immediately after the othei-, the
hostess should converse equally with both visitors, and tJic
ady who was the first to arrive should be the first to loave,
after a call of from ten to fifteen minutes ; when only one
visitor is jiresent the hostess should accompany her to tho
door of the drawing-room, and linger a few moments, whilst
the visitor is descending the stairs. To do so would not
be imperative, but it would be courteous. When the host
is present he should accompany the lady downstairs into

the hall ; this also is an optional ciTility, and greatly
depends upon the estimation in whioh the lady is held by
host and hostess.

When two Yisitora are present the hostess should rise and

shake hands with the departing visitor j but unless a person

I of greater consideration than the visitor who still remained

ihe should not accompany her to the di'awing-room

' door.

One visitor should not rise from her seat when another

is about to take her leave. AVhen visitors are acquainted

> with each other they should rise and shake hands. When

I one of the visitors is a genlleman he should rise, even if

unacquainted with the lady who is about to take her leave ;

I he should not remain seated when the hostess is standing.

When two visitors, either two ladies or two gentlemen,
I have slightly conversed with each other during a morning
I Call, they should not shake hands with each other on
l.Ieaving, hut should merely bow. When they have not
I «poken to each other, they should not how,

I they have been formally introdoced they should
still only how, unless the acquaintance has progressed into
sndden intimacy through previous knowledge of each other.
When one of the visitors present is a gentleman he should
open the drawing-room door for the departing visitor, but
he shonld not accompany her downstairs unless reqnestod
by the hostess to do so ; the visitor should bow to him and
thank Iiini, but not shake hands with him.

When the hostess has shaken hands with a guest, and
before crossing tJic room with her, she should ring the
drawing-room hell, that the servant may be in readiness in
the liall to open the door and to call up the carriage. She
should ring the bell even if the host were accompanying the
lady downstaire. Ifc would be thoughtless on the part of
I ^e hosted to foi^et to ring the bell to giie notice to the
rrant that a visitor n'as Icaviug.

I

36 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

In the country, where Bometimea tbe horses are taken out
of tbe carriage, the visitor before rising to depart should
af-t if she might ring and order her carriage. When the
hostess is witliin reach of the bell, she should ring it for
her ; when a gentleman is present, he should do bo. On the
servant's entrance, the visitor should ask for her carriage.

When a lady is calling on a friend, the guest of some one
with whom she herself is unacquainted, or even but slightly
acquainted, she should in both cases ask if her friend ia at
home, and not if the mistress of the bouse is at home ; and
having paid her visit, on leaving the house sbe should leave
cardB for its mistress if she is slightly acquainted with her,
bnt should not do so if she is unacquainted with her.

When a lady baa a guest staying on a visit to her, if
convenient, she should, when her guest expected visitors,
absent herself from the drawing-room at that particular
time, unless the expected visitors are mutual friends of her-
self and guest.

If she is in the drawing-room with her guests when a
visitor is announced so as to render an introduction inevitable,
a formal introduction should be made, but the mistress
of the house, after a very few minutes, should make some
excuse, quietly leave the room, and not return until after the
departure of the visitor. It would be inconsiderate were tbe
mistress of the house to remain in the drawing-room while
culls were paid to her guest by strangers to herself unless at
her guest's particular request. When a visitor is a gentle-
man, and the guest a young unmarried lady, the mistress of the
house should remain in the drawing-room to chaperon her.

When the mistress of the house ia deaii-ous of making
the acquaintance of any particular friend of her guest, from B
whom she expected a visit, when the visit occurs and previ-
ous to the visitor taking ber leave, the guest should aak if
^^^ she will allow her to introduce her to the lady with whom

^^^L she is staying. If her visitor desires the introduction, she J

Paying Calls.

37

I

shonld then ring and rcqcioat the servant to tell his mistress
that Mrs. A. is in the drawing -room, which message the
hostess would understand to mean that her presence is
desired, and the introduction would then be made on her
appearing. An introduction, if made in this manner, conid
become the hasis of a future acquaintance, both ladies
having had the option of refusing tho acquaintance of the
other if so disposed ; whereas a foi-ced introduction where
DO option is given would hardly count aa the hasis of a
fcture acquaintance unless the ladies thus introduced
mntually appreciated each other.

In the country a guest seldom has friends and acquaint-
ances in the neighbourhood, who are unknown to her
hostess ; if otherwise, the hostess should give her gnest
the opportunity of seeing her visitor by leaving them
together when the call is made.

When a guest is present wlion the mistress of a house is
receiving caller?, she should introduce them to lier guest or
her gnest to them, according to the rank of eitlier (see
chapter on " Introductions ").

When a lady ia driving with a friend who is a stranger
to the acquaintance on whom she is calling, she should not
take her into the house witli her, niiless she is a yonng
lady, while she makes her call, or unless there is some
especial reason for introducing the two ladies to each other,
or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become
acquainted with each other. Husbands and wives occa-
sionally pay calls together, but oftener they do not. A
ij&dy, as a rnle, pays a call hy herself, unless she has a
,grown-np daughter, when she shonld accompany her mother.

Occasionally two ladies, both intimate with tiie lady of
the house, pay their calls together. A family party, of
fiither and mother and daughter, or daughters, rarely call in
together, save under veiy exceptional circumstances ;
but in the country a family p:irty of three or four would.

38 Mautiers and Rules of Good Society.

OS a matter of course, call together ; it is conatry etiquette
to do so.

A considerable difference exists with regard to " Sunday
calls," or calling on Sundays. Ladies should not pay
ceremonious calls on Sundays ; it would not be etiquette for
an acquaintance to call on a Sunday, it would rather be
considered a liberty, unless slie were expressly asked to do
so. Intimate friends, on the contrary, often make Sunday
a special day for calling, and therefore, ladies and gentle-
meu — more especially gentlemen— es tend tbeir calling Iiours
fram three until six o'clock on Sundays.

When a lady is acquainted with the daughters of a
family only, and not with their father or mother, she should
call on the daughters, who should at once introduce her to
their mother on the nest oecaaion of calling. If the mother
is not present, the lady calling should leave cards for her \
and at all morning calls, when the daughters of the house
receive a ceremonious visit from an acquaintance, in the
absence of their mother, whether from indisposition or any
other cause, cards should be left for her in the hall before
leaxing by the lady calling (see chapter on " Card-leaving ").

lu all cases, when "morning calls " are made, and the
lady called on is not at home, cards should be left according
to (he etiquette described in the chapter on " Leaving
Cards," an etiquette which should be strictly observed ; when
the lady called on is " at home," cards should be left for the
gentlemen of the family, according to the same rules of
card-leaving, which cannot be too punctiliously followed.

A mistress of a house should inform her servant after or
before luncheon, or before the hours for calling, whether
she intends to be " at home " to visitors or not during the

i

" Not at home " is the understood formula expressive of
not wishing to eec visitors,

" Not at home " is not intended to in:\ply an nntrutli, hut

Paying Calls. 39

I

rather to signify that for some reason, or reasons, it ia not
desirable to see visitors ; and as it would be impossible to
explain to acquaintances, the wliy and the wherefore of
its being inconvenient to receive visitors, the formnla of
" Not at home " is all-sufficient explanation, provided
alwajB that a servant is able to give a direct answer at
once of " Not at home " when the qnery ia put to him. If
tt servant is not sure as to whether his mistreBS wishes to
see visitors or not, it is almost a direct offence to the lady
calling if he hesitates as to his answer, and leaves her
either sitting in her carriage or standing in the hall, while
"Hewillseeif hismiBtreasis'At home,'" perhaps re tummg
with the unsatisfactory answer that she is " Not at home ; "
in which case the intimation is almost received as a personal
exclusion rather than as a general exclusion of visitors.

If a lady is dressing to go out when a visitor calls, the
servant can mention that fact to a visitor calling, and offer
to ascertain if his mistress will see the caller; and the
caller shonld use her own discretion as to whether she will
bUow him to do so or not ; but unless the visit ia one of
importance, it would be best in such a case only to lea^'o
cards.

Wlieii a second visitor calls, a seiTaut should not be per-
mitted to say that his mistress is " euffnged with a lady," or
"with a gentleman," but should usher the second caHcr
into the drawing-room, as he has previously done the first
caller. He should not inquire as to whether hie mistress
will see the second caller or not. Neither shonld lie inform
the second caller as to whether any one is or is not with his
mistress, as ignorant sci-vants are too apt to do.

It is not iisnal to offer coffee at afternoon tea ; tea only
is given. To oiler coffee is a foreign fashion, and not an
English one.

"Morning" callers should not be conducted tothediniug-
room to have tea ; and tea is only served in the diuinr^-

40 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

room on the occasion of a large afternoon tea, or afternoon
" at home," &c. {See chapter on " Afternoon Teas,")

A lady shonld place her empty tea-cnp on the table
nea-cst to her, if a gentleman is not present to talte it
from her.

It is an old-fashioned cnstom to have the tea handed
ronnd by a Bervant at tliis hour, and is seldom dono ; bnt
when done, the tea is brought in already ponred oat in
tea-cnpa, according to the nnmber of guests present. The
servant, when announcing the last comer, should be told to
Botico the number of guests in the drawing-room and bring
cups of tea accordingly. The cream and sugar should be
placed on the same tray, which should be a silver salrer,
and should be brought to each lady according to her rank,
and last of all to the mistress of the house. Each lady
should help herself to sugar and cream whilst the servant
is holding the tray. A plate contAlniEg bread-and-hutter
or biscuits should also be placed on the tray. The tea-pot
should not be brought in.

Tea-cosies should not be used at afternoon tea; a fresh
supply of tea should be brought in for new arrivals.

Very small plates are occasionally used at afteruoon fea.

Slices of thiu bread-and-butter, cake, and small cakes
should be given with afternoon tea ; pastry, fmit, preserves,
etc., should not be giveu. (See chapter on "Afternoon
Teas.")

CHAPTER V.

PRECEDENCY.

The order of precedency due to etich individnal accordiDg
to rank is a matter of great importance at official banquets
and at cerGmonioiiB diuner-parties, wbea its correct obser-
vance should be Btrietly adhered to,

Aa regards precedency amongst royal personages : The
Sovereign takes precedence of all others in the realm ; the
Prince of Wales takes precedence of tbe Princess of Wales,
and the Dukes of Edinburgh and Connnugbt take precedence
of tbe Princesses, their wives ; and the Princesses Christian,
Louise, Marchioness of Lome, and Princraa Beatrice of
Battenberg, take precedence of their husbands.

The precedency accorded to foreign royal personages in
Ibis country very much depends upon their individual rank.
Imperial Highnesses and Royal Highnesses take precedence
of Serene Highnesses.

The precedency accorded to Eastern Princes is generally
synomymous with that accorded to Serene Highnesses ; but
in some instances, the claims of individual precedency are
so difficult to define, that in official cases it is sometimes
necessary to make a special rule as to the amount of
precedency to be allowed.

As regards general precedency, it is needless to say arch-
bishojis take precedence of dukes, dultes take precedence
of earls, earls tnkc precedence of viscounts, and so ow

42 Manners and Rides of Good Society.

thronghout the various degrees of nobility. Precedency
accorded to men and women is fully Bet forth in the various
Peerages by Burke, Lodge, and Debrett,

Thus a table of precedency only would be of comparatively
little use in determining any question of precedency as the
broad ontlines of precedency are fairly well nuderetood, and
ia all cases where precedency is to be established between
persons of equal rank it is necessary to refer to a Peerage
for date of creation of title, as this actually decides all
precedency. Thus for precedency due to any member of
nobility a Peerage should be consulted.

For precedency due to baronets and their wives a
Baronetage should be consulted.

For precedency due to knights and tlieir wives a Knightage
should be consnlfced in reference to each order of knighthood.

For the precedency due to the legal profession a Law List
shonld be consulted when it is not defined by office or
birth.

For the precedency due to the clergy a Clergy List should
be consulted when superior preferment or birth do not
define it.

For the precedency due to officers in the army and
navy an Army List and a Navy List should be consulted to
determine the precedency dne to each in the separate
services.

As regards precedency between officci's of the combined
services a tabic of " Relative Rank and Precedency in the
Army and Navy" should be consulted, as a post-captain in
the navy after three years' service ranks with a colonel in
the army, and a lieutenant or a navigating-lieutenant of
eight years' standing ranks with a major in the army, and a
lieutenant or a navigating-lieutenant in the navy of six
years' ataoding ranks with a captain in the army, etc., Ac.

As regards the precedence due to widows bearing titles
who have married again : The widow of a peer married to

I

Precedeiuy. 43

B commoner retains her title by courtesy, and the preMdeocy
due to the title ia accorded to her.

The widow of a baronet married to a commoner tetnins
her title by right and not by courtesy.

The widow of a knight married to a commoner retains
her title by courtesy only, but the precedency due to the
widow of a knight ie accorded to her.

The daughter of a peer if married to a baronet or a
commoner retains her precedency, but if married to a baron
her precedency is merged in that of her husband.

When the widow of a duke marries a person of lower
rank than that of her late husband, she still retains her
precedency.

When the diraghter of a duke marries a peer she takes
the precedency due to the rank of her husband ; if she
marries a commoner, precedency is accorded to ber duo to
the daughter of a duke.

Age confers no precedency on either sex. Equals in rank
from the highest to the lowest take precedence according to
the creation of Iheir title and not as regards t!ie age of the
person bearing the title. As for instance, a youthful duke
would take precedence of an aged duke, if the title of
the youthful duke bore an earlier date tlian that of the
aged duke. The same rule applies equally to baronets and
knights.

"When two earls are present at a dinner-party, the date of
their respective patents of nobility decides the order of
precedency due to them.

A host or hostess should always consult a " Peerage " or
a " Baronetage " if in doubt as to the precedence due to
expected guests bearing titles ; wealth or social position are
not taken into account in this matter, it being strictly a
question of date.

The precedence duo to ladies of equal rank takes effect in
the same manner. Tims, a young wife of a baronet takes

t

44 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

precedence over the elderly wife of a baronet if the creation
of her husband's title bears an eai'licr date.

When the claims to precedency of persona of equal rank
clash, the claims of a gentleman should be waived in favour
of those of a lady, should the persons be of opposite sexes.
Thus, if two couples of superior rank to the other guests
were present at a dinner-party, the host should take down
the lady of highest rank, and the hostess should be taken
down by the gentleman of highest rank, in which case the
lady second in rank should go in to dinner before her
husband, although the gentleman taking her down to
dinner were of lower rank than her husband. It would
not he etiquette for the gentleman of higher rank to take
down a lady of lesser rank than his wife, so giving a
lady of inferior rank precedence over a lady of superior
rank.

Esquires, and the wives of esquh-es, take precedence
according to their social position. Members of Parliament
have no precedence, though it is often accorded to them as a
matter of courtesy, especially in the county which they
represent; the wives of members of Parliament are likewise
entitled to no precedence on the ground of their hushands
being members of Parliament.

The high sheriff of a county takes precedence over all
other gentlemen in the county, of whatever rank, the lord-
lieutenant not excepted.

An assize judge takes precedence over the high sheiiff as
the assize judge represents the Sovereign of the Kcalm.

The high sheriff out of his particular county haa no
precedence, neither has a lord-lieutenant ; and the wives of
either lord-lieutenants, or high sheriifs, take no precedence
on account of their huabands' official dignity.

Clergymen, barristers-at-law, ofBcers in the army and
navy taJtc ])recedence over esquires on account of such rank ;
and in each profession precedence should be accorded them

1

Precedency.

Bccording to their individual rank, a general taking
precedence over a colonel, a colonel orer a captain, and

A hostess unmindM or careless of the exact precedence
dae to her various guests invariably gives unintentional
offence.

In the case of either a liusband's sister or a wife's sister
being required to act as hostess, precedence should be given
to the wife's sister.

An eldest son's wife should take precedence of her hus-
band's sisters in his father's house.

As stated in the chapter on " Diuner Pai-ties," at all
banquets, dinner-parties, and ball-suppers, the host should
take down the lady of highest rank, and lead the way with
her to the dining-room. The guests should follow Ihc host
in couples according to the degree of precedence due to
them, and the hostess should follow the last couple with the
gentleman of highest rank present.

When a greater number of gentlemen than ladies are
present at a dinner-party, as is often the case, tliese gentle-
men should follow the hostess to the dining-room and not
precede her.

When a widow or maiden lady is hostess, and there is no
gentleman of the family present to act as host, the gentle-
man second in rank should take down the lady of highest
rank, leading the way with her to the dining-room, the
hostess following last, with the gentleman of highest rank.

No precedence ia accorded to brides in society, though
occasionally in the country old-fashioned people consider it
due to a bride to send her in to dinner with the host on the
occasion of her first dining at a house within three months
of her marriage.

As regards the precedence due to the relatives of a host
or hostess, the precedence due to them should give way ii
favour of that due to the gncsts not related to the I

46 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

hostess, although their relatives might be, perhaps, of
higher rank than the guests themselves.

Occasionally, the eldest son of the house acts as second
host, taking down a lady second or third in rank ; but the
daughters of the house should always be taken down to
dinner after the other ladies present, and in no case before
them.

^

CHAPTER VI.

THE COLLOQUIAL APPUCATIOK OF TITLES.

The colloquial application of titles differs materially from
the application of titles when not need eolloquialjf, and
many persons are in doubt as to whether they should or
should not make use colloquially of titles in full.

The highest lady in the realm, viz., Her Majesty the
Queen, should be addressed as " Ma'am " by the members
of the aristocracy and by all classes of gentry. She should
Hot bo addressed as " Madam " nor as " Yonr Majesty " by
them, but aa " Ma'am " only. The ladies and gentlemen of
her household should also address her as " Ma'am,"

All classes not coming within the category of gentiy,
such as the lower professional classes, the middle classes,
the lower middle classes, and the lower classes, should all
address her aa " Tour Majesty," and not aa " Ma'am."

The Prince of Wales should be addressed aa " Sir " by
the aristocracy and gentry, and not as " Your Royal High-
ness " by either of these classes ; but he should be addressed
as " Your Eoyal Highness " by all classes but the two classes
jest referred to.

The Duke of Edinburgh, the Duke of Connaught, Prince
Albert Edward, and all princes of the blood royal, should be
addressed as " Sir " by the upper classes, and as " Your
Eoyal Highness " by the middle and lower classes, and by
all persons not coming within the category of gentry. By
the word Gentry is included the landed gentry, all those

4S Manners and Rttlcs of Good Society.

belongiDg to tlio Army, Xavy, the Clergy, the Bar, the
Medical and other profcaaions, the aristocracy of Art, the
aristocracy of Wealth, " Merchant Princes," and the leading
City Merchants and Bankers.

The PrinwBS of Wales, and all the princesses of the blood
royal, should be addressed as " Ma'am " by the aristocracy
and gentry, and as " Your Royal Highness " by all other
classes. The wives of the princes of the blood royal should
also be addressed as " Ma'am " by the aristocracy and gentry,
and as " Your Royal Highness " by all other classes.

A foreign prince bearing the title of serene highness
should be addressed as " Prince," and not as " Sir," by the
aristocracy and gentry, and as " Tour Sereae Highness " by
aU other classes.

A foreign princess, also bearing the title of serene
highness, should be styled " Princess " when addresaed
colloquially by the upper classes, but not as " Ma'am," aa
in tlie case of the Royal Family of England, and as " Tour
Serene Highness " by all other classes.

An English dulie should be addressed as " Duke " by the
aristocracy and gentry, and not as " Tour Grace " by
members of either of these classes. All other classes should
address him colloquially as " Tour Grace."

An English duchess should be addressed as " Duchess "
by aU persons conversing with her belonging to the upper
classes, and as " Your Grace " by all other classes.

A marquis, colloquially, sliould be addressed as " Lord
A."

A marchioness should be addressed as " Lady A," by the
upper classes. It would be a mistake to address an English
marquis as " Marquis," or a marchioness as " MarehioDess,"
colloquially speaking. All other classes should address them
cither as " My Lord " or " Your Lordship," " My Lady " or
" Your Ladyship."

An earl should be addressed aa " Lord B." by the upper

Toqutat ApplicitioH of Titles. 49

[ dafiBes, and as " Jry Laiil" or "Yonv Lordship" by all
I other classes.

A conotesB should be addressed as "Lady B," by the
\ upper classes, and as " My Lady " or " Toor Ladyship " by
all other classes.

A Tiscouat should be addressed as " Lord C." by the

tipper classes, and as " My Lord " or " Your Lordship " by

all other classes.

■ A viscoantess shoold be addressed as " Lady 0." by the

I upper classes, and aa " My Lady " or " Tonr Ladyship " by

rU other classes.

A baron should be addressed as " Lord D." by the upper

classes, and aa " My Lord " or " Your Lordsliip " by all

other classes.

A baroness should be addressed as " Lady D," by the

I upper classes, and as " My Lady " or " Your Ladyship " by

I fill other classes.

In strictly official or business intei'conrse a marqids, an
earl, a Tiscount, a baron, and a younger son of a duke or
marquis, should be addressed as " My Loi-d."

The eldest son of a dulce should be addressed as " Lord
I A." by tlie cpper classes, and as " My Lord " or " Yoar
I Iiordship " by all other classes.

The wife of the eldest son of a duke should be addressed
as " Lady A." by tlie upper classes, and as " My Lady " or
" Yonr Ladyship " by all other classes.

The younger sons of a dulce should bo addi'cssed as " Lord
[ John E." or " Lord Charles E." by the upper classes, and as
"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
y Persons well acquainted with them would address them
colloquially by their title and Christian name, as "Lord
Joha " or " Lord Charles." The same remark applies to
their wires, who are often colloquially addressed as "Lady
Alfred " or " Lady Edward."
The wives of the younger sens of a duke should be

i

nddressed as " Lady John E." or " Lady Charles E." by the
upper classeB, and as " My Lady " or " Yonr Ladyship " by
all other elaBsee.

The danghtera of a duke should bo addressed as " Lady
Mary A." or " Lady Elizabeth B." by the upper classes, and
as " Lady Mary " and " Lady Elizabeth " hy those intimate
with them, and as " My Lady " or " Your Ladyship " by all
other classes.

The eldest soa of a martjuis should be addressed as " Lord
A." by the npixr classes, and as " My Lord " or " Your
Lordship " by all oilier classes.

The wife of the eldest son of a marquis should be
addressed as " Lady A." by the upper classes, and as " My
Lady " or " Tonr Ladyship " by all other classes.

The younger sous of a marquis sliould bo addressed as
" Lord Henry B." and "Lord Frederick B." by the upper
classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all
other classes.

The wives of the younger sons of a marquis should bo
addressed as " Lady Henry B." and " Lady Frederick B."
by the upper classes, and as " My Lady " or " Your Lady-
ship " by all other classes.

The daughters of a marquis should be addressed as " Lady
Florence B," and " Lady Sarah B." by the upper classes, and
OB " My Lady " or " Your Ladyship " by all other classes.

The eldest son of an earl should be addressed as " Lord
C." by the upper classes, and as " My Loi'd " or " Your
Lordship " by all other classes.

The wife of the eldest son of an earl should be addressed
as " Lady C." by the upper classes, and as " My Lady " or
" Your Ladyship " by all other classes.

The daughters of an earl should be addressed as " Lady
Blanche " and " Lady Evelyn " by the upper classes, and as
" My Lady " or " Your Ladyship " by all other classes.

The younger sons of carls, and both eldest and vouiigcr

The Colloquial Application of Titles. 5 1

^^P sons of viscounts, and barons, only bear the courtesy title of
^^ honourable. The danghtcrg of Tisconats and barona also
bear the courtesy title of honourable. Bat this title of
honourable should never be used colloquially tinder any
circumstance a. The Honourable Mr. or Mrs. B., or the
Honourable Miss B., should be styled Mr,, Mrs., or
Miss B.
Baronets should be addressed by their full title and sur-
i oame, as Sir John Blanlf, by the upper classes, and by their
^ titles and Christian names only by all other classes.

Baronets' wives should be addi-essed as " Lady B." or
" Lady C," according to the surnames of tlieir hnabanda :
I thus, " Sir John Blank's " wife should be addressed as
" Lady Blank," not as " Lady John Blank " — lo do so
■ would be to give her the rank of the wife of the younger
I son of a duke or marquis instead of that of a baronet's wife
1 only — and as " My Lady " or " Your Ladyship " by all other
I classes.

The wives of knights should be addressed aa " Lady B."

I or "Lady C," according to the surnames of their husbands :

L thus, " Sir John Blank's " wife should be addressed as

" Lady Blank," and as " My Lady " or " Your Ladyship "

K liy all other classes.

Is ADDRESSISG FOItEIGNERB OP RANK COLLOQUULLT,

the received rule is to address them by their individual

^ titles and surnames.

A prince or princess should be addressed by their full
title: thus, "Prince Munich," or " Princess Munich," by
the upper classes. Pei-sons intimate with them usually
address them aa " Prince " or " Princess," as the case

I may be.

In the case of a prince being a younger son, and not the

f reigning head of the house, his Christian name is generally

r used after his title when addressing him r thus, " Prince

I

52 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

Lonis," in lieu of " Prince " only. The same remark
applies to tlic unmarried daaghters of princes. They also
should be addressed by their Christian name, in addition to
their title of " Princess," by the aristocracy and gentry, and
as " Your Serene " or " Tour Imperial Highness," according
to their birth and title, by eJ! other classes.

A Fi-eneh dalce should be addressed by his surname, with
the addition of monsieur ; thus, " Monaiear de Roaeu," by
the upper elates, and as " Monsieur le Due " by all other
classes.

A French duchess should be addressed by her surname,
with the addition of madamc : thus, " JIadame de Rouen,"
by the upper classes, and as " Madame la Duchesse " by all
olher classes.

A marquis should be addi'essed by his surname, ivith the
addition of monsieur : thus, " Monsieur de Harflenr," by
Ihe upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Mai'qnis" by all
other classes.

A marquise should be addressed by her surname, with the
addition of madame : thns, " Madame do Harflenr," by the
upper cloBses, and as " Madame la Marquise " by all other
classes.

A comte should be addressed by his surname, with the
addition of monsieor : thus, " Monsieur de Montpellier,"
by Ihe upper classes, and as " Monsieur le Comte " by all
other classESi

A comtesse should be addressed hy her sumarae, with Ihe
,-ddition of madame ; thus, " Mudarac de Montpellier," by
the upper classes, and as "Madame la Comtesse " by all
other classes.

A vicomte should be addressed by his surname, with the
ndditiou of monsieur : thus, " Monsieur de Toulonse," by
the upper clusses, and as " Monsieur le Vicomte " by all
other clnsseB.

A TicomtcBse should be addrc-sed by her surname, with

_tlio addition of madame .- ihus', " Madame dc Toalonse,"
Ll^ the npper cluEaea, and as " Madame la Vicomtesse " by
Kail other classes.

" A baron should l>e addressed by his surname, with the
addition of monsieur : thus, " Monsieur d' Avignon," by the
upper classes, aud as " Monsieur le Baron " by all other
classes.

A baronne should be addressed by ber surname, with the
addition of madame : thas, " Madame d' Avignon," by the
upper classes, and as " Madame la Baronne " by all other
classes.

A young unmarried lady should be addressed as " Blade-
moiselle d'Avignon " by the upper classes, arid as "Made-
moiselle " by all other classes.

In German titles the distinction of "Von" before the
Bui-name is seldoni used colloquially, the title and surname
being nsed without the prefix of " Von," Thas, " Count
von Ausberg " sbonld be addressed as " Count Ausberg " in
conversation, and not as " Monsieur lo Comte."

Foi^cigu ladies of rank should, when German or EusHian,
&c., be addressed by their title and surname, and not by
their title only, and the prefis " Von " should be omitted ;
but in tbe case of a French or Italian title tbe " de " or
" de la " before the surname should on no account be
omitted.

When Englishmen arc extremely intimate with foreigners
of rank they ivould, in conversation, probably address them
by llieir surnames ; but only thorough intimacy and friend-
Etiip waiiants this familim-ity.

Ae REQAEDS ADDRKSSiSG THE CLEEGY ; an archbishop
should be addressed colloquially as " Your Grace " or " Arch-
bishop " by the npper claEsce, and as " Your Grace " by all
(_ other classes.

A bishop should be addressed colloriuinll^ b& " ^"j \.'3^'"'

I

54 Manners and Rides of Good Society.

or " Bishop of Dasli " or " Bisiiop " by the upper claBseB,
and s& " My Lord " by all other claaaes.

A dean ahoald be styled " Mr. Dean," " Dean Dash," or
" Dean," by the npiwr classeB.

An archdeacon shonld be addressed as '■ Aruhdeaeon
Daah," and a canon as " Canon Dash."'

The wives of nrelibishops, bishops, and deans should be
i-espeetivc'y addressed as " Mrs. A.," " Mrs. B.," or •' Mrs,
0." They take no title from tlie spiritnal rank of their
liusbands.

Officers ix the army should bu r(«pectively addressed as
" General A.," " Colonel B.," " Major C.," or " Captain D.,"
and not as " General," " Colonel," or " Major," except by
their very intimate friends.

The wives of ofBcers should be addressed as " Mrs. A.,"
" Mrs. B.," " Mrs. C," or " Mrs. D." They should nevfr
be addressed ns "Mrs, General A.," "Mrs. Colonel B.,"
" Mrs, Major C," or " Mrs. Captain D."

A lady should not address her hoshand colloquially by
his surname only, as " Joues," " Brown," or by whatever
Ilia surname might be, or speak of him without t!ie prefix
of "Mr."

The usual rule is for a wife to speak of her husband as
" Mr. Brown," or " My husband," except to intimate friends,
when the Christian name only is frequently usei], aud to
address him by liis Christian name only.

A wife should not address lior hufihand by the initial
letter of his surname, as " Mr. B." or " Mr. P. ; " neither
should a husband addi-ess his wife hy the initial letter of his
snmamo.

When intimate friends address eauh other by the initial
letter of their names it is by way of pleasantry only, and
Buch cases of course do not come within the rules of
tfijyueife.

The Colloquial Application of Titles, 55

Peeresses frequently address their husbands, and speak of
them, by the name attached to their title, in place of using
their Christian or family name. Thus, the " Earl of Blank-
shire " would be styled " Blankshire " by his wife, without
the prefix of "Lord," and his usual signature would be
" Blankshire," without the addition of any Christian name.

Baronets' wives should not address their husbands by
their surnames, but by their Christian names, and should
speak of tliefia as " Sir George " or " Sir John."

The wives of knights also should not address their hus-
bands by their surnames, but by their Christian names, and
should speak of them as " Sir George " or " Sir John."

The Lord Mayor should be addressed as " Lord Mayor "
colloquially, and the Lady Mayoress as " Lady Mayoress,"
unless the Lord Mayor during office is created a baronet or
receives the honour of knighthood, when he should be
addressed as " Sir John " or " Sir Henry," and his wife as
^* Lady A."

CHAPTER VII,

rOINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGAHDS ROYAL PERSONAGES.

General society is now very frequently brought iuto con-
tact with royalty — inembera of the Eoyal Family of England
and members cf various royal families of Europe.

With our Sovereiga herself this association is of leas
frequent occurrence as regai'da the general public, although
persona possessing special interest are, as heretofore, cou-
Btantly brought into communication with Uer Majesty.

Strict court etiquette is greatly in abeyance, and laid
aside by Her Majesty when paying visits of condolence,
or when receiving visits from individuals in her private

The geniality of the English princes and princesses is
everywhere acknowledged, and (he restriefcions of court
etiquette are frequently rela.\ed by their desire when visit-
inff at the houses of the nobility and genti'y.

The etiquette that reigns in foreign Courts— Austria,
Bnssia, Greece, &.<!. — is seldom waived, aod is adhered to
with much punctilio. So much so ia this the case with
eertaia foreign princes who visit our shores, that the obser-
vances they chiim as due to their exalted position, are oflen
felt to be a restraint upon the hosts whom they honoiu' with
their company, in town or country, at dinnei', ball, or
couutry-house party.

On the othoi' hiiml, many royal pcrsonnges who occasion-

J

ally Tisit England are unbending nnd imceremoniona
towards Eociety in general,

WLen royal personages visit London for a, few weeks,
i\'lietlieL' located at palace, embassy, or hotel, it is etiquette
for any person who is personally acquainted with or con-
nected in any ivay with their Court or cabinet, or who has
been presented at their Court, to leave cards on them nnd
write their names in their visiting-hooks. Persons stiU
higher in the social scale, give receptions in their honour,
and invite them to stay at their princely mansions.

"When such visits are paid, the principal ueighbonrs are
usually invited to meet the royal guests at dinner, ball, or
reception, and on the invitation cai'd is written " To meet
JT.K.H. the Crown Prince of ," or " Her Serene High-
ness the Grand Ducliess of — — ," &c. ; but a hostess
exercises her own discretion respecting the invitations she
issues.

If a ball is in contemplation the cotinly at large is invited
to the mansion, hut if dinner invitations only are issaed,
then the circle is necessarily restricted to a favonrcd few.

The neighbours who ai-e not invited to a house where a
royal guest is staying should avoid calling on the hostess
nntil the departure of the royal visitors, even if calls arc
due.

TJie principal people of a county who happen to he
present at an entertainment, either dinner or dance, are
usually presented to the royal guests by the host or hostess,
permission to do so having been first solicited.

When the person to be presented is a person of rank or
distinction, it would only be necessary to say " Slay I
present Jiord A., or General B., to you. Sir ?" but if the
person to be presented has no particular cliiim to the
honour beyond being popnlar in the county, the request
should be prefaced with a few words of explanation respect-
ing the person to bo presented.

i

t

58 Manners and Rides of Good Society.

When the name or fame of those presented has reached
the ears of the royal guests, they usually shake hands on
the presentation being made, and enter into conversation
with tliem ; otherwiae they merely bow, and make one or
two passing remarks.

A house-party is generally composed of those with whom
a royal guest is more or less acquainted. When the party
includes any one who is a stranger to the royal guests, he
or she should be presented on the first opportunity.

The members of the royal family ha\e each, more or les'-,
their particular set, aa have also the foieign pimceB who
periodically visit this country, and theiefoie house parties
are nsually made up of those mo\mg in the set of the
expected prince.

For the proper mode of addresamg royal personi<,i,a, see
chapter " Colloquial Application of 'i itles "

As regards Royal invitations, all invitations from the
Sovereign are commands and must be answered and obeyed
as such, and the word " command " must be made use of in
answering such iuvitatioua. If any reason exists for not
obeying Her Majesty's commands it should be stated.

Invitations from the Prince and Princess of Wales are
treated by courtesy as commands, but in icplying to such
invitations the word command should not be used. The
answers to snch invitations should bo addi'essed to the Comp-
troller of the Ilouseliold, by whom they are usually issued.

Answers to Hoyal invitations should be written in the
third person, aud i-easons given for non-acceptance.

A previous engagement cannot be pleaded as an excuse
for refnsing a Royal invitation ; only personal indisposition
or serious illness, or death of near relatives, would lie
adequate i-easons for not accepting a Royal invitation.

When a lloyal invitation is verbally given, the answer
should be vci'bal also.

At all entertainments at which Rnyai guests are present

Etiquette as Regards Royal Personages, 59

they should be received by the host and hostess in the
entrance-hall. In the case of Serene Highnesses they
should be received by the host and conducted by him to
the hostess; this rule equally applies to the reception of
Eastern Princes.

The etiquette to be observed on the departure of Royal
personages is identical with that observed on their arrival.

With regard to inviting members of the Royal Family to
assist at the opening of any public undertaking, the request
should be made through the Comptroller of. the Household
of the Prince who is to be invited, or through his secretary,
and the same rule equally applies to both prince and
princess.

CHAPTER Vni.

The acquaintanceship of foreign residents is of con-
Eiilerable service to EngliBh people purposing to winter
abroad, or to remaio for any length of time io a continental
citj, as by its means they obtain an entrance into foreign
society. An introdnction to the English Ambassador or
Minister, at a foreign court la of still gi'eater service in this .
matter.

People of recognised position in society have t!ie privilege
of leaving cards at the English Embassy at any foreign city
in which they intend maliing a temporary stay.

So thoi'onglily is the ixisitiou of Eoglish traveUers known
to the Englisli Ministry at a foi-eign court, that should a
pei'son, who is not received in English society, leave cards
at the Eoglish Embassy, they would be at once returned as
on intimation that the acquaintance is declined.

It is eri'oueons to suppose that by leaving cards npon
foreignera of distinction, an acquaintanceship can be com-
menced, for unless iutroductlons have been formally made,
leaving cards is a useless proceeding.

At far-away spots little frequented by the general run of
travellers, and where tliera are but feiv, if any, resident
Euglish, travellers requiring advice or assistance from the
English consul, can, without an introduction, call upon
Jiim, nationality being the ground npon which to do this.

Etiqttette Abroad.

6i

I
I

and if of equal social standing, tliey would be received with
sociai conBideration ; if otherwise, all assistance would be
given to them from an official point of view. Many
people when travelling abroad make pleasant aeqaaintancea
even without the help of introductions, the occasion of a
meeting being as it were a serai-introduction in itself.

Such casual acquaintanceships arc, however, attended
with certain risks, especially to persona who have been
absent ii'om England some little time, or who when in
England have entered comparatively but little in society,
and who are thus apt to drift unawares into close friend-
ships with people perhaps well bred and agreeable, although
tabooed at home for some good and sufficient reason.
Cenlrelemps such as these are painful to kind-hearted
people when subsequently compelled to avoid and to
relinquish the acquaintance of those with whom they
have become pleasantly intimate. An introduction to an
English resident in either town or city obviates any un-
pleasantness of this nature, as one so situated is generally
kept an eourant with all that takes place in society at
home.

"When persons desire to enter into society abroad they
endeavonr to obtain letters of introduction from friends
and acquaintances to residents in the cities they purpose
visiting.

Unless English travellers have been duly presented at
the court of St James's, they cannot obtain presentations at
foreign courts through the English Embassies.

AVlien a lady desires a presentation at a foreign court,
she shoidd write to the English Ambassadress and request
the honour of a presentation, and should state the date of
her presentation and the name of the lady by whom she was
presented. Aller her statement has been duly verified the
request is granted. In a like manner when a gentleman
desires a presentation at a foreign court, he should write to

62 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

the Ambassador and request the honour of a presentation,
and should state the date of the Lev^e at which he was
presented, and the name of the person by whom the
presentation was made.

Presentations at foreign courts take place in the evening,
and the persons to be presented, and those who attend,
assemble previous to the entrance of the Royal personages :
the mle is for the grand mattresse to present each lady in
turn to her royal mistress, who makes the tour of the
apartment for this purpose, and addresses some courteous
observation to each.

CHAPTER IX.

P*HB BECEIVED SIODE OF PROKOUKCIKG CERTAIN BUHITAMES.

There are, perhaps, two reasons ivliy various t
are bo frequently mispronouncedj the one being unfamlli-
arity with the freak of fashion which goveras the pro-
nunciation of certain well-known names, the other igno-
rance, or want of edncation.

When sensitive persons hear a name pronounced dilfcr-
entlyto the way in which they have themselves but just
pronounced it, and in a tone and manner strongly suggestive
of correction, it is wounding to their amoitr jrrop-e.

As a rale, when peraora are in doubt as to the correct
pronunciation of any particular name, it would be best to
avoid mentioning it, if possible, until their doubts are set
at rest by some one better informed than themselves.

Names that have a fashionable or peculiai' pronunciation,
or are pronounced otherwise than as they are spelt, are but
few, and names which it is possible wrongly to accent are
also not veiy numerous ; but it is surprising how often
these names occur in the course of conversation.

The names of distinguished artists that are open to mis-
piounnciation occur far oftener in convci'satiou than do the
ngoncral run of uncommon surnames.

There are many celebrated hunts and hunting quarters of
^■which the names are open to considerable mispronunciation.

"With regard to placing the accent on the wrong syllable
in the pronuuciiil ion of names, it reijuircs but little thought

64 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

to avoid maTvicg this mistake, a popnlai- error being tliafc of
placing the accent upon the last BjUable of a name ; where,
as ia a name of two syllables, tlio accent should invariably
be placed npon the first, and the second syllable should be
as it were sligntly abbreviated or slightly altered, where the
last syllable, and not the fii'st, should be accented.

In names of three syllables the error nsaally consists in
placing the accent npon the last syllable, whereas the accent
should be placed npon the second syllable. There are occa-
sional exceptions to this rule, and the few names given in
this chapter, both as regards their pronunciation and
accentuation, will serve as a useful guide in the pronuncia-
tion of uncommon names.

t

Arbnthoot.

Arbuth'not.

AnindcL

Arrandel.

Aborgaireiiny.

Abergcnnr.

.^1' uot soundol.

Beokonsfield.

BeaucJerU or 1 Bo'cl.iir.
Benuclerc /

Accent

u fiist ayllaljle.

Beacham.

Belvoir.

Sever.

Bethuna.

Beeton.

Bericely.

Barklcy.

Bicarter;

Eis'ter.

Accent

n firit sjllaljle.

Bouike.

Burt.

Bourne.

Bum.

BovrlEB.

Boles.

Blount.

Blunt.

Bljth.

Bly.

iTinotE

ounded.

BrettdnllKmc

BreariaalTiane.

Accent c

n tliii-d sylliiblc

Brougham.

Broirni.

Bnchan.

Buclt'flii.

Accent

n Brat nyllable.

BoTdctt;

BnrdpLb,

Accent

n Iftst syllable.

Bomett

Eamett.

Accent

n last lyllable.

Bury.

Berry,

Caldeton.

Cftlclron not
Caulilioii.

Cirenoesfor.

CiB'cstei'.

Accent

n first syllable.

Pockbnrn.

■ CSbnm.

Ciaot

oiindcO.

Pronunciation of Certain Surnames. 65

SPELT.

PBOXOUNCKD.

REMARKS.

Colquhoun.

Koohoon'.

Accent on last syllable.

Conynham.

Canyingham.

Coutts.

Koots.

Cowper.

Couper.

Charteris

Charters.

Cholmeley.

Chumley.

^ —

Cholmondelcy.

»>

Clanricaitle.

Clanri'carde.

Accent on second sylla-

•

ble.

BalzieL

Dee'al.

Accent on first syllable.

Derby.

Darby.

Dcs Vaux.

Deveu.

The X not sounded.

Devereux.

Devereu.

The X not sounded.

Dillwyn.

Dillun.

The wy takes the sound
of n, the accent on first
syllable.

Dachesno.

Dukam.

DuPlat.

Du Plar.

Elgin.
Eyre.

Air.

The g hard as in give.

Fildes.

Filedes.

Not Filldes.

Fortescuo.

As spelt.

Geoffrey.

Jefrey.

Geoghegai;.

Gaygan.

Gifford.

The g soft as in George.

GUlett.

G hard as in Gilbert.

GiUott.

6^ hard.

Glamis.

Glarms.

Gorges,

First g hard and second
«7Soft.

Gouglu

Goff.

■^

Gowcr.

Gor.

But Gowcr as recards the

Harcourt.

Heathcote.

Hertford.

Home.

Hughes.

HarOiut.

Hcthkut.

Harford.

Hume.

Hews.

street of that name
with the general
public.

Accent on fint i^llaUa*

Johnstone.
Jervis.

Jaryifl.

The t not 80tinded«

66 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

Viti.t

PROFOnSCKD

EKARKS.

KeniwlitL

Eennairti'.

Accent o

n last flyllablc.

Kennard.

Kemiani'.

Accent

n last syllable.

Ker.

Kar.

KnoCya.

Knoivls.

Layafd.

Laiitl.

Leconficlil.

Lekonfield.

Lefevre.

Lefavre,

Leigh.

Lee.

Livden.

JIacnamara.

Macnemar'ar.

Accent o

n thii-d syllflble.

Mainwariiig.

Mannering.

Marjori banks.

Marshbanks.

McLeod.

McCloud.

Mcintosh.

Makintosb.

Mynges.

Accent o

n iirat syllable.

Mem.

Mevfl

The e not soimded.

MiUaia.

Miilay.

n first BjUable.

Hilnea.

Milla.

Molpieiix.

The B

sounded, with

SliEht

accent on last

BjUable.

Monck.

Mtrnk.

Monckton.

Munk'ton.

Accent

n first syllable.

Monaon.

Mnnson,

MontgomeriE or 1 ,i„„„, -

Accent c
ble.

m second gylla-

Mowbmy.

Mohrey.

FimmU
Pepys.

Pierrepont,

PonBoubv.

Pastsfnct.

PngK

PjFteUey.

Accent on first syllabic

able *l

Pronunciation of Certain Surnames. 67

SPELT.

PRONOUNCED.

REMARKS.

St. Clair.

Sinclair.

St. Maur.

St, John.

Sinjin.

As regards Christian and
somamc, but as St.
John when applied to
church or localitj.

Strachan,

Strawn«

Tyrrwhitt.

Tirritt.

ToUemachc.

Tollmash.

Tadema.

Tad'ymar.

Accent on first syllable.

Tremayne.

Tremayne'.

Accent on last syllable.

Trede^r.

Trede'gar.

Accent on second sylla-

Trafalgar.

Trafalgar'.

ble.

Accent on last syUable
as regards the peer of
that name, not other-
wise.

Vanghan.
Yaox.

Villbois.
Villiers.

Vom.

Vealbwor.
ViUers.

The » Bounded.

Waldegravc. Walgrave.

Wemyss. Weemss.

WiUoughby D'Eresby. Willowby D'Krsby.

The i^ not aoonded.

^

1^

CHAPTER X.

I

i

DlUWIKG-ROOHS AEE ATTENDED BY tllOSG lodieS IvJlO

have been presented to Her Majesty.

They have the privilege of attending one di'awing-room
in each year ; but to attend a drawing-room annually ia not
obligatory on society in fjeneral, and ladies can attend
within any number of years, provided no change has taken
place in tbcir social position during the interval that has
been allowed to elapse ; but the nsual custom is for married
ladies to attend a drawing-room either armnally, in alternate
years, or within a period of from throe to five years.

Aa EEGA11D3 YouKa UiraAiiKiED Ladies, the rule is very
variable aa to the number of times they attend a drawing-
room after a iirst presentation : some attend the following
year ; others not again until their marriage, when a fresli
presentation becomes necessaiy ; and others in alternate
years. The unmarried daughters of the nobility nsually
attend annually, but this also ia a matter of inclination.

The Ndjibee of Ladies who attend Her Majesty's
diawing-rooma ia yearly on the increase ; formerly, only
persona of recognised position considered themselves justi-
Sod in being presented, but of late years persona whose
social status scarcely comes under this head consider them-
selves eligible for the honour of a presentation.

I

The Pereoks Entitled to Attesd Her Majesty's
Drawdjq- ROOMS are tbe wives and daughters of the members
of the aristocracy, the county gentry and town gentry, the
wives and daughters of the members of the legal, military,
naval, clerical, medical, and other profoBsions, the wives
and daughters of merchants, bankers, and members of tlio
Stock Exchange, and persons engaged in commerce on a
lorge scale. The wives and daughters of the wealthy
niannfacturers are not themselves debarred from attending
drawing-rooms and levees if their wealth, education, and
associations warrant them in so doing.

Although the word gentry is thus elastic, and although
persions coming within the categoi-y might be fairly entitled
to the privilege of attending drawing-rooms, yet it is well
understood that birth, wealth, associations, and position
give a raiion d'etre for such privilege ; as, for instance, the
wife or daughters of an officer in the navy, or a line regi-
ment, whose means are slender, and whose position is obscure,
would not be justified for these reasons ia attending a
drawing-room, although the officer himself might attend a
IcTco if desirons of doing so ; acd this remark equally applies
to the wives and daughters of clergymen, barristers, and
Others similarly situated.

From the classes above enumerated the wives and
daughters of those holding high official appointments in the
Government, and the wives and daughters of Jlerabers of
Parliament, are specially entitled to presentations to Her
Majeaty.

Prebestatiokb to Her UIajebty are made officially by
the varions foreign ambassndresfcs, by the wives of the mem-
bers of the cabinet, and by the wives of other official
personages in various departments of the state, either civil,
military and [lava), or clerical.

PrcBcntations to Her Majesty should be made either by Et

k

70 Alajtrters and Rules of Good Society.

relative or a friend of the lady presented who has hEraelf
been previoQaly presented.

A lady making a presentatioa must attend the drawing-
room at which the preeeatatioa is made.

When a presentation ia not made officially or hy a near
relative it is considered a favour on the part of the person
making the presentation towards the person presented.

The respoDflibility of a presentation rests upon the person
nho makes it, both as to the social and moral fitness of the
person presented ; therefore, to solicit the favour of a pre-
sentation from a mere acquaintance is to incnr a consider-
able obligation, and it ia a i'avoar ladies hare no hesitation
in refusing unless good reasons exist for granting it.

When presentations are made through official channels
the responsibility rests upon the " office " rather than npon
the person making the pi-esentation ; hence presentations so
made have little personal significance to the person making
them.

A Lady having beex Presented, has the privilege of
attending any subsequent drawing-room during the remain-
der of her life, imless any change occurs in her social posi-
tion ; that is to say, if presented before her man-iage, she
must again he presented after her marriage, and she could
not attend a " drawing-room " unless thus again presented.
On the accession of her husband to any title, sbe would
again have to be presented, and should she marry a second
time another presentation would be necessaiy to entitle her
to attend one of Her Majesty's drawing-rooms.

It is the Peivilege op the Mareied Lady to make
PaESENTATioKS, but wheD a lady does not occupy a prominent
and thoroughly recognised position in society she is expected
to exercise the greatest discretion in ihe use of such piivi-
lege. Persona of distinction and consideration are from their
associatioas less likely to make a mistake in this direction.

Presentations at Drawing-rooms.

An Unuarbied Lady does kot possess the phivileob
of making a presentation, however high her rank may he.

Four Deawing-rooms are ukl-ally held durixg the
YEAH, and are now held at BuckiDgham Palace instead of
at St. James's as heretofore, greater aucoinmodation being
available at the former palace than at the latter.

Two drawing-rooms are held before Easter and two after
Easter, but due intimation is given previous to each draw-
ing-room being held by the Lord Chamberlain thi'oagh the
medium of the official Gazelle, from whence it is copied into
the newspapers.

A Jady is not espoi;ted to attend more than one drawing-
room out of the four held each year j it would be very
unusual were she to do bo.

The wives of members of the cabinet and of the ambassa-
dors or ministers at the Court of St. James's usually attend
the four drawing-rooms, and have the privilege of doing so
by reason of the official presentations made by them at each
drawiog-ix)om.

It is kow comi'llsory for a Lady making a preBcnta-
(ioa to be herself present at the drawing-room at which the
preseutation is to be made, though it is not necessary for
her to accompany the person whom she presents, but simply
to attend the same drawing-room.

When a Lady intends making a Preeehtatiok she
should write a, note to the Lord Chamberlain informing him
of Jier intention of being present, and mentioning the name
of the lady to bo presented by her.

When a Lady is about to be Presented elie should
apply at the Lord Chamberlain's office for two cards, wliich
require to he filled in the vacant spaceB with the desired
information- — name, address, whom tlie wife of, whom tho
daughter of, and by whom to bo presented. One of these

72 JlJajiners and Rules of Good Society.

cards must bo signed by the lady malting the presentation.
These cards should ho left at the Lord Chamberlain's office
ivithin three or four days at least of that on which the
diawing-room ia appointed to be held, in order that the list
of the nauics of the ladies to be presented may be duly sub-
mitted for Her Majesty's approval.

IVo other cai'ds should he obtained from the Lord
Charaherlain's office the day previous to the drawing-room,
which should be filled in acoording to the form of the
statements required — the name of the lady presented, and
the name of the lady by whom the presentation is to be
nade.

These cards Ehould be taken to the Palace on the day of
the drawing-room hy the lady who is to be presented, and
should be given by her, the one to the page iii the ante-
room, and the other to the usher at the entrance of the
Tlirone-room, by whom it ia handed to the Lord Chamberlain,
ivho then announces the names to Her Majesty.

Drawikq-eooms commence at two o'clock or three o'clock
according to the notice given. Her Majesty usually remains
in the Throne-room from an hour to an hour and a ball',
when the Princess of Wales takes her place. Her Majesty
usually stands the whole of the time when holding a drawing-
room, which is naturally very fatiguing when the drawing-
room is a full one ; and the Princess of 'ffales stands also,
as do the other members of the Royal Family present.

Those who have the pitiyiLEGE of the Entbkb enter
at the gate of the Palace situated outside Buckingham Gate.
Tiiose who possess this privilege are the diplomatic circle,
the Cabinet ministers and their wives, and the members of
the Household. The rooms, two in number, next to the
Presence Chamber, are appropriated to them. All who have
the privilege of the mtiiR are received by Her Majesty
before the general eii'clc, and according to their indiiidual

J

When a Lady ahrives at the Palace she should

j either leave her wraps in the carriage or leave them in the

doak-room. After croBsing the Great Hall, she ehoulJ

} tbeti make her way up the Grand Staircase to the Corridor,

where she should hand one card to the page-in- waiting, and

I should then pass on to one of the saloons.

When a lady arrives early she gains admission to the
next to those reserved for the enlree. When she
arrives late she has to take her place in a further room of
the suite according; to the number of persons present.

The gentlemen-at-aims stationed at the door of each
room close the gilt barriers when they consider the saloons
arc ftdl. Chairs ai'e placed in these saloons for the accommo-
dation of ladies thua waiting their turn to enter the Throne-
room or Presence Chamber,

As the ladies quit each room for the Presence Chamber,
othei-a take their places, and the barriei's are again closed,
and this is continued until eveiy one has been received.
. A lady has to pass through the two eiilrh saloons before
reaching the Picture Gallery.

At the door of the Pictni'e Gallery a kdy's train, which
she has hitherto carried oil her arm, is let down by two
officials in attendance, and spread out by them nith theii'
wands ; she should cross the gallery with her train down to
the Presence Chamber, at the door of which she should give
the second of the cards she lias brought with her to the
official stationed there to receive it.
A lady should take off her right-hand glove before
l^tering the Picture Gallery.

A Lady os beikq Pheskkted, Idspes the Queen's hand,
[and f-hould place her hand beiicafh Her Majesty's, who

I

74 Maimers and Rules of Good Society.

extende it to the lady preecntcd for her to kiss, ivhich B^.e
should kisH while curtseying.

Peeresses and daughters of peers do not kiss the Qneen's
hand, aa Her Majesty kisses them on the cheek or forehead
instead.

When the Princess of Wales takes Her Majesty's place at
a drawing-room, a lady on presentation does not kiss her
hand, but cartseya only,

A lady on being presented, should cartsey to any leading
member of the Royal Family when she has passed Her
Majesty, and should leave the presence, stepping backwards,
from curtsey to curtsey, thus facing the Royal party, until
making her exit from tJie apartment, when an official places
het train on her arm at the threshold of the doorway.

When a Lady attekiis a Drawikg-eoom, after having
been duly presented, it is not necessary to inform the Lord
Chamberlain of her intention of so doing. She should take
two large cards with her with her name clearly written upon
them, one of which she should give to the Page-in-waitlng
in the con-idor, and the other to the ofHcial stationed at tho
door of the Presence Chamber. These cards may bo
obtained at Buckingham Palace on the day of the drawing-
room, but much delay ia avoided by a lady bringing the
cards with her,

A lady attending a drawing-room does not kiss the Queen's
hand, as on her presentation, but curtseys to her only as
she passes ; she should also curtsey to the leading members
of tho Eoyal Family on passing them, in the order in which
they stand.

In thk Gdneral Circle thiirb is no Precedency as
to tlie order in which ladies attending a drawing-room enter
the Prcsenee Chamber. Tho earliest arrivals are the first
to appear before Her Majesty, without reference to rank or

J

position J and the eame rule applies to ladiea who are pre-
sented, or to ladies who make presentations.

A Maeeibd Lady PiiniiBNTEii at a BnAWisfl-aooM can,
at the same drawing-room, make a presentation ; hnt in
this coso the person presented by her, should enter the
Presence Chamhcr after her and not before her.

LaDIE-S who have bees PllESENTED AT A DrAWIXG-

EOOM have the privilege of writing their names in Her
Majesty's visiting-book at BackioKhaiu Palace once daring
the season, but only when Her Majesty is residing at the
Palace. The hours of calling for this purpose are generally
from three to five o'clock in the afternoon.

WuBS TiiK PiiixcEsa OP AV.ATj;s assists Her Majesty in
holding a drawing-room, persons who attend a drawing-
room have also the privilege of writing their names in the
Tisiting-book of the Prince and Princess of IVales at
Marlborough House ; but tlie privilege does not extend any
further, and they are not entitled to write their names in
the visiting- books of other members of the Royal Family,

I unless personally acquainted, or otherwise brought into

f contact with them.

It is isipeeative for Ladies to weae Full Djiess
when attending or being presented at a drawing-room, viz.,
low bodice, short sleeves, and train to dress not less than
three yards and a half in length.

Whether the train is cut round or square, or fastened
from the shoulders or from beneath the bodice, is a malter
of inclination or fashion.

It is also impei'ativo that a presentation-dress should be
white, if the person presented he an unmarried lady ; and

1 it is also the fushion for married ladies to weax white on

I their presentation, unless their ago renders their doing so

L unsuitable.

76 Maimers and Rules of Good Society.

Tho wliitG dresses worn by either debutantes or married
ladicB, may be trimmed with either coloured or white flowers,
accordiufj to individual taste.

It is oompulsouy FOit both Maeeibd and TJkmarried
Ladies to weae Plumes. The married lady's eonrt pliime
consists of three white feathers.

An nnmarried lady's of two white feathers.

A iady must either wear lace lappets or a tulle veil ; as a
rule, the former are worn by married ladies, and the latter
by unmarried ladies ; bnt this is also a matter of individual
taste. Until recently, coloured feathers were adopted by
many ladies attending drawing-rooms ; but the original
regulations respecting the wearing of white plumes are now
strictly enforced by Royal command.

The regulation respecting low bodices is also absolute ;
though under very exceptional circumstances, permission
can be obtained from the Lord Chamberlain for a modifica-
tion of this decree, if the application be accompanied by a
certificate from a physician as to the inability of the appli-
cant to appear in a low bodice.

A Gentlbjiak might accompasy his Wipe or
Dacoiiter to a drawing-room if he has been previously
presented at a levte, and pass Her Majesty in !iis turn,
but it is nnnsnal for a gentleman to do so. Her Majesty's
express wish that gentlemen should not attend drawing-
rooms which are held for ladies only, being thoroughly
understood and generally respected.

It by ko means follows that a presentation to Her
Majesty entitles a person to an invitation to either of the
State-balls or Concerts held during the London season at
Buckingham Palace, although many persona erroneously
suppose it to be the case.

Formerly the Lord Cbamherkin strictly enforced the rule

Presentations at Drawing-rooms. 77

^ of not issuing invitations for either of these entertainments
save to those jKrEons who had attended a drawing-room or

, lev6e in the same year in wiiich the ball or concert was
giren, but latterly this rnle has been rescinded by Her
Majesty's command.

Persons who have been presented at drawing-rooms
are not entitled to attend a " Coui't." A Court is a
teceptioQ held by Her Majesty, and persons attend it by
command of Her Majesty only ; and no presentations
are made except by command also. One or two Courts at
most are held each year, and ai'e nfiually held before Easter,
at which the leading members of the aristocracy, the diplo-
matic body, the Premier, and members of the Cabinet, &c.,
are received.

Should akt Person be pbesested whose antecedents
or present position renders her socially miqnalified to bo
presented, the Lord Chamberlain, on becoming aware of the
feet, would at once cancel the presentation, and officially
announce it in the Gazette, and the person making such
presentation would be expected to tender an apology for so

CHAPTER XI.

PaESENTATIOSa AT LEVLES AND ATTESDIKG LBViES.

Levies ahb held by the Priscg of Wales on behalf
of Hm Majesty, and it is Her Majesty's pleasure that a
presentation to the Prince of Wales should be equivalent to
a presentation to herself.

Four Le7i.es are usually held every yeah by the
Prince of Wales at 8t. James's Palace.

Gentlemen are officially presented by the heads of any
department or profession to which they individnally belong,
whether civil or military, naval or clerical ; it is more usual
for a gentleman to be presented by the head of his department,
or by the colonel of his regiment, than by his nearest relative.

PrESEKTATIOHB AEE also MADll BY RELATIYES and

friends of those presented ; bnt these are greatly in the
minority at all IcrSea.

Gentlemen must be again presented at every step in
their career, whether civil, military, naval, or clerical, — on
civil appointments, on gainingstcpsof naval, military, legal
or clerical rank, and on accession to title, whether inherited
or confeiTed.

A gentleman is not espected to attend more than one
levfe each year.

Those entiled to be presented at Her Majesty's
LeviSes are the members of the aristocracy and gentry,
the members of Uie diplomatic corps, the Cabinet, and all

J

^^P flaj

Prcsaiiaiions and Attending Lez'<fes. jg

I
I

eading; Govennnent officials. Members of Parliament, lead-
ing members of the legal profession, the naval and military
professions, the leading members of the clerical profession)
the leading members of the medical and artistiu pi-ofessiona,
the leading bankers, merchants, and members of the Stock
Exchange, and persons engaged ia commerce on a large
Bcale; but at trade known as retail trade, however ex-
fensiye its operations, the line ia drawn, and very strictly
BO, as were a person actnally engaged in trade to obtain a
presentation, his presentation would be cancelled as soon as
the Lord Chamberlain was made aware of the nature of his
occupation,* but the sons of wealthy manufacturers are not
jffecluded from attending levees if their wealth, education,
and associations warrant their so doing.

The dates on which leviics are to be held are duly an-
noanced in the Gazette, and in the daily newspnpers.

WnEN A Gentleman is aeodt to be pbesexted ho
should obtain two cards at the Lord Chamberlain's office,
to be filled in and left at the office three or four days
previous to the day of the levee ; and two large cards,
which have also to be filled in with bis name and the name
of the person presenting him, wliich he should take to the
Palace with him on the day of the levee, to be given, the
one to the official in the ante-room, and the other to tJie
official stationed at the door of the Presence Chamber.

Unless young single men are of high rank and social
standing they do not usually make presentations.

Gentlemen of inferior position and social standing are not
expected to make presentations.

Whes a Gentlemak makes a prbsentat:on it is
compnlsory for hun to attend the same lev(^ as the person
whom he presents ; and he must give notice at the Lord

• An ercerition to this rule ia mada in favoat ot Hay person re-
ceiving Kniffhthood nliea boMin^ the oSlce of Mayer, or being made
a Justice of the Peace, or on receiving a. Commission in the VoIimtMr

J

i

Chamberlain's office tbat Jic intends to make the prc-
Bentation, besides signing the oard sent into tbe office thi'ee
or four days prerionsly. But if purpoeing to attend a
levee only, and not intending to make a presentation, it
wonld not be neceEsary to give notice ; but ho should tako
two large cards with him with his name written npon them. -

A Gestlemah os^ eeing presented bows to the Prince
of Wales, but wonld not kiss hia hand ; bnt he would
kiss Her Majesty's ]iand,were she to hold a lev^e in person,
Gentlemen attending a levfie, also bow to the Prince of Wales,
and to any leading members of the Royal Family present.

The Prince of Wales nsnally siiakes hands with any
gentleman present with whom ho is personally acquainted,
and always with peers and sons of peers.

Oestlemen who have been presented at a Icvde have
the privilege of writing their names in Her Majesty's visit-
ing book at Buckingham Palace, once during the season,
biit only when Her Majesty is residing at the Palace. The
hours of calling for this purpose, are generally from three
to five o'clock in the afternoon.

When the Pi-ince of Wales holds a Icvce, pereons who
attend have also the privilege of writing their names
in the visiting-book of the Prince and Princess of Wales at
Marlborough House ; but the privilege docs not extend any
farther, and they are not entitled to write their names in
the visiting-books of other members of the PlojbI Family,
unless personally acquainted or otherwise brought into
iontact with them, Should any person be presented whose
antecedents or present position renders him socially un-
qualified to be presented, the Lord Chamberlain, on be-
coming aw f th la t, would at once cancel the presenta-
tion and ffi ally ann ice it in the Qmette, and the person
making h p nt t n would be expected to tender an
apology 1 s d

Febso a WHO H DEEN PKE8EKTED at a hxie are not

I entitled to attend a "Court." A"Coiut"iB a reoeption
held by Her Majeety, and persons attend it by command of
Her Majesty only; and no preBentations are made except by
command also.

One or two Conrts at most are held each year, and are
nsnally held before Easter, at which the leading members
of the aristocracy, the diplomatic body, the Premier, and
members of the Cabinet, etc., are received.

■ Ab HEGABD3 THE DkES8 TO BE WORN AT LETl^Ea, fulU

I dress uniform is invariably worn by all gentlemen entitled
to wear it — officers of both services, officers of the Militia,
volunteer officers, deputy lieutenants, etc.

All officers of Scottish kilted corps, whetlier regulars,
militia, or volunteers, should wear the kilt in conrt dress,
irrespective of their being mounted officers or not.

Officers on half-pay wear a regulation uniform and not
the full-dress uniform of their regiment. Legal dignitaries
wear their full-dress robes of office.

■ Archbishops, bishops, and clergy, should appear in fall
I canonicals, that is, black silk full or pudding-sleeve gowns,

oassock and sash bands, etc., with black breeches, silk
stockings, shoes and buckles. The academical babit should
not be worn at Court except when addi'esses are presented
from the Universities.

Gentlemen not belonging to any profession, and strictly

speaking civilians, wear Court dress, which is either of ololh

or velvet, the former being more worn than the latter.

I When the soit is of cloth it consists of trousers of claret or

1 of dark blue colour, with a narrow gold stripe down the

I side J a dress coat, siDgie-brcasted, with broad collar, cuffs,

and pocket flaps ; white waistcoat and white tie, cocked hat

and sword. When the dress is of velvet the dress coat is

usually ornamented with steel buttons ; knee breeches, wiib

Bilk stockings, shoes and buckles, are worn, and not trousers.

I The cocked hat and sword should be worn in either case.

82 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

Old court dress consisting of silk waistcoat^ lace rofSes,
and bag wig, is occasionally worn by elderly gentlemen.

Dark claret, dark bine, and dark brown, are the colonrs
usually worn by civilians when the suit is of cloth, and
black when it is of velvet.

Gentlemen wear gloves when attending levies, but they
remove the right hand glove before entering the Presence
Chamber.

When the Court is in mourning, gentlemen attending a
lev^ are expected to wear a band of black crape on the left
arm above the elbow.

The Levies held by the Commander-in-Chief are
intended for military men only, and not for civilians, and
are simply military receptions at which presentations are
also made.

CHAPTER Xir.

BALLS AND STATE BALLS.

Balls are given in town and coTiiitry by society at large,
and tbese invitatiou balls inclade Hunt BallB, Military and
Naval Balls, Militia, Teomanry, and Volunteer Balls,
Bachelor's Balls, etc.

Public Balls ai'e those balls for which tickets of
BdmiBsion can be purchased, although for many of these
balls it is necessary to obtain vouchers from the committees
or patronesses, when held in town or at watering places.

Public balls include County Balls, Charity Balls, and
Subscription Balls, etc.

In Town, Ball givino is in a way a science, and an
amuBeinent upon which large suma of money are frequently
expended.

A CROWDED Ball ia not always pronounced a good ball
by the guests, often the contrary, but then, again, what is
termed a thin ball is open to the accusation of not going
off well, and falling rather flat, of not being kept up with
spirit, and of being considered a stupid ball, and so on.

To hit upon a happy medium with regard to the number
of gnests is an achievement in ball giving, which is only
arrived at by a careful study of the map of the country, aud
a judicious selection of night. This selectiou is of para-
mount importance to the success of a ball, as when a

I

Bmarter ball is given at a emartcr honse on ilio particular
eyening chosen by the giver of a less brilliant ball, the
grander ball extiiignishes the lesBcr bal!, through the
most fashionable people merely looking in at the one, and
remaining the reat of the evening at the other. This
putting out aa it were of the lesser light, occurs very
frequently during the London season to ball givers moving
in the same sets. The guests who have been expected to
add lustre fco the lesser balls appear but for a few minutes,
Bnd usually arrive rather early, uncomplimentarily early, at
perhaps a little before eleven, and remain hardly half an
hour in the i-ooais, making their way to another ball of the
same calibre, and remaining there perhaps another twenty
minutes, before an-iving at the goal, viz. : tlie ball of the
evening. Both ladies and gentlemen follow this practice,
thus, at a little after twelve, an average ball giver finds her
rooms deserted by all but those who have nowhere else to
go. Although the flitting of the guests thus early is a
disappointment to the hostess, and although it does not
prevent the fleeting ball givers from making suitable
returns by placing the family on their ball lists, it yet
greatly mars the enjoyment of the ball, and prevents it
being looked back upon with anything approaching to
pleasure or satisfaction, the departure of the most eligible
partners being not the least of the vexations of the night.

These contrelemps are sometimes unavoidable j but, when
practicable, it is always best to postpone a ball rather than
to allow it to clash with a ball of greater pretentions.

An impromptu dance is often a great success, while an im-
promptu ball is almost as certain to prove a great failure.

The differekce between i Dakce and a Bai,l con-
sists in the unmber of the invitations issued, in the strength
of the band, and the extent of the supper arrangements.

At a dance the number of the guests varies from eighty

to two hundred ; at a. ball ttiRy vary from two liundred to
five hundred.

At a dance a piano band is freqnently engaged, while at
& ball a fuU band is requisite. At a ball the floral decora-
tions are a great feature, at a small dance they are often
diapensefl with. Ladies new to society as it were, or whose
circle of acquaintance ia of a limited character, and who do
not nnmber in that circle many ball girers, and who yet
desire to form a ball acquaintance, frequently place their
bait in the hands of some intimate friend of higher standing
than themselves, giving her mrte llaiirhf to fonn a ball list.
When this plan is followed, invitations are still sent out by
tiie ball giver ; in every case the name and complimenta of
the iady who forms the list are sent with the card.

This plan, although of advantage to the hostess, is often
productive of much unpleasantiicss to her unfashionable
friends who arc naturally very much affronted at being
excluded from the ball list, which they usually are, as a
lady who undertakes to form a ball list for a friend is not
a little arbitrary as to the conditions under ivhich she
assumes its management. She naturally wishes the ball to
be confined to her own set, to the exclusion of what slio
terras ail outsiders.

Ladies are always more or less reluctant to yield up their
ball to the exclusion of their old friends, however anxious
tbey may be to make new ones. But when a ball is thus
given it is thoroughly understood that conditions, however
stringent, must be complied with.

A Hostess anouu) receive hee Guests at the head of
the staircase at a ball given in town, and at the door of the
ball-room at a country house ball. She should shake hands
with each guest in the order of their arrival.

The ladies of a i)arty should advance towai-ds tho hostess,
followed by the gentlemen of their pai'ty.

r

86 Manners and Rulss of Good Society.

A ladj and geutleman ehonld not ascend the staircase
arm-in-arm, or make their entrance into the ball-room arm-
in-arm. The gentlemen invariably enter the ball-room
after the ladies of tlieir party, and never before them, or
arm-in-arm with them. A baU is nsnally opened either by
the hostess herself, or by one of her daughters,

Opekikg a Ball siinply eignifiea dancing in the iiret
quadrille at tlie top of the room with a gentleman of
highest rank present.

When a member of the Royal Family, or a foreign
Prince, is expected, dancing should not eommcnce until tbe
arrival of the Rojal guest; and when the Koyal guest is a
lady, the host should open the ball with her, having bis
wife or daughter as via-il-TiB. IVhen the Royal guest is a
Prince, the hostess or her daughter should open the ball
with him.

When a Prince wishes to dance with any lady present,
with whom he is nnacquainted, his equerry informs her of
the Prince's mtention, and conducts her to the Prince,

saying as he does so, " Mrs, A , Sir," or, " Miss B ,

Sir." The Prince bows and offers her bis arm ; tbe lady
should curtsey, and take it. She should not address him,
until addressed by him, it not being considered etiquette
to do so. The same course is followed by a Pi'Iucchb ;
Btrangere to the Princess should not ask her to dance,
the host has the privilege of doing so. When more than
one Royal personage is present, the one of the highest rank
leads the way, with either hostess or host. (See chapter
on " Precedency.")

RoTAL Guests should be received by the host and
hostess at the entrance of the mansion, and by them
conducted to the ball-room.

The same etiquette should be observed on the departure

Uoyal guests as on tlieir arrival.

Balls and State Balls,

87

Genehal Ikteoductions should not be made to Royal
gnests, and introductions should be made by request only.

Uentlemen present at a ball are expected to ask the
daughters of the house for one dance at least.

A hostess should use her own discretion as to any
introduction she thinks proper to make. When a ball is
given in the country, the hostess should endeavour to
find partner for those young kdies who arc strangers to
the general company. But when a ball is given in town,
she is not expected to do so, as in town the guests are
supposed to be acquainted with each other more or less, and
to bo independent of the kind offices of a hostess.

The Dances now in vogue are "Quadrilles," " Lancers,"
"Valsea," "The Highland Schottische," "The Highland
Eeel," and the "Polka," which latter has taken the place so
long occupied by the galop.

Country dances, such as the " Tempcte," " Sir Eoger da
Coverley," etc., are usually danced at private balls when
given in the country ; and often a Loudon ball concludes
with a " Cotillon," in which expensive presents are given.

Tun Precedency obseilvgd in sending guests in to
Bnpi>er is far more punctilioasly followed in the country
than in town, the host should take in the lady of liighest
rank present, and the hostess shonld cnileavonr to send in
the principal guests according to their individual rank ;
but in town she generally leaves the gnests to follow the
host and lady of highest rank according to their inclinations,
a guest shocld not enter the supper-room before the host
has done so.

For the Tarions descriptions of ball-suppers, see the work
entitled " Party Giving on every Scale."

When a gentleman takes a lady in to supper, he shonld
re-conduct her to the ball-room as a matter of course ; the
fact of friends joining her in the supper room would not

rclievE liiin from tliis obligation. And the same etiquette
Dpplica equally to & lady. She should Tetnrn to tha ball-
I'coni only with the gentleman who has takeu her down
to supper, unless she is engaged for the ensuing dance,
ivhen her partner might come in quest of her ; she should
then return to the ball-room witli him.

It is not usual for guests to take leave of a iiostesa at a
London ball. This remark applies to acquaintances of the
hostess, and not to intimate friends.

At a eonntry ball the guests are on a more friendly
footing than is generally (he case in town ; and, therefore,
make a point of taking leave of the hostess if possible.

It is optional whether a host conducts a lady to her
carriage or not. In the country more is espcetcd of him
than in town in this respect, as at a London ball, such a
civility would involve a vast amonnt of exertion which few
hosts would be willing to undergo : ladies accompanied
by an acquaintance genei'ally make their way to their

The custom of coveiukg is hilall ualcokies, and the
windows of the drawing-rooms where a ball takes place,
rendering the atmosphere of the room almost insupportable
from the total exclusion of air, is fast disappearing. The
Bpaco gained by this means for the accommodation of the
guests is totally disproportionate to the discomfort thereby
entailed upon them.

Ball givers have at length realised the mistake of crowding
of from between two hundred to three hundred people
tojjelhcr into rooms not properly ventilated, and it is now
the rule, when covering in balconies, to introduce window
frames into the bunting covering, and to drape them with
lace curtains, etc. The windows of the ball-room being
entirely removed.

Large blocks of ico are frequently placed in convenient

f Bpots for the purpose of cooling the atmosphere, and
I coloured ice produces a pretty effect.

Putcnt veutilutora are also much in use, and the substitu-
tion of electric lighting, on account of its emitting no heat,
is fast becoming general.

Ball-gooFB appreciate these alterations as only those who
haTe esperienccd the close, stifling atmosphere of an ovtr-
crowdcd ball-room can do, and as half the London ball-
rooms are only aTerage-sized drawing-rooms, the absurdity
I of excluding air from the ball-room with yards of thick
I canvas, cann<it be too severely criticised.

Ball-girors too frequently issue far more invitations than
I tho size of their rooms authorises, under the mistaken idea
' that to have a great crowd in their rooms is to give a good
' ball.

But experienced ball-givers limit the number of their

invitations to under two hundred, instead of expanding it

■ffl over three hundred.

The Country Ball keason ostensibly commences in

[ Kovember, reaches ite zenith in January and terminates

i early in Februaiy.

The stewards of these balls are, as a rule, the representa-

lives of the various elates by whom they are attended ; the

' members of the aristocracy residing in the county heading

the list of stewards, and the members of the professional

classes usually closing it.

The top of the ball-room is, as a rule, appropriated

, by the aristocratic element, head stewards and "lady

I patronesses."

The enjoyment derived from country balls depends upon
I a variety of circumstances, which do not inflnence in a like
c the ball-going world of London.

County Balls are principally composed of a Borica of
I large parties brougJit by different ladies iu the neighbour-

J

9a Manners and Rules of Good Society.

hood where the Iinll ia held ; Lnt there are two cloEses of
county balls, balls which ore held in large and populous
tovpiia and attended by the principal residents of the towns,
with only a small sprinkling of the county aristocracy and
county gentry.

Tiicro are also Hunt balls and annual Charity balls which
take place between October and February, and which are an
amalgamation of both classes of balls.

The neighbourhood where a ball is held is a aufHcient
iadieatiou as to whether it is likely to be a smart one or
not.

As a rule the leading ladies of a county lend their names
as patronesses and supporters of a charity ball, although
it by no means follows that they will personally attend it ;
but a long list of influential pati'oncsses materially increases
the sale of tickets, which is the result to be achieved.

A largo attendance is not the primary object of a county
ball, as the sum raised by the sale of tickets is only required
to defray the expenses of the ball, although these are some-
times considerable, especially when the decorations arc
elaborate, and the arrangements on a grand scale, in which
case there is not seldom a deficiency rather than a surplus,
which deficiency is defrayed by tiie stewards themselves.

To ensure a good ball considerable unanimity on the part
of the county ladies is demanded, and they usually meet
and consult together previous to fixing the date of the hall
to take into consideration the fixtures of ncighboaring
coonty balls to avoid the possibility of the said biilla
clashing with their own county ball, and also with a view
of perhaps attracting the house parties of their more distant
neighbours to swell the nnmbers at their own ball.

House parties invited for a ball vary from ten to twenty-
fire, aa the accommodation of a house admits.

It is not the province of the stewards of a ball to find
■TTtners for either ladies or gentlemen, and, therefore, if a

Balls and State Balls.

91

' lady does not form one of a large party, but merely attends
s county ball with a relative or fi'iend, and has not a large
acquaintance amongst those present, she has Tery little
chance of obtaining partners.

It is usual for youn^ ladies to return to their chaperons
after each dance, or after they have been to the tea-room.

A eouple should not stand arm-in-arm during the pauses
' in the figures of a quadrille, or while resting during a
1 Talse,

In round dances, it is customary to take frequent pauses,
) and not to race round the ball-room until the music ceases.

At country bails programmes are invariably used ; at
London balls they are never used, save at public balls.

County balls usually commence between nine and ten
o'clock, sometimes a ball is not opened nntil the most
influential of the stewards and their parties have arrived,
but oftener than not the two first dances are over before the
arrival of the county magnates.

It depends upon the length of the drive at what Lime
people arrive at a ball ; as a rule, they do not airive iater
tJian lO'SO P.M.
I The nsual mode of conveying a house-party to a ball is
by private omnibus in addition to caiTinges ; bnt when an
omnibus and flys are hired for the occasion the expense of
these should be defrayed by the guests themselves.

It is usual to leave a country ball not later tSiaa balf-
past two ; the most fashionable people invariably do so
about that hour.

As a matter of course persons attending public balls tnke
their ball tickets with them.

When Attekdikg a Military Ball, or a Hunt ball,
it is usually the rule to take the invitation card and hand it
I to the sergeant or official in attendance.

It is sometimes stated on the invitation card that this ia

92 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

to be done, although it is often taken for granted tliat
peraoDB will do so of their own accord.

At balls given by private individuals, the invited gnests
should not bring their invitation cards with them, unless in
the case of a halma&qyi, where tboy are sometimes requested
to do so.

In giving a ball three weeks' notice is considered neces-
sary, but with regard to a dance a short ten days' notice
Tvonid suffice.

The Invitation Card is the usual "At home" card, the
word " Dancing " being printed in the comer of the card.

The word "ball" should never be used, on an iavita-
tion card, however grand the entertainment j and the same
foim of invitation is employed either in the case of a small
dance or of a large ball, though in the event of a suioU
dance only being given, the words " Small " or "Early"
should be written or printed on the invitation card.

Invitations to a ball should be issued in the name of the
hostess only,

When the host is a widower, with a grown-up daughter,
the invitations should be issued in their joint names.

When the host is a widower, or a bachelor, they should
be issued in his name.

Invitations, issued by officers, members of hunt com-
mittees, bachelors, etc., to their balls, either request the

pleasure or the honour of Jlra. 's company ; but this

formula should not be used by ladies' when issuing invita-
tions ; the " At iiome " cai'd should simply bear the word
" Dancing" on the bottom of the card, the hour and date
filled in in the allotted space, tlio name of the guest written
at the top of the card.

In the case of a written invitation, it would be correct to
the words "ball" or "dancG"whcn alluding to tho
■tainment about to be given, io a friendly note.

1

Balls and State Balls.

93

A lady or gentleman might ask for an invitation for hia

r or her friend to a ball given by an acquaintance, although

I the acquaint anceship n'ere of a slight character ; but a

lady or gentleman should not ask for an invitation to a ball

if unacquainted with the giver of it. The fact of mutual

friends having received invitations to a ball gives no cliiim

upon the hospitality of a stranger, therefore snch reqaesta

ire inadmissible.

The proper course for a person to pursue in tiie event of

I desiring an invitation to a ball given by some one with

I whom he or she is unacquainted, is to request some mutual

I friend to obtain one ; and this course is always followed.

Cabds should be left by the guests present at a ball
[ within the current week if possible. {See chapter on
"Card-Leaving.")

Geatuities should never be given by the guests to tiia
Bervanls of the house where a ball is given.

State Balls.— Two State Balls are annually given at
, Buckingham Palace during the London season by command
I of Her Majesty, Invitations are issued by the Lord Cliam-
I Irerlain, but Her Majesty previously revises the list.

When ladies and gentlemen attend a State ball at Buck-
ingham Palace they make their way to the ball-room
unaimoiniced s and there is no official reception accorded to
them, either by " Royalty " or by the Lord Chamberlain.
Dancing does net commence until the arrival of Ihe
1 Eoyal paitj', when the guests rise and remain e
f -while the Royal Quadrille — with which the ball o
being danced.

The Prince and Princess of Wales do not act as host or
hostess on these occasions, and confine their attentions to
, those with whom they arc personally acquainted.

Ladies attending a State Ball at Buckingham Palace,

r

I

.*

I

94 MaJiners and Rules of Good Society.

sliould wear the usual full evening dress ; but they should
not wear Court trains, or plumes, or lappets.

Gentlemen attending State balls should wear uniform, or
full Court dress — dress coat, breeches and silk stockingo,
shoes and buckles ; trousers can only be worn as part of a
uniform, and not with a Court dress as generally worn at
a levee.

A gentleman intending to dance should remoTe hia
sword, otherwise he should not do so.

When the Court is in monrnin"', ladies attending a Stato
baJl should wear mouming according to the official notice
whicli duly appears in the Gazelle.

Gentlemen should wear crape on the left arm, which
ia supplied in the cloak-room of the Palace to those nho
have forgotten to provide theraselyeH with it, as it ia
imperative, when the Court is in mourning, that a band of
crape shouli be worn at either State hall, or State concert.

The balls given at Marlborough House by the Prince and
Princess of Wales are not State balls, therefore Court dress
is not worn by the gentlemen present.

The Prince and Princes of Wales act as host and hostess
at the balls given by them and receive their guests, shaking
hands with them as they are announced.

Ladies and gentlemen do not take their cards of invita-
tion with them cither to Backingham Palace or to Marl-
borough House.

J

BiNNEii giving ia perhaps the most important of nil
social obseF?anceB, thcreforo dinner parties rank first
emongst all entertainments.

Dinner giving ia so thoroughly understood to rest upon
the principle of aa equivalent, that those who do not give
dinuera hardly come within the category of dinera out.
This rule, however, ia open to many exceptions in favour of
privileged individuals, popular and prominent membera of
society whose presence at dinner parties is appreciated and
welcomed in most circles.

Dinner parties are of more fi-equent occuiTcnce, and arc
I of more social significance than any other form of eiiter-
P. tsinment.

DiHifEa iNViTATiONa, — An invitation to dinner conveys
a greater mark of esteem, or friendship and cordiality,
towards the guett invited, than is conveyed by an invitation
to any other social gathering, it being the highest compli-
ment, socially speaking, that is offered by one person to
another. It is also a civility that can be i-eadily inter-
changed, which ia itself gives it an advantage over all other
ivilities.

The orthodox dinner giver must necessai-ily possess a

certain amount of wealth, and wealth and wit do not a'

I go hand ia hand. Oftener than not, the former rather

96 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

overweights the latter ; hence, the introdnction of a lighter
element in the form of amusing people whose miikr in life
it ia to be arausing and to appear amneod.

Dinner invitations are issued in the joiut names of host
and hostess.

The master of the house occupies a prominent position
amongst his gaestSj when dispensing hospitality as a
" dinner giver."

Dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position
occupied in sooiety by the dinner giver, but it is also a
direct road to obtaining a recognised place in society. A
means of enlarging a limited acquaintance and a reputation
for giving good dinners ia in itself a passport to fashionable
society. Dinner giving in the fullest sense of the word, is
a science not easily acquired, bo much depending on the
talent which the host or hostess may possess for organizing
dinner-parties,

When a large dinner-pai'ty is contemplated, it is usual to
give three weeks' notice, but of late this notice has been
extended to four, five, and even sis weeks.

Diners out are rather inclined to rebel against this inno-
vation, considering that an invitation bearing the date of a
month hence pledges tbem to remain in town, and as it
were controls their movements, for the acceptance of an
invitation ia in the eyes of diners out, a binding obligation
which only ill-health, family bereavement, or some all-im-
portant reason justifies its being set on one side or other-
wise evaded.

Those inconsiderate enough to make trivial excuses at tho
last moment avc not often retained on the dinner-list of a
host or hostess.

Invitations to dinner, whether the notice given bo a long
or short one, should be by habitual diners out, either accepted
or refused within twenty-four hours of their being received.
To wait to return an answer to an invitation given, on the

e of a more desirable invitation being received ia tlie
interim would be discourteons in the extreme.

From five to ten days' notice ia consiilered sufficient Tor
invitations to amall and nneeremoniotis dinner-parties.

Printed cards are in general nse in town for issniug
dinner invitationg, and can be purchased at any stationer's ;
these cards only require to be filled iu with the names of
host and hostess and guests, date, hour, and address. The
united names of the host and hostess should be written in
the space left for that purpose. Thus, " Mr. and Mrs. A.," and
the name or names of the guests in the next vacant space.
I When invitations are issned for small dinner-parties, it is
I more usnal to write notes than to maie nse of printed cards.

Acceptances or refusals of dinner invitations should be
sent with as little delay as possible after the invitations
have been received. It is a want of courtesy on the part of
a person invited not to do so, as a hostess is otherwise left
in doubt aa to whether the person invited intends dining
with her or not, and is consequently unable to fill up the
vacant place with an eligible substitute; thus rendering her
dinner-party an ill-assorted one.

An answer to an invitation cannot be solicited in a sub-
sequent note ; it is therefore incumbent upon the invited
person to despatch an answer within a day or two at least.
Dinner invitations are either sent by post or by a servant,
and the answers are also conveyed in a like manner.

Dinner invitations are invariably sent out by the hostess.

It is not usual in town to invite more than three membera
of one family ; it is now the custom to ask young ladies
with their parents to dinner-parties.

Receiving Dinnee-Gitests. — The guests should arrive
within fifteen minutes of the hour named on the invitation-
card.

On no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in
the case of dining out ; formerly many allowed themselvea

r

9S ]\la}iiiers and Rules of Good Society.

L

great latitude iu this respect, and a long wnit for the tardy
guests was the resalt, A host and liostesa frequently waited
over half-an-hour for expected guests. But now punctualily
has become the rule in the highest circles, and dinner is
served within twenty minutes of the arrival of the first
guest. In general, people much given to dining out mate
a point of arriving in good time ; but there are mauy in
society who presume upon their position, and are prover-
bially unpunctual, knowing that in the height of the season
a hostess would wait half-an-hoor rather than sit down to
dinner without them ; but this waut of consideration soon
becomes known in their different sets, and is nlways taken
into account when " their compajiy is requested at dinner."

In Prance, it is not the rule, or tha custom, to wait
dinner for late arrivals, and the dinner is served punctually
to the hour named in the invitation.

The dinner-hour varies from eight to nine, although
perhaps 8.80 is the most usual hour. In the country it
ranges from 7.30 to 8.30.

Punctuality on the part of the guests enables the hostess
to make any introductions she may consider advisable before
dinner is served.

The host and hostess siionld be in readiness to receive
their guests iu the drawing-room at the hour specified on
the card.

. On arrival, a lady should take off her cloak in the cloak-
room, or should leave it in the hall with the servant in
attendance, before entering the drawing-room.

A gentleman should leave his overcoat and hat ia the
gentlemen's cloak-room, or in the hall.

At large dinner-parties, the butler is stationed on the
staircase, and announces the gue&ta as they arrive. At
small dinner-parties, or where only one man-servant is kept,
the servant precedes the guest or guests on their arriTal, to
the drawing-room.

Dinner Uiving anaJJimng Viit.

99

The guests should then give their names to the aerTaiit,
that he may announce them,

A lady or gentlemau, on being annonnced, should not

enter the drawing-room arm-iu-arna, or side by eide. The

lady or ladies, if more than one, should enter the room in

■ ndvanee of the gentleman, although the servant announces

*' Mr., Mrs., and Miss A."

The host and hostess should come forward and shake
hands with each guest on arrival. The ladies should at
once seat themselvea, but gentlemen either stand about the
room and talk to each other, or Bit down after a wait of
some minutes.

When a lady is acquainted with many of the guests
present, she should not make her way at once to shake
hands with all, but should make an opportunity to do so in
an unohtrosiTO manner ; it would be sufficient to recognize
them by a nod or a smile in the meantime. A lady shuulil
bow to any gentleman she knows, and he should cross the
room to shake hands with her at once if disengaged.

At a small dinner-party, where the guests are cnac-
qoainted, the hostess should introduce the persons of highest
rank to each other ; but at a large dinner-party, she would
not do EO, unless she has some especial reason for making
the introduction.

" In the country, introductions at dinner-pai'ties are far
oftener made than in town.

Precedency is strictly observed at all dinner-parties. (See
chapter on Precedency.)

Sesdihq GuEaTS ik to Dinmee. — The host shoold take
the lady of highest rank present in to dinner, and the gentle-
man of highest rank should take the hostess. This rule is
absolute, unless the iady or gcnileman of highest rank ia
related to the host or hostess, in which case his or her rank
would be in abeyance, out of courtesy to the other guests.

r

loo Manners and Rules of Good Society.

A hnsband and wife, or a fatlier and daughter, or a
mother and Bon, should not be sent in to dinner together.

nd hostess ahould, if possible, invite an equal
number of ladies and gentlemen. It is nsnal to invite iwo
or more gentlemen than there are ladies, in order that the
married ladies should not be obliged to go in to dinner vrith
each other's husbands only. Thus, Mrs. A. and Mr. D.,
Mr. B. and Mrs. A., Mrs. A. should be taken in to dinner by
Mr. C, and Mr. A. should take Mrs. G., and so on.

When ladies are in a majority at a dinner-party to the
extent of two or three, the ladies of highest rank should be
taken in to dinner by the gentlemen present, and the re-
maining ladies should follow by themselves ; bnt such un
arrangement is unusual and undesirable, though some-
times unavoidable when the dinner-party is an impromptu
one, for instance, and the notice given baa been but a short
one.

If there should be one genlleman short of the nmnber
required, the hostess frequently goes in to dinner by herself,
following in the wake of the last couple.

The usual mode of sending guests in to dinner, is for the
host or hostess to inform each gentleman shortly after his
arrival, which of the ladies ho is to take in to dinner.

No " choice " is given to any gentleman as to which of
the ladies he would prefer taking in to dinner, it being
simply a question of precedency.

Should any difficulty arise as to the order in which the
guests should follow the host to the dining-room, the hostess,
knowing the precedency due to each of her guests, should
indicate to each gentleman when it is his turn to descend to
the dining-room. He should then offer his arm to the lady
whom the host had previously desired him to take in to
dinner.

Dinner is announced by the butler or man-servant.

When the guests have arrived, or when the host desires

dinner to be Berved, he ehonld ring or iuform the senant;
accordin

On dinner being announced, the hoet ehould give his a
to the laily of highest rank present, and, with lier, load the
way to the dining-room, followed by the lady second in
rank, with a gentleman second in rank and so on. The
gentleman of highest rank pi'esciit should follow la,st with
the hostess.

When the second couple are about to leave the drawing-
room, the hostess frequently requests each gentleman in turn to
follow with a lady according to the precedency due to eacli.
Thus, "Mr. A., will jou take Mrs, B. ?" Thisako answei's
the purpose of an introduction, should the couple be unac-
quainted with each other, and the hostess has not found an
opportnnity of introducing them to each other on their
arrival.

'Whou a case of precedency occnrs, in which either the
lady or gentleman must waive their right of precedence,
that of the gentleman gives way to that of the lady. (See
chapter on " Precedency.")

A gentleman should offer his right arm to a lady ou
leaving the drawing-roora.

Ladies and gentlemen should not proceed to the dining-
room in silence, but should at once enter into conversation
witJi each other. (See the ivork entitled " Society Small
Talk.")

On entering the dining-room the lady whom the host has
taken in to dinner should seat herself at his right hand.
On the Continent this custom is reversed, and it is etiquette
for the lady to sit at the left hand of the gentleman by
whom she is taken in to dinner.

The hoBt should remain standing in hia place at the
bottom of the table, until the guests have taken their seats,
and should motion the various couples as they enter the
dining-room to the places he wishes them to occaij^ 'li^ *■'-'*'

I

102 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

tnlile. Tliis is tlie most usual method of placing the guests
at the dinner-table.

The host and hostess Ehculd arrange beforehand the
places tliey irish their guests to occupy at the dinner-table.

If a host did not indicate to the guests the various places
he wished them to occupy, the result would probably bo
that husbands and wives would be seated side by side, or
uncongenial people would sit together. The lady second in
rank should sit at the host's left hand.

The custom of putting a card with the name of the guest
on the table in the place allotted to each individual guest is
frequently followed at large dinner-parties, and in somo
instances the name of each guest is printed on a menu and
placed in front of each cover.

When the table is a long one, the host and the lady
taken in to dinner by him, should occupy seats at the bottom
of the table, when the party is a large one, and the number
of gueats renders such an arrangement of seats necessary ;
otherwise, the host should sit in the centre at the end of the
table, and place the lady whom he has taken down nest to
him at the right-hand side of the table ; the same rule
precisely applies to the seat occupied by the hostess at the
top of the (able, She should sit in the centre at the top of
Ihe tabic, the gentleman by whom she has been taken in to
dinner being at the left-hand side of the table, otherwise he
should sit at her left-hand at the top of the fable.

It is solely a matter oE inclination whether a lady or
gentleman, who have gone in to dinner together, converse
with each other only, or with their right and left-hand
neighbours also, but they usually find some topic of con-
rersation in common, otherwise a dinner-party would prove
but a succession of li-le-d-tlte.

The Mekus are placed the Icnglh of the table, on an
\ge one to two nersona or occasionally one to each

Dinner Giving and Dining Out.

person, and the menu cards are elaborate or simple, accord-
ing to individnal tasto, and are purchased printed for the
purpoEe, having a apace for the names of the dishes to be
filled in, which ia usually done by the mistress of the house,
nnless the establishment is on a large scale, it being usual
to write them out in French.

Fanciful menu holders are much in use.

The use of menu would be pretentions at a small dinner-
party when there is but little choice of dishes ; but when
there is a choice of dishes a menu is indispensable.

The usual asd fashionable mode of seevisg DiSNEit
ia called Diner d la Emse, although at small or friendly
dinners the host sometimes prefers to carve the joint himself
in the first course, and the birds in the second course. But
dinner- tables, whether for dining d la Riisse, or for dining
en famille, arc invariably arranged in the same stylo, the
difference being merely the estent of the display made as
regards flowers, plate and glass, which are the accessories of
the dining-table.

"When the host helps the soup, a small ladleful for each
person is the proper cjuantity, a soup plate should not be
filled with sou p.

■Whoa the party is a small one, and the joint or birds are
carved by the host, the helps should be handed to the guests
in the order in which they are seated, although occasionaJly
the ladies arc helped before the gentlemen.

The rule at ail diuner-parties is for the servant to com-
mence serving by handing the dishes to the lady seated
at the host's right hand, then to the lady seated at the host's
left hand, and from thence the length of the table to each
guest in the order seated, in'espective of sex.

Double entrees should be provided at large dinner-parties,
and the servants should commence handing the dishes at
both aides of the table simultaneonsly.

J

104 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

Biljxr a la Ruase, is the Russiau fashion introduced into
society many jears ago. Tlie whole of the dinner is served
from a side-table, no dishes whatever being placed on the
table save dishes of fntit.

DiKNEH-TABLE Decokations. — As regards the most
correct style of dinner-table deeorations they offer great
diversity of arrangement.

High centre pieces, and low centre pieces. Low spcdmen
glasses placed the length of the table and trails of creepers
and flowers laid on the table-cloth itself are some of the
prevailing features of the day, bnt tabic decorations arc
essentially a matter of taste ratber than of etiquette, and
the extent of these decorations depends very much npon the
size of the plate cheat, and the length of the purse of the
dinner giver.

The fruit for dessert is usually arranged down the centre
of the table, amidst the flowers and plate. Some dinner-
tables are also adorned with a vanety of French conceits
fceaifles fruit and flowers ; other dinner-tables are decorated
with flowers and plate only, the dessert not being placed on
the table at all ; bat this latter mode can only lo adopted
by tbose who can mate a lavish display of flowers and plate
in the place of fi'Qit,

For the purposes of lighting, lamps or silver candelabra
with wax candles are used, according to the wealth of the
dinner giver. Both lamps and candles are usually shaded
with coloured shades, as they produce a pretty effect, and
prevent the gncsts being incommoded by too close a
proximity to the glare occasioned by some dozens of candles
or by brilliant lamps, therefore shades are considered indis-
pensable.

Electric light and electric lamps are now greatly the
fashion, and offer many advantages.

The term " cover " signifies the place laid at table for each

Dinner Giving and Dining Out.

105

I

person, and for such orraDgements E«e chapter "TVaitiuji
at Dinner" in the ivork entitled "The Management o£
Servants."

When liqnenra are given they are handed after the ices.

Sherry is always drunk after Boup, hock cither with
oysters before the Bonp or with the fiah after the soup, and
Chablia sometimes takes the place of hock. Champagne is
drnnk immediately after the first enfree has been serred,
and so during the remainder of dinner nntil dessert.
Claret, sherry, port, and Madeira are the wines drunk at
dessert, and not champagne, as it is esBentially a dinner
wine.

DiNNEE-TABLB ETIQUETTE. — Soup should be eaten with
a table-spoon and not with a dessert-spoon, it would be out
of place to use a dessert-spoon for that purpose. Dessert-
spoons, as their name implicB, are intended for other
purposes, snch aa for eating fruit tai'ts, custard-puddings,
&c., or any sweet that is not sufficiently substantial to be
eaten witJi a fork j but whtneTer a fork ean be used it is
best to use it.

Fish should be eaten with a silver fish-knife and fork.

All made dishes, such as qiietielles, rissoles, patties, &e.,
Bhonld be eaten with a fork only, and not with a knife and
fork.

I'or Bwcetbrenda and cutlets, &c., a knife and fork are
requisite ; and, as a matter of course, for poiiitiy, gnme, &c.

In eating asparagua, a knife and fork should be used, and
tl.c points should be ait off and eaten with a fork as is
eea-kale, &e.

Salad should be eaten with a knife and fork, it is served
on salad plates, which are placed beside the dinner- plates.

Cucumber is eaten off the dinner-plate, and not olf a
separate plate.

Peas should be cuton with a fork.

io6 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

T

^^H In eating game or poultry, the bone of eithec wing or

^^1 leg should not be touched with the fingers, bat the meat cat
^^K close off the bone ; and if a wing it is best to seyer the
^^H wing at the joint, bj which means the meat is cnt off far
^^P more easily.

^^1 PuBtry shonld be eaten with a fork, but in the case of a

^^M fruit tart, a dessert-spoon ehonld bo used as well as a fork,

^H but only for the purpose of conveying the fruit and juice to

the mouth ; and in tlie case of stone fruit — cherries, damsons,

plums, &c. — either the dessert-spoon or fork should be raised

to the lipa to receive the stones, which should be placed at

■ the side of the plat« ; but when the fruit stones are of larger
size, they should be separated from the fruit with the fork
and spoon, and left on the plate, and not put into the mouth;
and whenever it is possible to separate the stones from the
fruit it is best to do so.

Jellies, bhinc-maages, iced puddings, Ac, should be eaten
with a fork, as should be ail sweets sulficiently substantial to
admit of it.

When eating cheese, small mo 1 of the cheese should
he placed with the knife on n 11 m r=( 1 of bread, and the
two conveyed to the month w th th thun b and finger, the
piece of bread being tho m 1 to 1 Id as cheese should
not be taken up in tho fiug and 1 uld not he eateo off
the point of the knife.*

The finger-glass should be removed from the ice-plate and
placed on the left-hand side of the dessert -plate. When
ices are not giveu, the d'Ojley should be removed with the
finger-glass and placed beneath it.

TVheu eating grapes, the half-closed hand should he
placed to the mouth, and the stones and skins allowed to
fall into the Sngera, and placed on the side of the plate.

I

Some persons bend tlie head so as to allow of the stonea a
ekina of the grapes falling on the side of the plate ; but this
latter way is old fashioned, and seldom done. Cherries and
other small stone-fruit should be eaten in t!ie way grapes
are eaten, also gooseberries.

When strawberries and raspberries, &c., are not eaten with
cream, they should be eaten from Ihe stalks ; when eaten
with cream, a dessert-spoon should be used to remove them
from the stalks. When sen'ed in the American fashion
ivithont stalks, both fork and spoon should be used.

Pears and apples should be peeled and cnt into halves
and quarters with a fniit-knife and fork, as should peaclies,
nectarines, and apricots.

Melons should hi eaten with a spoon and fork.

Pines with knife and fork.

Tlie dessert ia handed to the guests in the order in whieli
the dinnei' has been served.*

When the guests have been helped to wine, and the
servants have left the dining-room, the host should pass
the decanters to his guests, commencing with the geatlcmar.
nearest to him.

It ia not the fashion for gentlemen to drink wine with
each other either at dinner or dessert, and the guest fills hia
glass or not, according to inclination.

Ladies are not supposed to require a second glass of
wine at dessert, and passing the decanters is princL])ally for
Ihe gentlemen. If a lady should require a second glass of
wine at dessert, the gentleman seated next to her would fill
her glass ; she should not help herself to wine. After tho
been passed once around tlie table, or about ten
minittea after the servants have left the dining-room, the
hostess should give the signal for the ladies to leave the

io8 ^Tanners and Rides of Good Scciety.

dining-room, by bowing to the liidy of liiglicst rank ])re-
sent, seated at the host's right hand. She should then
rise from her Eecit, as should nil the ladies on seeing her
do so.

The gentlemen Bhonld rise also, and remain standing by
tlieir chairs until the ladies have quitted the room, which
they should do ia tha order in which they have entered
it, the lady of highest rank leading the way, the hoatesB
following last.

The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should open
it for the ladies to pass out, and close it after them.

When the ladies have left the dining-room, the gentlemen
should close up as near to the host as possible, so as to
render conversation general.

The wine usually drunk by gentlemen after dinner, is
claret of a fine quality, and not dinner claret.

The ladies on leaving the dining-room return to the
drawing-room. Coffee should be almost immediately
brought to the drawing-room. The coffee-cups containing
coffee should be brought on a silver salver, with tlic crcara-
jug and the basin of crystallized sugai'.

In large country houses coffee is sometimes brought in a
silver coffee-pot, and the lady would then pour out her own
coHee, the servant holding the salver the meanwhile.

Coffee should be taken a few minutes later to the dining-
room, and either handed to the gentlemen, or placed on the
table, that they inny help themselves (sec the work pre-

Iviously referred to),
A very general plan is, after the wine has gone round
once or twice, for the host to oifur cigarettes, which are
smoked before the gentlemen join the ladies in the drawing-
room.
After cofTee, the gentleman of highest rank should leave
the dining-room first. The host would not propose an
KfJ/oHrDment to the drawing-room, until he observed a wish

I

to do BO, on the part of his gneets, bub there is no hard and
fast mlo on this head.

It is not now the fashion for gentlemen to sit over their
wine beyond fifteen or twenty minntes at the utniost, instead
of as formerly, from three-qnarters of an honr to an hour, a
change much appreciated by hostesses.

On the Continent the gentlemen accompany the ladies to
the drawing-room, and do not remain in the dining-room as
in England.

The gentleman of highest rank present coald suggest an
adjournment to the drawing-room within a quarter of an
hour if he thought proper to do so If the other guests
were engaged in a discussion in which he did not wish to
take part, having suggested the adjournment, he could
leave the dining-room to join the ladies in the drawing-
room ; but as a rule, the gentlemen leave the dining-room
together, the host following last,

The host should ring the dining-room bell before leaving
the room, as an intimation that " tea " should be brought
to the drawing-room as soon as the gentlemen have joined
the ladies.

At ceremonious dinner-parties in town neither music nor
cards are introduced during the usual half hour passed in
the drawing-room before the hour for departure.

At country-house dinner-par ties music or round games
of cards are in request.

Depae'cure after Dinnek. — There is no rule as to the
order in which the guests should taka their leave. Half-
past ten is the uaual hour for general departure ; and the
bntler announces the several carri^es as they arrive to the
guests in the drawbg-room. But if any lady wished to
inquire if her carriage had arrived, she should ask the
I hostess's permission to do so ; and the bell would be rung
I for the purpose of making the inquiry. The same remark

I

no Manners and Rides of Good Society.

applies to oidering a cat), tlie lady shoald ask the boEtesB if
one migLt be ordered for her.

The hoatees stoiild shake hands with all her gnests on
their departure, rising from her seat to do so.

Each guest on departure should shake hands ivith both
host and hostess.

If, on leaTiog the room, acquaintances should pass each
other, they should wish each other good-night, but tliey
should not make the tour of the rooms for the purpose of so
doiog..

The host should conduct one or two of the principal of
his lady gnests to their carriages.

The ladies should put on their cloaks in the cloak-room,
the host waiting in the hnll meanwhile.

A gentleman related to the host or hostess, or a friend of
the family, could offer to conduct a lady to her carriage if
the host were otherwise engaged,

GaATUiTiES should never be offered by the guests at a
dinuer-party to the serTants in attendance. Gentlemen
should not offer fees to the men-servants, neither should
ladies to the lady's-maid in attendance.

The guests should call on the hostess within a week or
ten days after a dinner-party. If " not at home," a married
lady should leave one of her own cards and two of her
husband's, a widow should leave one of her own cards, a
bachelor or a widower should leave two cards.

The rule as to cnlling after dinner-parties is greatly
relaxed between intimate friends, and the call often omitted
altogether; and this more particularly as regards gentlemen
whose occupations during the day are considered good and
sufficient reasons for not calling.

CouNTEY DiNNER-rAnTiES. — III the country, new
■scQuaintances, if neighbours, should be asked to dinner

■ Giving and Dining Onl. ill

iritliin a month of the first call if possible, and tiie return
invitation shoitld be given within the following month.

"When guests are assembled at a country Uouao, they are
sent in to dinner, on the first Gvening, according to their
indiviJual precedence ; but on subsequent evenings the
gentlemen frequently draw lots to decide which lady they
shall have the pleasure of taking in to dinner, otherwise a
lady and gentleman would go into dinner together five or
sis consecutive times, according to the length of the visit,
but this is more a practice vrith people who march with the
times, than with what are termed " old-fashioued people."

When a party is varied by additional dinner-guests each
evening, drawing lots gives ivay to precedency, it being too
familiar a practice to be adopted at a large dinner-partj.

Sayikq GliACE, both before and after dinner, is a matter
of feeling rather than of etiquette. It used to be very much
the castom to say "grace," but of late years it is oftener
omitted than not, especially at large dinner-parties in
town.

In the country, when a clergyman is present, he should
he asked to say grace. When grace is said by the host, it
is said in a low voice, and in a very few words ; the gnestB
inclioing their heads the while.

It was no rapid revolutionary change in manners that
brought about the difForenee that now exists between the
Elizabethan and Victorian eras ; no polished Mentor can;e
forward to teach that it was not the nicest and cleanest
thing to do, to put knives into the salt, to dip fingers into
plates, or to spread butter with the thumb ; on the contrary,
these things righted themselves little by little, step by step,
imtil the present coda of manners was arrived at. But it
is quite possible that a himdred years hence it will be dis-
covered that the manners of 1886 offered wide scope for
improvement.

^

1 1 2 Majtncrs and Rules of Good Society.

In the meautime these rules of etiquette observed in
Eociety are adhered to and followed by those who do not
wish to appear singular, eccentric, old-fashioned, uncon-
ventional, or any other adjective that the temper of their
judges may induce them to apply to them for committing
BoleciBms, either small or great.

Married ladieB, as a rule, dine out with their husbands,
and do not accept invitations to large dinners when their
hufibauds are unable to accompany them. Tliere are, of
course, exceptions to this rale, aud circumstances sometimes
arise whea it is greatly relaxed ; bat even in this case it
woald be in favour of small and frieudly dinners rather
than large ones.

During any temporary absence of her husband, a lady
would accept invitations to dine with her relatives and
intimate friends, though she might refuse invitations to
large dinners given by acquaintances ; but as amle, when it
is well known that the head of a house is away for any
length of time, invitations are Eeldom sent to the wife by
givers of large diunera.

When young ladies arc invited to dinner they accompany
their father, mother or brother ; hut occasionally, when a
young ladies' party is given by a friend of their parent's,
the youngladies are invited alone, and they should either go
with their maid in a cab or by themselves in their father's
caijioge.

CHAPTER XIV.

DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE.

Fashion has its freaks and its vagaries, and in relation
to inanimate objects these freaks and vagaries are but
transitory and evanescent, but when they touch upon
manners and modes they become a conventionality and a
custom perhaps for many a year. Changes and innovations,
slight as they are, are more subtle than sudden, and, para-
doxical as it may seem, they are as important as they are
insignificant ; still it is difficult to believe that fingers once
did duty for forks, and that it was not customary for a host
to supply his guests with forks, who, if fastidious enough
to require them, were expected to bring them in their
pockets.

There are here and there people in society who affect a
few eccentricities of manner, but these whims at all times
take the form of originalities and not of vulgarities ; and
even then are only indulged in by those whose position in
society is secure.

As regards dinner-table etiquette. When a lady has
taken her seat at the dinner-table, she should at once
remove her gloves ; although occasionally long elbow gloves
are not removed during dinner, but this is conspicuous and
inconvenient. She should unfold her serviette and place it
on her lap. It is immaterial whether she places the bread
on the right or left-hand side of the cover, when taking it
from the serviette.

A gentleman eliould do the same with his serriette and
bread, placing the one across hia knees, and the other at
his right or left hand.

"When a lady is some little time taking off her gloves, she
shonld remove her serviette before doing eo ; otherwise a
servant would offer her soup before she had made room for
the soup-plate by removing the serviette, and she should
decide quickly as to which of the two soups handed to her
she will take, so as not to keep the servant waiting; and so
on through every conrfc throughout the dinner as regards
fish, meat, etc.

The guests should consult the menu on first sitting
down to dinner. Eating soup comes first under notice.
In olden days it was customary to drink it out of a basin.
In these days no one " drinks " soup, it is " eaten ; "
whether it be mock turtle or the clearest julienne, it is
eaten out of a soup-plate at dinner, and with a table-spoon.

There ia a reason for this choice of spoons ; soup is
nothing if it is not hot, and as it ia the cnstom to give but
a very small help of soup— ahont lialf a ladleful to each
person — it is cateu quicker, and therefore hotter, ivitli s.
large spoon than with a small one-
There is also a good and sufficient reason for small lielps
of soup being given in lien of large ones, viz., the extent of
the menu ; and when a plateful of soup is handed to a guest
accustomed to the regulation help, he fcni's that he ia
expected to dine off it, and that there is nothing much to
follow.

Again, small helps require a smaller quantity of soup to
be provided, and a sen-ant is less likely to spill plates con
taining small helps of soup than plates containing large
helps.

At ball suppers, when soap is served in soup-phites, it is
also eaten with a table-spoon, but not when served in small
cups.

y years ago it was fasliionable to eat fish with a fork
and a crust of bread, previonB to tliis a table-knife and fork
were considered the proper thinj^a to use for this purpose.
It was then discovered that a steel knifa gave an impalatahlo
flavour to the fish, and a crust of bread was substituted for
the knife. Tliis fashion lasted a considerable time, in
spite of the fingers being thus brought unpleasantly near
to the plate, and to this day old-fasbioned people have a
predilection for that crust of breat). One evening a well-
known diner-out discarded his ciiist of bread, and ate his
fish with two silver forks ; this notion found such general
favour that society dropped the humble crust and took up
a second fork. This fashion had its little day, but at
length the two forks were found heavy for the purpose aud
not altogether satisfactory, and were superseded by the
dainty and convenient little silver fish-knife and fork which
are now in general use.

Small helps of fish shonld always be given, and two
difierent sorts of fish should not be placed on the same
plate.

When oysters are given they precede the soup, and
ehoTild be eaten with a dinner-fork, not with a fish-fork.
In eating oysters the shell should be steadied on the plate
with the fingers of the left hand, the oysters should not he
cut, but should be eaten whole ; very many ladies do not cat
oysters at dinner simply because they do not like thorn,
while others refuse them under the impression that it is
more ladylike not to eat them. Perhaps with regard to
young ladies it is a taste to be acquired. Some men are
very, if not over, fastidious, about the appetites displayed
by ladies, and would have them reject the enlrees and dine
upon a slice of chicken and a spoonful of jelly. Others, on
the contrary, respect a good appetite as giving proof of
good health and good digestion. There is of course a
medium in all things, and as large dinners are ordered

I

116 Manners and Rules of Good Society,

mainly iritli a view to pleaEe tlie palates of men with
epicurean tastes, it is not expected that ladies should eat of
the most highly seasoned and richest of the diahes given,
but should rather select the plainest on the menu. This
remaik more particularly applies to young ladies and yonng
married ladies, whilst middle-aged and elderly ladies arc at
liberty to do pretty much as they please, ivithout provoking
comment or even observation.

"With reference to entrees some are eaten with atnife and
fork, others with a fork only. All entrees that offer any
resialance to a fork require the aid of both knife and fork,
snch as cat!ets,yi/ei de bavf, sweetbreads, etc., but when
rissoles, patties, queneUes, boneleSB curry, vol-au-vents,
timbales, etc., are eaten, the fork only should be used.

In the case of the lighter mirks the contact of the
knife is supposed to militate against their delicate flavour :
thus, for these homies hmiches the fork is all- sufficient where-
with to divide and cat tliem.

The leg of a chicken, pheasant, duck, or wild duck,
should never be given to a guest as a help save ou those
occasions when there arc more guests present than tliere
are helps from breasts and wings to offer them. Under
these circumstances the carver is reduced to the necessity
of falling back upon the legs of the birds, but in this case
only the upper part of the thigh should be given, Uius a
guest has little difficulty in cutting the meat from the
bone. A wing of a bird is a usual help given to a lady.
Formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing
at the joint and then to cut the meat from tlio bone ; but
this requires a certain amount of strength in the wrist, and
dexterity, should the bird not be in its premiere jeunesse.

As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails,
larks, etc, a whole bird is given to each help, and the
proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the
breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of

cutting it ! tlie bird should not be turned OFor and over oa
the plate, or cut in half or otherwise disBected, The legs
of Bordeaux pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a
bird only is given, as there is sufficient on the wing
and breast to satisfy an ordinary second course appetite.
When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, bucIi as snipe or
golden plorer, the meat should be cut off as from the breast
or wing.

Young ladies, as a rule, do not eat any second course
delicacy of this description ; a help of chicken or pheasant
on the contrary is nsunlly accepted by them.

When large potatoes are served in their skins a salad-
plate should be handed at the same time whereon to place
them.

When asparagus first comes into season it is often given
in the second course instead of in the first, in which case it
is eaten as a separate dish. When handed with meat or
poultry it should be eaten on the same plate containing
either.

In eating asparagus, some elderly gentlemen still adhere
to the fashion of their youth and hold the stalks in their
fingers, hut the younger generation cut off the points with
a knife and fork,

Seakale also is given in the second course when first in
season, and should be eaten with a knife and fork.

Mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork.

It need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to
eat peas with a knife, although those who reside abroad, or
who are in the habit of travelling on the continent, are not
unaccustomed to seeing thiB done by foreigners who are
well-bred men.

Artichokes are, it may he said, an awkward and untidy

;etable to eat ; they are only given in the second coarse
as a sepai'tite vegetable ; the outside leaves should be
I remOTcd wilh the knife and fork, and the inner leo.ya't

which BuiTonnd the heart, or head of the artichoke should
be conveyed to the mouth witli the fingers and sucked dry ;
epicures consider tliis vegetable a dainty moreel, but at
dinner-parties young ladies should not attempt to eat these
artichokes.

Savouries, ^'ain, are not usually eaten by young ladies.
They are principally intended for gentlemen.

Aa regards B«*eets, compitea of fruit, and fruit tarts,
fihould be eaten with a dessert-spoon and fork, as should
those dishes where juice or syrup prevails to the extent of
rendering a dessert-spoon necessary. Bnt whenever it is
possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is always
Letter to do so.

Jellies, creams, blanc manges, ice puddings, etc., should
be eaten with a fork.

As a matter of course yonng ladies do not eat cheese at
dinner-parties.

I

I

t

EVENIKQ PARTIES,

EvEsiKG PAETiES are styled Eeceptioas or At Homes
according to the number of gneats invited. In offida] and
political cirelca they iire invariably Btyled '■ Receptions,"
but when given on a smaller scale in general Eociety they
are styled "At Homes,"

iHViTATiosa to evening parties BJioald be issued ou " At
Home " cards.

The name of the person invited should be written at the
top of the card at the righthand corner. The words " At
Home " being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing
the invitation. The day and date beneath the words " At
Home." The hour beneath the date. The address should
be printed at the right-hand corner at the bottom of the
card.

When music is to be giren it sUonld be mentioned on the
At Home card thus, " Music."

The hour varies from 10 to 1 1 o'clock ; in private circles

10 or 10.30 is the usual hour; in official circles 10,30 or

11 o'clock.
Wben a foreign Royal personage is expected, or a foreigner

of distinction, or a personage possessing public interest, the

words "To meet Her Serene Highness Princess D.," or "To

meet Count de C." should be written at the top of tho

invitation cards.

When a Reception or " At Home " follows a dinner-^arlj

120 Manners and Rules of Good Soczcly.

given by the hostess, it is not usual to provide any special
amusement for the guests. But when an "At Ilonie" does
not follow a dinner-party, it is usual to provide some sort of
amusement for the guests, such as professional vocal and
instrumental music.

The guests are expected to arrive from lm!f an hour to an
hour and a half of the hour mentioned on the invitation
card, although it is optional when the guests arrive after
the hour mentioned on the card.

Eeceivisg the Gdest3.— The hostess should receive her
guests at the head of the staircase, where she usually
remains until the principal of her guests have arrived ;
while the host welcomes the guests in the drawing-room
itself.

Receptions or "At Homes" usually terminate shortly
before one o'clock, save on Saturdays, when the Lour of
departure is 12 o'clock precisely.

Making iNTRODticriONa. — A hostess should use her owe
discretion as regards making introductions.

"When a Royal personage is present the most distin-
guished of the gaests siiould be presented by the liost or
hostess. When a celebrity is present introductions should
also be made ; and as regards general introductions they
should be made whenever the hostess judged it expedient
to do so, and the principal guests when unacquainted
should be introduced to each othei- when the opportunity

QoiHQ DJ TO SuprEti.— The host should take the lady of
highest rank in to supper.

When a Royal Princess is present the host should take
her in to sujiper.

■\\Tien a Royal Prince is present he should take the
hostess in to supper. (See chapter on " Precedency.")

Evening Parties.

i It is optional whether the hostess folIoiTa with tlie gentle-
man of highest rank present, uuless a foreign Prince were
present, when she should foUovy the host, and in the case
of a Royal Prince being present she slionld precede the
host.

When a Rojal Prince or Princess or a Serene Highness is
present a table shonld he set apart lor the hoet and LosEess
and Royal Party, and any among the guests whom tlic
fioyal visitors may desire should join them at supper.

When the supper-room ia not snfFiciently lai'go to ac-
commodate the whole of the guests at the same time, the
most distinguished guests should go in first.

When the hoet ie informed that supper is served he
should tell the principal gentlemen present ivhich of the
ladies he wishes them to take into supper, and should
himself lead the way with the lady of highest rank present.

I The hostess should also assist in sending the principal
guests in to supper, and when the general company observe
the move towards the supper-room, they should follow in
the same direction.
When tie general company are apparently not aware that
the supper-room is open, the hostess should ask the various
gentlemen to take the ladies in to supper, and should her-
self lead the way with one of the gentlemen.
When the general company find the supper-room crowded
they should return to the drawing-room for a quarter of
an hour or so ; but the hostess should arrange for some
instjumental or vocal performance to commence when
Bupper is first served, so as to occupy the attention of the
guests who remain in the drawing-rooms.
The guests frequently do not return to the drawing-room
after supper, but go to the cloak-room for their cloaks and
wraps, and thence to tlieir carriages.
It is not usual to take leave of the host and hostess at
EeceptioQS.

122 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

Royal Guests present. — When a Royal personage is
present the host should conduct her to her carriage.

When a foreign Priace is present the host should accom-
pany him to the hall-door.

The host should also conduct the lady of highest rank
present to her carriage if aware of her departure.

Tea and light Refreshments should be served during
the evening in the library, or in an adjacent apartment.

Supper should be served at twelve o'clock in the dining-
room, and should be similar in character to a ball supper.
(See chapter "Ball Suppers" in the work entitled **The
Management of SeiTants.")

Cards should be left within a week or ten days after
a Reception.

A married lady should leave one of her own and two of
her husband's cards.

A widow should leave one of her own cards.

A bachelor or widower should leave two of his cards.
(See chapter on " Card-Leaving.")

CHAPTER XVI.

WEDDINGS AND WEDDING BREAKFASTS.

The Bill which has become law, for extending the hours
during which marriages may be solemnised — between the
hours of eight o'clock in the morning and three o'clock in the
afternoon — will considerably influence the hour at which
the majority of weddings will take place. Afternoon wed-
dings had become very popular, but only the few were in a
position to obtain special licences for the purpose.

Marriage by "Banns" is now greatly in favour in
general society. The banns must be published three con-
secutive weeks previous to the marriage in the parish in
which the bridegroom resides, and also in that in which the
bride resides, and both should reside fifteen days in their
respective parishes previous to the banns being published.

Marriages by Licence. — When a marriage is solemnised
by licence the cost, with fees and stamps, amounts to
£2 28, 6d. This should be obtained at the Faculty Office,
or at the Vicar-Greneral's Office, Doctors' Commons, and is
available at any church in the parish where one of the parties
has resided for fifteen days previous to the application being
made for the licence, either in town or country.

When the licence is obtained in the country through a
clerical surrogate the cost varies, according to the diocese,
from £2 12s. 6d. to £3 3s.

k

124 Manners ana Rules of Good Society.

Special Licesces can only be obtained from the Arcli-
diehop of Canterbury, after application at the Faculty Oflioe,
and an especial reason must be giien for the application,
and one that will meet with the Archbishop's approval.

The fees for a special marriage licence average ;£29 8s.

The Fees to the offlciating clergyman vary considerably,
according to the position and means of the bridegroom, from
£5 to £25, as the inclination and purse of the bridegroom
may dictate. £5 is the lowest fee offered to a clergyman by
persons of position.

The fee to the clerk is subject to the same variations,
commencing at £1, as are the smaller fees.

All wedding tees are defrayed by the bridegroom j
including cost of licence.

The Etiquette ocsiutVED at "WEDDiHGa is invariably
the same whether the wedding takes place in the morning
or in the afternoon, or whether it is a grand wedding or a
comparatively small one, whether the guests number twy
hundred or T,hether they number twenty.

The Ihvitations should be issued within a fortnight of
the wedding-day, .

The wedding breakfast or wedding tea should be given
by the parents of the bride or by her nearest relative, and
the invitations should be issued in the names of both
parents.

It is more usual and less trouble to send out printed
invitations than written ones, except in the case of a very
small number of guests being invited. The printed notes
are bought already printed for the purpose, and the form is

as follows ; — " Mr. and Sirs. request the honour of

Mr. and Mrs. 'b company at church on , at

, to be present at the marriage of their daughter and

3Ir. , and afterwards at breakfast {or afternoon tea)."

WEDniiTO Presents. — Everyone who is invited to a
wedding invariably mokes the Ijridc a present ; it is the
receired rnle to do so. Many sand presents before the in-
vitations are sent out— aa soon as the engagement ia made
known, if it is not to be a long one.

There is no rule as to the time before the wedding-day
when the present shonld be sent ; but invitations are usually
Bent to those who have given prcsenta, even though they
live at a considerable distance, and may not be able to
attend the wedding.

Wedding presents are displayed on tables of various sizes,
Bceording to their number, and if very numerous and valu-
able, it is not imusual to exhibit them at an afternoon tea,
given for the ptirpoee on the day previous to the wedding.
Each present should bear the name of the giver attached
to it on a small paper label, and the silver plate should ba
placed on a table covered with dark cloth or velvet. It
is customary to surround the presents with flowers,
notably roses, and this is often done by persons of ai-tistic
tastes.

The BRiDEGitooii should provide the wedding-ring and
the bridal bonqnet

The bouquets for tlie bridesmaids are the gift of the
bridegroom, and should he sent to them on the morning of
the ivedding. He is also expected to make a present to
eacli bridesmaid — eithor a broocJi, a loclict, a bracelet, or a
feu, which shoald either be sent the day before the wedding
or on the morning of the wedding-day.

The bridegroom should provide the carriage to convey
I himself and his bride from the church to the house where
[ tho wedding breakfast is to take place, and again irom the
se to the railway-station, or, if the jonniey is made by
I toad, to the place of honeymoon ; but frequently tho bride's
\ &ther places his own carriage at the disposal of the bride

126 Maimers and Rules of Good Society.

and bridegroom for this pnrpoBe, especially in the country.
The bridal carriage is the only one, according to etiquette,
which the bridegroom is expected to provide.

The invited guests should provide their own carriages,
and neither the bridegroom nor the bride's father are ever
expected to do so. This should be thoroughly understood
by the guests in every case.

Many ci-Awant cnstome are now obsolete, araongat others,
the castom of having groomsmen to support the bridegroom,
the "best man" being all sufficient for the purpose.

At Royal weddings this rule is reversed, and the Eoyal
bridegi'oom is supported by from four to six groomsmen.

The Best Man mast be a bachelor — a married man
cannot act m this capacity. He should either accompany
the bridegroom to the church or meet him there. He
should stand at his right hand during the ceremony— a
little in the rear — and should render him the trifling service
of handing him his hat at the close of it.

He should sign the register afterwards in the vestry, and
should pay the fees to the clergyman, clerk, etc., on behalf
of the bridegroom.

The bridegroom and beat man should arrive at the church
shortly before the bride, and await her coming, standing at
the right-hand side of tlie altar.

The Bride should be driven to the church in her father's
carriage. If she has a sister, or sistera, and they officiate as
bridesmaids, they, with lier mother, should precede her to
the church. The carriage should then return to fetch the
bride and her father ; but when she has no sisters, her
father generally precedes her to the church, and receives her
at the church door, her mother accompanying her in the

litile time before the
bride, and form a line on either side of the chui-ch porch, or

WeMings and Wedding Breakfasts. 127

' vitbin the church doorway. The mother of the bride and
the mothers of the bridesmaids usQally stand beside them.

"When the bride arrives she should take her father's right
arm, or the right arm of her eldest brother or nearest male
relative, who is deputed to give her away, who ehould meet
her at the church door in the place of her father, and con-
duct her to the chancel or altar.

The BniDESJUiDB follow the bride and her father up the
aisle of the church, walking "two and two" when the num-
ber of bridesmaids is even, four, six, eight, or twelve ; but
when the number is odd, as five, seven, or nine, and three
of them happen to be children, which is generally the case,
the elder bridesmaids should walk " two and two," followed
by the three children abreast.

The head bridesmaid is generally the bride's oldest mv-
married sister or the bridegroom's sister, and she should
follow next to the bride with her companion bridesmaid.

The Bride's Mother shonld follow next to the brides-
maids ; she conld take her son's arm, or the arm of some near
, relative, in following them up the aisle of the church. But
ladies and gentlemen seldom walk up the aisle of a church
Bt a wedding arm-in-arm, unless a lady requires the assist-
ance of a gentleman in making her way quickly through the
throng to her carriage at the conclusion of the ceremony, in
which case it is quite correct to do so.

The Mothers of the Eridesjeaids should walk next to
the bride's mother up the church, and take up their position as
near to the bride and bridegroom as they conveniently can.
1'hb BfiiDE'B niMEDiATB iiET.ATivES and the near re-
latives of the bridegroom should place themselves near the
altar or communion rails, or at the entrance of the chancel,
I according to the chnrch in which the service is celebrated ;
a in some churches the service takes place at the entraaca

I

I

128 Manners and Rtilcs of Good Society.

of the chance!, and the bridal parly enter the chancel and
stand at the altar to receive the address, and the concluding
portion of the service only is there celebrated. The relatives
should an'ive shortly before the bride.

The Bkidegroom'seblatives should place themselves at
the left of the altar or commnnion rails, thus being on the
bridegroom's right hand, or seat themselves in pews at the
light-hand side of the bridegroom, and the relatives of the
bride should place themselves on the right-hand side of the
altar or communion rails, thus being on the bride's left hand,
or seat themselves in pews at tlie bride's left hand.

The Bride should stand at the bridegroom's left hand,
the bride's father, or nearest male relative, should stand at
her left hand ; lier mother and married sisters, etc., should
group themselves in juxtaposition to him.

The bridesmaids should stand immediately behind the
b:ide in the order in which they pass up the church.

The bride should take off her gloves at tlie commence-
ment of the service and shonld give them with her bouquet
to the head bridesmaid to hold.

The invited guests shonld either stand in the aisle of the
church or sit in the pewa or chairs — either is optional.

"Wedding guests usually take their Prayer-books with
them to the church and follow the service thercfi'om.

The bridegroom generally wears a flower in his button-
hole, as be does not wear a wedding favour.

The other gentlemen may, as a matter of course, wear
button-hole bouquets, if they please.

■When the Serviob is concluded, tlie bride should
take the bridegroom's left arm, and, preceded by the
officiating clergj-man, and followed by her head brides-
maids, father, mother, and the most distinguished of the
quests, should cuter the vestry, where the rcgisler should

be Bigaed by the bride and bridegroom, two or three of the
nearest relatiTes, and by two or three of the most intimate of
the fHeads, and principal of the gaests, incladiag the best
mail and the head bridesmaid. The bride's father Bbonld
1 it, but it is optional whether tlic bride's mother doea
BO or not.

When the register has been signed, and those in the
Testry have shaken hands with the bride and offered their
congratiilatioua, the bride should take tlie bridegroom's left
arm and pass down the centre aialo of the church followed by
her bridesmaids, in the same order as they have previously
passed up the aisle. The most nsual way is for the bride
and bridegroom to pause a moment as they pass, and shake
hands with any of theirmoat intimate friends or relations who
happen to be near them, if they have not already seen them
"a the vestry ; and the bridegroom should nod to his friends
B he meets their recognitions. Occasionally a bride and
bridegroom make a very hasty exit from the churoh, noticing
:, and it is a matter of feeling whether tliey do so or
not i but the more leisurely mode of proceeding is certainly
,he more courteous one.

"When the bride and bridegroom have driven off from the
church, tlie bride's mother should be the next to follow,

I that she may be at liome to receive the guests as they
arrive. There is no precedence as to the order in whith the
remainder of the company leave the chui'ch; it entirely
deijends on the cleveracss of their Bervants in getting up
their carriiiges.
dial
Tea
M
nUi

I
I

The Wedding Favours should be in the meantime
distributed by the bridesmaids to the guests, both in the
vestry and at the door of the church. Favours worn by
ladies should be made of a sprig of orange-blossom and
eilver leaves and white satin ribbon. Favours worn by
gentlemen should be made of silver oak leaves and aconia.

1 30 3fan7iers and Rules of Good Society.

I the left side, by both

Wedding favours should be
Jadiea and gentlemen.

A Bride who is a Widow should not wear white, nor
a bridal veil, nor a wreath of orange-blossomB, nor orange-
blos30in on her dress.

She would not be attended by bridesmaids, and wedding
favours should not be worn by the guests.

On AttRiviNG AT THE HousE wlierc the wedding break-
fast or wedding tea is to be held, the gentlemen should
leave their hats in the hall. The ladies ahonld not remove
their bonnets or hats at a wedding breakfast or tea, neltber
should the bridesmaids do so.

Gentlemen should take off their gloves at wedding break-
fiiEta, but it is optional whether ladies do so or not.

At wedding teas it is optional with both ladles and
gentlemen whether they take off their gloves or not.

The guests who have not already had an opportunity of
speaking to the bride and bridegroom, on being ushered into
the drawing-room, where the company assembles, should at
once offer their congratulations, and shake hands with
them, having first gone through that ceremony with the
host and hostess, if they have not already done so.

PreviouB to breakfast being announced the bride's father
or mother should tell the principal of tlio gentlemen present
whom to take down to breakfast. If a gentleman is uu-
acquainted with a lady whom he is to tidie down, the host
or hostess would introduce him to her in this wise :

"Mrs. , Mr. will have the pleasure of taking

you down to breakfast." This kind of introduetion does
not constitute a subsequent acquaintance, unless the lady
desires it.

The breakfast abould be served iu the dining-room,
library, or large marquee, as the case may be.

I

Weddings and Wedding Breakfasts. 131

The bride's mother and the bridegroom's mother should
take precedence of all other ladies present oa the occasion
of a wedding breakfast.

The Guests eh olid go i:jto Bueakfast in the
POLLOwiNQ oaDEa :— The bride and bridegroom. The
bride's father with the bridegroom's mother. The bride-
groom's father with the bride's mother. The best man with
the bead bridesmaid. The remaining bridesmaids with the
gentlemen who are to take them into breakfast.

The rest of the company should follow in the wake of the
bridesmaids. The bride should take the bridegroom's left
arm.

Sitting-down breakfasts and standing-np breakfasts are
equally fashionable. When & standing-up breakfast is
given, small tables are arranged for the conyenience of the
bridal party on one side of the room, while a long table
occupies the centre of the room.

When a sitting-down breakfast is given the bride and
bridegroom should sit either at the head of a long table or
at the centre of it — the bride at the bridegroom's left
hand.

The bride's father should sit next the bride with the
bridegroom's mother. When the bride and bridegroom sit
at the centre of the table the bridesmaids should sit opposite
to tliem with the gentlemen who have taken them in to
broakfiiat ; each sitting at a gentleman's right hand.

When the bride and bridegroom occupy the head of the
table, the bridesmaids, with the gentlemen who have taken
them into breakfast, should place themselves next the
parents on either side of the table, dividing their number
iuto two groups.

Wlien the bride's father is dead, her eldest brother or
nearest male relative should take his place and should take
the bridegi^oora's mother in to breakfast.

A Wedding Breakfast mi"]!! prypcily le termed a
luncheon, champi^iie and other wmea take the [ 1 ice of tei
ond colfee which beverage'* aie not Eeived until ti>\i'irds
the end of the bic ikfaat

The llEhu generally comprises sonp, entices botli 1 t
and cold chiLkens, e;arae majonaises salads piSe (7 fue
grm, jellies cream=, etc etc , and other dislies of a hi l
character

The sweets ehould be placed on the table, the fiuit also.

The entrees, etc., should be handed by the servants, the
sweets should also be taken off the table by the men-servants
and handed round in turn.

At a standing-np breakfast the gentlemen should help
tlie ladies and themselveR, to the various dishes on the
table, as dishes are not handed at this description of break-
fast, and hot entrees are not given.

Soup may or may not he given.

The tables should be decorated with flowers at either a
Btanding-up or a sitting-down breakfast. Decanters of
sherry should be placed on the table at a standing-up
breakfast.

At a Btanding-up breakfast the gentlemen should ask the
servants in attendance for champagne for the ladies they
have taken down, and for themselves. But at a sitting-down
breakfast the servants offer champagne to the guests in the
same order in wliich they hand the dishes.

When the sweets have been handed the bride should cut
the wedding-cake placed in front of her. This she does by
merely making the first incision with a knife, it should then
be removed to a side table by the butler and cut into
small slices, and handed to the guests who are one and all
expected to eat a small portion of it.

The Health of the Bride axd Bridegroom should
then be proiwsed by the most distinguished goest present,

I

Weddings and Wedding Breakfasts, 133

forwliich the bridegroom should return thanks. He Bhonld
then propose the health of the bridesmaids, for which the
best man should return thankB.

Occasionally the gontlemnn of highest rank present also
proposes this health in place of the bridegroom.

The health of the bride's father and mother sliould be
proposed by the bridegroom's father.

It is now the citstom to confine projwsing healths at
wedding hrcakfastB within the narrowest limits. The health
of the bride and bridegroom, and that of the bridesmaids
being, in general, the only healths proposed.

At standing-up breakfasts and at wedding teas, the health
of the bride and bridegroom only is proposed.

TiiB Bribe should Leave the Dixixg-boom imme-
diately after the healths have been drunk, to change her
dress for departure.

The head bridesmaid usnally accompanies her, if related
to Uer, and the guests should adjourn to the drawing-room
to await the bride's reappearance, which should not be long
delayed, and the adieus should then be made. Leave-
takings ahonid not be prolonged more than is absolutely
necessary.

The parents should follow the bride and bridegroom into
the hall and adiens to them should Ihi^re he made.

The Old-fashiosed Custom of throwing satin slippers
after the bride is sometimes observed, foolish as it is. It is
the best man's or the head bridesmaid's pri\'ilogo to perform
this ridiculous act,

■\Vliea nee is thrown after a bride it should be scattered
by the married and not by the nnmarried ladies present ;
but since the publication of a fonner work in which these
practices were discouraged they have been- greatly dis
continued.

i

134. manners and Rales of Good Society.

STREWiKa THE Bride's Path WITH FL0WER3 rrom the
oliurch to the carriage by village children is a ciistom much
followed at weddings which take place in the country.

The Honeymoon now seldom lasts longer than a week
or ten days. Many brides prefer spending their honey-
moon in their fntnre home, if it happens to bo in the
country, instead of making a hurried trip to Paris or else-
where, or to spending it at the country house of a friend,
lent to them for the purpose. But it is entirely a matter of
individual feeling which course is taken.

Tub Bride's Teoosseau should be marked with the
ioitials of the name she is to take.

The Bridegroom should Provide the house-linen and
all other things appertaining to the bride's new home.

The WEDDraa Pbesests should be despatched to tlic
bride's residence immediately after the wedding, and they
should at once be put into their several places, and not
arranged for the purpose of being shown to visitors.

The Bridal Wreath should not bo worn after the
wedding-day. The bridal wreath, the bridal bonqnet, and
the orange blossoms from the wedding-cake, if treasured as
mementos of the happy event, should be presciTcd in tl e
recesses of a locked drawer in the bride's eliamber, and not
exhibited under glass shades in the drawing-room.

Precedence should not be accorded to a bride during
the first three months' after marriage, although tliis old-
fashioned custom is sometimes followed at country dinner-
parties on the occasion of a bride's first visit.

It is Optional whether a Widow removes her first
iredding-ring or not, although it is more usual to do so.

Weddings and Wedding Breakfasts. 135

The Custom op Sending Wedding Cake to friends is
an exploded one, and only followed between near relations.

Wedding Cards are, strictly speaking, out of date, and
only sent by people who adhere to old-fashioned customs.

The words " No Cards " should not be inserted when
the announcement of a marriage is sent to the newspapers ;
neither should the intimation be added that the bride and
bridegroom will be ** At home" on certain days.

i

CHAPTER XVII.

WEDDIsa TEAS,

As AFTEBKOOX WEDDIK9 HBually takes plac« betivcen 2
and 3,30 o'clock, and the " At home " that follows is given
from 8 to 6, according to the return fram church.

The words "At home" and the hour should be on the
invitation card, also the name of the church and the hour
fixed for the marriage.

The arrangements in the tea-room and the refreshments
given should be similar to tboae provided at large after-
noon " At homes," with t!ie addition of wedding-cake and
champagne.

Ceremony is, as far as possible, dispensed with as regards
sending the guests into the tea-room, and this is a great
advantage gained over a wedding breakfast of any kind,
either a sitting-down or a standing-up one, when people are
doubtful as to the exact place belonging to each individual
relative.

At a wedding tea the bride and bridegroom should bo the
iirst to cuter the tea-room, followed by the bridesmaids, and
by a few of the principal gncats; the remainder of the
company should make their way downstaira as spate permits,
for a wedding tea is a crowded alTaii', even in Iho largest of
mansionfl. Not only is every one invited who has given a
wedding present to cittier bride or bridegroom, within

Tisitiog distanco, but BTen others who we not intimate
cnoQgh to be expected to do so.

The guests should not make their way in tlie first
instance to the tea-room as at ordinary " At boincs," For
one thing, the honr of their arrival is earlier, and
the bride and bridegroom should be the first to enter
the toa-room. Flowers, as a matter of course, are a
great feature at wedding teas. The tea and coffee should
be served by the maid-servants, generally by the lady's
maids, but men-Ber¥anta should also be in attendance to
open the champagne aa required. Very little wine is dmuk
at this hour of the day. Ladies seldom care for it, and
gentlemen avoid it on principle. Still, out of compliment
to tliB bride, tlie relatives quaff a cup of sparkling wine,
although her health is seldom proposed or speeches of any
kind made. The bride should put the knife into the
wedding-cake, and the butler should cut it np and hand it
to the guests.

Seats ahonld not be placed in the tea-i'oom, and the tables
should occupy the top or side, or both the top and side, of
the room, according to the number of guests invited, so as
to leave as much space as possible in the centre of the

The bride and bridegroom are not always pi'csent at a
wedding tea, aa the departure for the proposed place of
honeymoon does not in every case admit of it, and the
mother holds the " At home," and the guests inspect the
presents after the newly- married couple have left. To
bridegrooms, as a rule, this escape from congratulations
and assembled friends, is a further recommendation iu
favour of afternoon weddings.

An " At home " is sometimes given a few days previous
to the vredJing for the inspection of the presents, if they
are very numerous and beautiful ; but even when this is
done they still form a centre of interest on the aller-

I

138 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

noon of the wedding to the many guests. When jewellery
and plate to any great extent form a portion of the presents,
it is sometimes thought necessary to have a policeman on
duty while the house is open to so many comers, and when
to eflPect an enti*ance under the pretext of business would
be an easy matter.

I

I

CHAPTER XVIII.

AFTERSOOS " AT HOIIEH,"

Afternoos "At hcimeh" arc a great feature amongBt the
entertaiDmenta of the day, large afternoon jmrtieB, and
small afternoon parties ; parties so liirge tiiat the number
of guests equals those at a big crush or evening I'cception,
and so small that they might fiiirly come under the denomi-
nation of afternoon teas.

At afternoon " At homes," ladies are present in a consider-
able majority, there being usually fi'ora about tea gentlemen,
to thirty ladies on an average present at these gatherings.
Ladies have a decided partiality for this clnss of entertain-
ment, as it offers an opportunity for meeting their friends
and acquaintances, or for making new acquaintances, and
for forming future plans and interchanging civilities ; and
even in the height of the London season, afternoon " At
homes " are fully attended by the members of the fashionable
TTorld.

There are various classes of afternoon "At homes."
The large "At home" of from fifty to two liundrcd
guests, when usually professional vocal and instm-
menta! talent is engaged, and fairly good music given,
altliough the entertainment is not of sufficient importance
to be tenned a concert, and the " At home " of from fifty to
a hundred guests when only amateur talent is in requisition,
and the small "At home" of from ten to thirty

^

140 Manners (Otd Rules of Good Society.

when conversation mnally takes the place of mosic, tlio
party being composed of friends rather than of acquaiiiL-

IsviTATiosa TO "At homes " should be issued in the
name of the hostess only, and not in the united names of
the master and mistress of the house.

Invitations to " At homes " should be issued on " At
home " cards. The name of the person invited should be
ivritten at the top of the card at the right-hand corner, the
ivords " At home " being printed beneath the name of the
lady issuing the invitation, and the day and date beneath
the words " At home," and the hour beneath the date. The
word "music" — if especially good music is to be given —
should be added at the bottom of the card at the left-hand
corner. The address shoidd be printed at the right-hand
corner at the bottom of the card.

The letters R. S. V. P. are occasionally either ivritten or
printed on the " At home " card, at the lefi-hand comer of
the bottom of the card, but it is not usual to write
" R. S. V. P." in the comer of an afternoon " At home "
cnrJ, as it is immaterial how many guests are present at
this class of entertainment ; but if an answer is so re-
quested, an answer should be sent. E. S. V. P. signifies
" reponse, s'il vous platl," or " an answer is requested."

It is cnstomary to include the head of the family, either
hushand or father, in the invitation. Thus, at the top of
the card, at the right-hand corner should be written " Mr.
and Mrs. A.," or "Mr. and Miss A." The daughters of the
house should be included ia the invitation sent to their
mother. Thus " BIr. and Mrs. A.," " The Misses A.," but
the sons of the house should be invited separately.

"When a family consists of a mother and daughters, (he
invitation should bo "Mrs. and the Misses A."

The title of " Honourable " should not be put on an

'fiernoon .

rioines.

141

I

ioTitation cai'J, but only on the envelope containing the
card.

All other titles are recognised on invitation cards ; hat
the letters K.C.B., M.P., etc., should not be written on the
cai-ds, but only on the envelopes in which they arc enclosed.

If a lady is aware that she will he unable to be present,
it would be poUte to send her excuses, allhough strict
etiquette does not demand it ; both the invitation and the
answer can in nil caaea be sent by post.

It is not now considered necessary to leave cards after
afternoon " At homes."

Invitations to large afternoon " At homes " should be
issued a fortnight previona to the day, and to small " At
homes " within a week or so of the day.

The Aerival of Guests, — When invited guests arrive,
they should not inquire if the hostess is at ]iome, but at
once enter the house.

The gentlemen should leave their hats and overcoats in
the hall.

At large "At homes" a cloak-room should be provided,
BO that a lady c€uld remove a cloak or fnr-cape, usually
vrorn daring the winterweathcr ; but at small " At homes "
a cloak-room is not necessary, as the reception-rooms are
neither so crowded nor so warm, neither are the ladies'
toilettes so elaborate.

RuFREanMENTB, — At large "At homes," refreshments
Bhonld bo served in the dining-room, on a long buffet at one
end of the room, or on a long table the length of the
room.

The lady's-maida and other maid-servants should stand
behind the table to ponr out and hand the cups of tea or
coffee across the table as asked for.

It is nsnal to have women- servant a on these occasions to
pour out the tea, a man-servant or meu-servants being also

142 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

in atbendaiioe, in case anytliing is requii-ed of them, altliougli
gentlemen usually help themselves to claret-cup, wine, etc.

The usual reEi-eshments given at these " At homes " are
tea and coffee, served from large silver ums. (See chapter
" Preparing Afternoon Tea," in the work entitled " The
Management of Servants.") Sherry, champagne- cup, claret-
cup, ices, fruit, fancy biscuits and cakes, thin bread-and-
butter, potted game, sandwiches, etc.

Plates are used for ices, fruit, and oceasiondly for sand-
wiches, cake, bread-and-butter, in which latter case they
should be veiy small, and should match the tea-service.

At small " At homes " champagne, claret-cup, and ices
are not given, and the tea should be made in teapots
instead of in urns.

At small " At homes " the tea is nsually served in the
smaller of the two drawing-rooms, or in an adjoining boudoir
or ante-room. The tea is then poured ont by the young
ladies of the house, or by the hoateaa herself, but seldom by
maid- servants when served in the draffing-raom.

The most convenient manner, however, of serving tea is
to serve it in the dining-room, unless the number of company
is limited, when it would appear unsociable if the gncsts
were to congregate in the dining-room, leaving the hostess
comparatively alone in the drawing-room.

When tea is served in the dining-room, the guests are
nsually asked by the servant in attendance if they will hai'e
tea before being ushered into the drawing-room.

At small teas, the cups of tea should be handed to the
ladies by the gentlemen present, or by the young lady
officiating at the tea-table, and gentlemen gcncraOy stond
about the room, or near the tea-table, at small "At homes."

Receivikq Guests. — The servant should precede the
guests to the drawing-room as in " morning calls."

At large "At homes" the hostess should receive her

I

Ajternoon At Homes. 143

guests at tbe drawing-room door, and shake hands with
each on arrival. Ths drawing-room door should remain
open, and she should stand within the doorway.

At Email teas, the di-awing-room door should not remain
open, and the hostess should receive her guesta within the
room, as at " morning calls,"

The guests should arrive fiom a quarter-past fonr imtil
half-past five or six o'cloek. The guests are not expected to
remain the whole three hours specified, and are at liberty to
remain as Jong or as short a time as they please. The
earliest arrivals are generally the first to leave.

When the hostess judges it expedient to do so, she intro-
duces one or two of the ladies to each other, either in a
formal manner (see chapter on " Introductions "), or in a
semi-formal manner, by saying, " Mrs. A., I don't think you
know Mrs. B, ; " but she should not say this unless quite
certain that Mrs, E. desires the acquaintance of Mi-s. i, or
that ilre. A. has no objection to knowing Mrs. B,*

It is rather the exception than the rule to make general
introductions on these occasions. Introductions should
only be made when the hostess is aware that the persons
introduced would be likely to appreciate each other, or for
any reason of equal weight.

The guests should go to the tea-room either with the
hostess or with any gentleman of their acquaintance present,
or in the ease of ladies with each other.

This move to the tea-room is usually made in the intervals
between music, recitations, etc.

Occasionally, the hostess introduces one or two of the
gentlemen present to the ladies of highest rank for the
purpose of sending them into the tearroora.

A lady should place her empty cup on any table near at

144 Manners and R7iles of Good Society.

hand, unleas a geEtlemau offers to put it down for her. It
is optioniil whether a lady removes her gloves or not, and
many prefer not to do so.

At large "At homes," the hostess should not remain
seated on one particular seat during the afternoon, bat
should move about amongst her guests, conversing with
theiQ all more or less. When there are daughters, they
should assist their mother in entertaining them.

When ladies are acquainted, they should take an oppor-
tunity of speaking to each other. It is usual for ladies to
move about the rooms at afternoon " At homos " to speak
to their various friends and acquaintances ; and they are
by no means obliged to remain seated in one spot, unless

When music is given at afternoon " At homes," it is usual
to listen to the performance, or at least to appear to do so ;
and if conversation is carried on, it should be in a low tone,
so as not to disturb or annoy the performers.

It is not necossaiy to take leave of the hostess at after-
noon " At homes," unless she is standing near the drawing-
room door wlien the gnest is pasauig out, or unless she ia a
new acquaintance, and the visit a fii'st one at her house,
when it would be jwlite to do so.

When it is late, and bat a few gucKts still remain, these
few should make their adieus to the hostess.

At these afternoon teas or " At homes," the hostess should
not ring to oi-der the door to be opened for the departing
guest, or for her carriage to be called, as at " morninj; calls."
The guests make their way to the hall, and the servants in
attendance call up the carriages as they are asked for.

Carriages should always be kept in waiting at afternoon
"At homes," as ladies are sometimes unable to remain
longer than a quarter of an hour.

The guests either remain in the hall or in the dining-
room until they hear their carringes announced.

Ghatdities should cever be offered to senanta at tbese
entertainmentH, or, ia fact, at any entertaioment wliaterer.

Afteukoon CoscBiiTs. — When afternoon concerts are
given, iavitations should be issued on tbe usual " At homo "
cards, which can be purchased with the words " At honie,"
&c,, alieai^y printed, or they are printed to order, with the
name and address of the hostess. The name of the person
invited should be written above the name of the hostess at
the right-hand corner of the card.

The date under the line " At home " should bo in the
centre of the cai-d beneatli the name of the hostess ; the
hour should be wnttcn at tlie left-hand corner, and the
letters K. S. V. P. The printed address should be at the
right-hand comer.

The word "Music" would be added at the bottom of the
card at the right-hand corner.

The hour usually fixed for a concert is 3,30.

The hostess should receive hergnestsatlho drawing-room
door, when they should at once seat themselves. The
seats should be arranged in rows down the centre of the
room, and sofas and settees should be placed aronnd the
room.

The programme of a concert is divided into two parts,
and at the conclusion of the first part the guests should
repair to the dining-room for refreshments, which are servcO
as at large "At homes,"

AiTEBXOON DAKCES-^Invitatlons to afternoon dauccs
should be issued on "at home"' cards in the manner already
described, merely substituting the word " dancing " for that
of " music," and the hour of "" -i to 7 " o'clock for that of
" 3.30 " o'clock. The words "Afternoon dance "should not
be wi'ittcn on an invitation card, and there is no other
received form of invitation for afternoon dances than the
one already given.

146 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

Afternoon dances are very popular at watering places,
military stations, small towns in the vicinity of London, <fec.,
but are seldom given in London itself.

Keireshments should be served during the whole of the
afternoon, from 4 to 7, as at large '* At homes."

The ladies should remove their jackets or wraps in the
cloak-room, but retain their hats or bonnets ; the hostess
should receive her guests at the head of the staircase, as at
an evening reception.

AT IIOHE DAYS.

An " At nosiE " day sigaifies that a, lady ia at home to her
friends and acquaiutances on one particular day in the
week. She elionld intimate this fact bj writing on all her
visiting-cards beneath her name " At iiome Thnrsdiiys" or
any day of the week she thinks proper to name. These
cards she should leave in person on those who are not at
home when she calls. Those she finds at home she shonld
inform that her " at home " day ia " Thursday." She should
not leave her visiting card in this case, only two of her
husband's cards, and the "at home" day should not ha
written upon them.

On the " at home " day, calls should be made from three
to sis, or from four to six. The first comers should leave
before tlie afternoon tei hour and should limit their call
according to the degree of intimacy existing, remaining from
a quarter of an hour to an hour, as the case may he.

A hostess or her daughter should pour ont the tea on
these " at home " days when tea is not served in the dining-
room as at "At homes," which should bo done when the
number of visitors is very considerable.

The popularity of a hoatess is tested on these " at home "
days by the number of visitors who call during the after-
noon, and when " at home " days are not a success,
socially speaking, she should discontinue them after a
certain time, and should snbstitnte an occasional " At liome."

148 Manners and Rules of Good Society,

It depends not a little as to the Bocial standing of the
lady who lias an " at home " day and cpon the locality in
which she lives, as to whether the "at home" day ia a
failure or the reverse. In the outlying districts of town it
has its advantages, when to make a call amounts to almost
a journey, and when acquaintances are few in the immediate
neighbonrhood. Again it has its advantagea when ladies
are much occupied during the week, and when their time
is given up to an engrossing occupation, charitable or artistic,
at home or away from home, literary or Bcientific, at studios,
mnscutns and public institutions, itc, work undertaken for
tlieir own amusement, profit, or advancement, or for the
benefit of others. To these ladies an " at home " day is a
convenience. One day in the week is all they can allow
themselves apart from their important engagements, and
to them quiet privacy and leisure are indispensable,
Fashionable ladies consider an " at home " day to be a
great tax upon their time and inclinations. Their engage-
ments are too numerons to admit of giving up one whole
afternoon in every week on the chance of people calling.
Not only long-standiug but impromptu engagements pre-
clude this sacrifice. It would be a breach of politeness
not to be at home to callers on an " at home " day, and
many things might occur to necessitate absence from home
on that particular afiernoon.

The people who thoroughly enjoy " at home " days aro
those who have more time on their hands than they know
what to do with. The few calls they have to make are soon
made, the few friends they have to see are soon seen,
occupation they liave none, and they are grateful for the
opportunily " at home" days offer of meeting their friends
aud finding a hostess at home.

1

CHAPTER XX.

Gaedes-pabties ai-e cntertainmeatB that are annually
given. If the weather is fine, the more enjoyable it is for
the guGsta ; if wet, a garden-party resolves itself into a
lai^e " At home." In almost every county a seriea of
gaiiien-parties is held by the principal ladies of their
respective neighbourhoods during August and September,
nothing but absence from home, illness, or some equally
good reason being considered sufficient excuse for the non-
fulfilment of this social duty.

The county at large expects tij be invited at least once
a year to roam about in the beautiful park of the lord
of the manor, to vow on the lake, to play lawn-tennis on
the lawn, to wander through the winding paths of the
ehady, leafy shrobbories, to admire the brilliant hncs of
the geraniums bedded out on parterre and terrace, or the
variegated asters, or the late Gloire-de- Dijon roses, which
at the end of August are in their fullest beauty. Then
there are the conservatories through which to sauntei-, and
from which to heat a retreat, if the son is too powerful, into
the mansion itself, the reception-rooms of which being
generally thrown open on the occasion of a garden-party.

A garden-party is an occasion for offering hospitality to
a wide range of guests, — people whom it would not be
convenient to entertain save at this description of g

150 Maimers and Rides of Good Society.

loyitations are on these occasions freely accorded to ladies,
from the energetic lady of eighty to the little lady of eight.
One great advantage offered by a gaiden-party is that it
is immaterial to what extent ladies are in the majority, and
it is a reproach to a coanty rather than to a hostess if the
muster of gaesLs is eighty ladies against twenty gentlemen.

Invitations to a Garden-pajity should be issued in
the name of the hoetees, and within three weeks to a week
of the date fixed. " At home " cards should be used for
this purpose, and the words " and party " should be
inrariably added after the names of the invited guests.

" Tennis " should be written in one comer of the card,
which should also bear the hour and date of a garden-
party, four to seven. "Weather permitting" is seldom
written upon the cai'd, and the gnests arc cspectcd to arrive
even though the afternoon should bo showery and overcast,
and only a thorough wet aftemoon, ivith no break between
the showers, should prevent their non-appearing. In the
country, ladies think little of a drive of ten miles to attend
a garden-party.

AaHANOEHEXTS FOR G A iiii EN- PARTIES. — Garden-parti BB
or tennis-parties are given on difTerent scales of e.^enditure,
and the preparations are regulated accordingly.

Wlieu a garden-party is given ou a small scale, and tho
preparations are comparatively few, refreshments shonld be
served in the house, (For tiie usual refreshments provided
at garden-parties, and for the general arrangements, see
work entitled " Party-giving on Every Scale," pablished by
Messrs, Warne.)

A good supply of garden-cliairs and seals should bo
placed on tiie lawn and about the gi'onnds, rugs spread on
the grass for those who sit out, and several sets of lawn-
tennis provided for players.

At liirgc garden-parties a band is considered a necessary

Garde7i-Parties.

edjunet, and the band of tbe county militia or that of tlio
regiment quartered in tlie vicinity is usually available for
occasione,

A band gives idal to an oufc-door gathering and confers
local importance upon it. Apart from this, the strains of a
band enliven an entertainment of this description in no
little degree. The place where the band is stationed is a
ral lying-point for the company, and the expense and trouble
consequent upon engaging a band are repaid by the amuse-
ment it affords.

Tlie matter of engaging a military band is generally
tmdortaken by tbe master of the house, rather than by the
mistress, as, in the first place, the consent of the colonel of
the regiment has to be obtained as a matter of form and
courtesy, before the arrangements are completed with the
bandmaster.

Conveyance for the band hag also to be provided and
discussed with tbe bandmaster, and also refreshments for
the bandsmen, and these details are more effectually carried
out by a host than by a hostess.

Occasionally a large marquee is erected in which to serve
refreshments, but more frequently the refreshments for the
general company are served in the house, and only cool
drinks dispensed in a tent to the cricketers or lawn-teunia
players.

CtticKET-MATOHBS are often the raison d'etre of a garden-
party, rendering it popular with both ladies and gentlemen.
The cricket-match in this case generally takes place in a
fiuld near to the grounds of tbe mansion, the match com-
mencing about twelve o'clock, and the general company
arriving about half-past three, cr punctually at four to witness
the finish.

Lawn-tennis matches are frequently the occasion of giving
garden-parties, and some very exciting play takes place.

152 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

When B. lawn-tenuie tournament is held it does not take
the form of a garden-party, aa it usually lasts three days ;
the arrangements made for holding it depend upon cir-
cumBtances, and it takes place, as do archery- matches, in
either private or puhlic gronndfi,

Ahusements. — Wlien a number of children are expected
Et ft garden-party, performances of marionettes, or puneh-
and-judy, or conjuring, are gi^en for their amusement.

In districts remote from town, these shows arc difficnlfc
to obtain ; therefore amateur showmen come bravely to the
rescue, and their kindly eiforte to divert the juveniles
meet with due appreciation on all sides.

INot seldom a little amateur musio is given at a garden-
party— not a pre-arranged programme of music, but im-
promptu performances. These good-natured effotts to
enliven the company occupy about an hour, and such
performances take place in either the drawing-room or
muEiG-rooni of the mansion.

Garden-parties seldom terminate with a dance, though
occasionally dancing closes the afternoon's amusements.

The active exercise entailed by lawn-tennis precludes
all desire on the part of the players for furthei- exertion in
the shai>e of dancing, and young people apparently prefer
jdaying lawn-tennis Irom four to seven on the lawn to
dancing in a marquee or in the drawing-room at that hour.

A host and hostess receive their guests at a garden-party
on the lawn ; strangers should bu introduced to the hostess
by those who have undertaken to bring them to her house,
aud she should shake hands with all comers. It is also
usual for guests to shake hands with the hostess on depar-
ture, if opportunity offers for so doing.

Garden-parties commence from 3.^0 to 4 o'clock, aud
terminate at 7 o'clock.

In making preparations for a garden-party, stabling for

Garden-Parties. 153

the carriage-horses of the numerous guests should be taken
into consideration, and refreshments provided for the men-
servants.

Public afternoon concerts, bazaars, and flower-shows, are
essentially places frequented by ladies m massey and it is the
exception, rather than the rule, for gentlemen to accompany
them ; again, at private afternoon gatherings, ladies usually
appear unaccompanied by gentlemen.

CHAPTER XXI.

LUNCHEONS.

Invitations to Luncheon are veij much the order of
the day in fashionable society. Those ivho loot baclc some
few years, reraarii the importaEce now accorded to this mid-
day meal, and contrast it with the past. The lateness of
the dinner-hour in a measure accounts for the position now
taken by luncheon in the day's programme, joined to the
fact that it offers another opportunity for social gatherings ;
and as the prevailing idea seems to be to crowd into one day
as much amasement and variety and change as possible, in-
^'itations to luncheon have become one of the features of

Invitations to Pdblio Luncheons are not n
to tlie celebration of local and civic events, but tafce a far
wider range, and are given on every available opportunity
■when the occasion can ho made to serve for assembling a
large party of ladies and gentlemen. Luncheon is by sonic
considered to be rather a lady's meal than not, although in
reality invitations are given aa frequently to the one sex as
to the other. Yet the predominance of ladies at luncheon
is due to llio fact that the majority of gentlemen are too
mucJi occupied at this hour lo be at liberty to accept invita-
tions to luncheon, while others, more idle, breakfast at so
late an Jionr that to them a two o'clock luncheon is a farce
08 far as eating ia concerned, Outsido of those who are

Luncheons, 155

busy men and those who nro idle men, and consequently
]ate risera, there is another SDmi-occupicd class of men who
are always amenable to an invitation to Inneheon.

This institution of luncheon is invaluable to people who
have many friends, acquaintances, and relations to entertain,
as invitationB to this meal are given for every day in the
week, with or without ceremony, with long notice or short
notice, or on the spur of the moment.

Ladies enjoy the society of their hostess at luncheon far
more than at a dinner-party. At the former meal she makes
general conversation with her gaests on both sides of the
table ; at the latter she is monopolised by her immediate
neighbours, by the gentleman who takes her doiMi to
dinner, and by tlie one who sits at her right hand, while
she leases her guests to be entertained by the gentlemen
who lake them in to dinner. At luncheon things are
difTerent! there is no going in to luncheon, conventionally
speaking, save on official and public occasions.

Luncheon occupies a prominent place in the round of
hospitalities. Invitations to luncheon are not formnlly
issued on invitation cards, unless some especial reason esista
for giving a large iunch eon-party, in ^ibich ease it takes rank
SB an entertainment.

Large loncheon-parties are given on occasions such as
lawn-tennis tournaments and !awn-tennis parties, archery-
parties, cricket -matches and bazaars, &c.

Semi-official luncheons oi'e given on the occasion of lay-
ing the f d f n ton f h 1 p hi' b 'Id'ng t
This cla f 1 1 1 d tb qn t n as t

rather a ban ]u t th a In 1 f h h p t d 1
of invitat n u d

In gen 1 tyntt tlnhnae ndb

written n t ar ! lly g n a d g to u- m

Etancee.

I

156 Manners and Ruies of Good Society.

Invitatioks to Lukoheok. — A week's notice is tJio
lungest usually given, very little notice being consideced
requisite.

Many hostesses give their friends cavie blanche invitations
to luncheon ; but ladies as a rule seldom avail themselves of
thisfufon depcirtei; as they consider it, and prefer to await
a more direct form of iavitation. Gentlemen, on tho con-
trary, are expected to avail tbemselveB of this proffered
hospitality without ceremony, as the presence of a gentle-
man visitor at luncheon is considered an acquisition, the
reason, perhaps, being', that ladies are nsually la the majo-
rity at lanchcon, and also that the unexpected arrival of one
or two ladies would call fur a greater amount of attention
on the part of a hostess seated at luncbeou than would the
unexpected arrival of gentlemen, ladies requiring especial
attention to be shown to them in the matter of a place at
table, &c„ whOe gentlemen ai'o ready to offer attention
instead of requiring it, and to take any place at table,
whether convenifeut or otherwise.

As a rule, the number of ladies present at luncheon greatly
exceeds tbennmberof gentlemen present, unlessat a lancbeon-
party, when a hostess usually endeavours to equalise the
numbers as far as possible ; but it is not imperative for
her to do this, and it is immaterial wbetlier there are as
many gentlemen as ladies present at luncheon or not.

Luncheon is a very useful iQstitutton to a mistress of a
house, as it enables her to show a considerable amount of
civility to iicr friendu and acquaintances.

She can invite to luncheon those it might not, for various
reasons, be convenient to invite to dinner; as for instance,
yuuDg ladies, single ladies, elderly ladies, ladies coming to
town, or into tbo neighbourbood for a few days only, and
Eo on.

The usual rule in honsea where there are children old
enough to do so, is for the children to dine at luncheon

with their goTerness, whether there are guests present or
lot,

Ix ToiV-f THE USUAL HOUR FOR LUKCHEON IS tlTO

o'clock ; in tlie coantry it is generally half an hour earlier.
The guests are expected to an-ive witliin ten roinutes of the
hour named when the invitation was given, as although
punctuality is not imperative, it is very desirable.

t, on his or her arrival at a house, should nof, if
previously invited, inquire if the mistress of the house is at
Lome, but should say, on the servant opening the door,
"Mrs. A. expects mo to luncheon."

AVhen the guests are self-invited, they should inquire if
the mistress of the house is at home.

Guests are conducted to the drawing-room before lunohoon.
The servant precedes them, as at morning calls.

When guests arrive after the hour named for luncheon,
they should bo at once ushered into the dining-room, and
their names announced.

When the guests are unacquainted with each other, the
hostess should make a sort of general introduction or intro-
ductions ; that ia to say, she should introduce one gentle-
man to two or three ladies, thus, " Mr. A., Mrs. B., Mrs. C,
and Miss D.," thus making but one introduction ia place of
three separate introductions, this being the less formal mode
of making nnimportant introductions.

It is not always possible for a host to be present at
Inncheon, owing to occupation and engagements, but cour-
tesy to his wife's guests demands his presence when practic-
able. He should either join them in the drawing-room or
in the dining-room, according to his convenience.

Guests are not sent in to luncheon as they are in to
dinner-
Ladies should neither remove their bonnets nor jackets
at Inncheon, although they should remove their fur cloaks

and wraps. These should either be left in the hall oa arrival
or taken off in the drawing-room or dining-room. Gloves
should be removed before commencing luncheon.

Gentlemen should either talte their hats with tliem into
the drawing-room, or leave them in the hall if the party ia
a large one.

Ten minutes is the nsnal time allowed between tho
arrival of the guests and serving luncheon, which is usnally
served at the hour named, the received rale being not to
wait for guests.

Going in to Luncheon. — Ou luncheon being annonneed,
the hostess should say to the lady of highest rank present,
" Shall we go in to luncheon ? " or some such phrase. (See
" Society Small Talk.") The lady should then move towards
tho door, accompanied by tlie host, if he is present, fol-
lowed by the other ladies, as far as possible, according to
their respective precedency. The hostess should follow next,
and ihe gentlemen after her, in their turn.

Guests should not go in to luncheon arm-in-arm as at a
dinner-party, but singly, each lady by herself, or when space
permits, side by side. Gentlemen do likewise, but on arriv-
ing in the dining-room, each gentleman should place himself
by the side of a lady, or between two ladies, at table.

The hostess should sit at the top of the table and the host
at the bottom, as at dinner, but it is immaterial where the
guests themselves sit, although as a rale the lady of highest
rank sits by the host, and tho gentleman of highest rank by
tho hosted.

A late arrival should, on being ushered into the dining-
room, moke his or her way to the top of the table to shake
hands with the hostess, making some polite excuse for their
late appearance.

A hostess should rise from her scat to welcome a lady,
but she should not do so to welcome a gentleman.

LiincheoE is either serTed d la Eusse or not, according to
inclination, both ways being in equally gnod taste, altliougli,
as a rule, the joint is served from the luffet or side-tab!e,
while the entries, game, or poultry are placed on the table
also.

Tor further information respecting the arrangement for
luncheon, see the work entitled " The Management of Ser-
yants."

Formerly it was the custom in some hoases for the ser-
Tants to Icare the dining-room as soon aa they had helped
the various guests to the joint or joints, and handed round
the vegetables and the wine, in which case the host and
hostess helped the gnosta to the entrees and sweets, or the
gentlemen present did so ; but now it is invariably the rule
for the servants to remain in the room during the whole of
luneheon, and to hand the dishes and wine, &c., to the
gaesta as at dinner-parties.

Luncheon usually lasts from half to three-quarters of an
hour, doling which time the hostess should endeavour to
render conversation general.

As at dinner, it is the duty of a hostess to give the signal
for leaving the room, which she does by attracting the
attention of the lady of highest rank present by means of a
smile and a bow, rising at the same time from her seat.

The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should open
it for the ladies to pass out.

The ladies sbonld leave the dining-room as far as possible
in the order in which they have entered it, the hostess
following l^t.

When the !iost is not present, the gentlemen should follow
the ladies to the drawing-room ; but when the host is pre-
sent, the gentlemen should remain in the dining-room with
the host a short time before joining the ladies in the draw-
ing-room.

It is optional on the part of the host whether he refnms

i6o Manners and Rules of Good Society.

or not with the gentlemen to the drawing-room, although,
if not particularly eng^ed, it is more conrteons to do so.

Coffee IB Boraetimea aervcd after luncheon in the drawiug-
room. It is handed on a salver immediately after luncheon ;
and it ib not unnsual to offer liquenrs after coffee.

The guests are not expected to remain longer than twenty
minntes after the adjournment to the drawing-room has
been made.

Ladies should put on their gloves on their retam to the
drawing-room after luncheon.

Ladies having can-iages should previously desire their
coachman to return for them from three to a quarter past
three o'clock, and the servant should inform each guest of
the arrival of her carriage.

When a lady requires a cab, she shonld ask the hostess's
permission to have one called for her.

The subject of leave-taking is fully described in chapter
on " Morning Calls."

CHAPTER XXII.

BREAKFASTS.

Breakfast Parties have in certain circles become a
feature, and invitations to breakfast are issued both by
card and by note.

In official circles breakfast parties are frequently given, the
morning hours up to one o'clock being the only disengaged
portion of the day, and thus the opportunity is taken for
offering and receiving hospitality, and of enjoying the
society of friends and acquaintances. The breakfast hour
varies fi'om ten to eleven, according to circumstances, and
the meal somewhat resembles a luncheon, fish, entrees^ game
and cold viands being given, with the addition of tea,
coffee, and liqueurs.

Punctuality on these occasions is almost imperative, as
breakfast cannot be prolonged beyond a given limit, and
therefore it is not considered necessaiy to wait the coming
of a late guest.

The guests go in to breakfast as to luncheon. When a
party consists of both ladies and gentlemen, the hostess
should lead the way, with the lady of highest rank, followed
by the other ladies, the gentlemen following with the host.

When a party consists of gentlemen only, the host should
lead the way with the gentleman of highest rank, and
should indicate to the principal of the gentlemen present
the places he wishes them to occupy at table, the remainder

M

I

Manners and Rules of Good Society.

of the company stoEld seat theniEelreB according to
inclination.

The table Bhould be laid as for luncheon, and decorated
with flowers and fruit. Tea and coffeo should be serred
from a Bide table by the servants in attendance.

All dishes should be handed as at luncheon.

For the details of " Break fast-table arrangements and
Berving Breakfast," see the work entitled " The Manage-
ment of Servauts," Chapter VII.

The guests usually leave aa soon as breakfast is over,
ladies are invited by the hostess to accompany
her to the drawing-room, or the gentlemen are invited by
the host to smoke a cigarette or cigar previous to their
departure.

House Paety Bueakfabts. — In the couotrj' the break-
fast hoar varies, from 3 to lO'SO, and in some countiy
houses it is an understood thing that the guests are at
liberty to come down to breakfast any time between nine
and half-past ten.

The breakfast gong is a signal for assembling in the
breakfast- room or dining-room, but it is not the custom to
ivait for any one beyond live or ten minutes.

The host and hostess at once take their places at the
breaJcfast-tablc.

When the house-party is a large one and space jierraits,
a number of small tables should be arranged in the break-
fast-room, ia addition to a long breakfast-table.

The servants should remain in attendance during break-
fast to wait npon the gncats.

There is no general move made from the break fast-table
as ill the case of luncheon or dinner, the hostess generally
remains until the whole of the guests have at least com-
meneed breakfast, save in the case of very late comers, for

Breakfasts. 1 6

J

whom she would not be expected to remain at the head of
the breakfast-table.

The guests leave the breakfast>table as soon as they have
finished breakfast, without waiting for any intimation from
the hostess to do so.

u^

CHAPTER XXIII.

PICNICS AND ■WATEE-PARTmS.

3L\NY tilings contribute to draw people into the conntij
and away from town in the month of September ; tlierofore,
there is a far larger nnmber in each and every neighbour-
hood inclined for a picuic or a water-party than in the
three prerious months, June, July, and Angust.

Picnic parties are sometimes invitation parties, and at
others contribution parties, or parties whith partake in a
e of the character of both.

Picnics by Road ajjd Piosics by Eail. — Almost every
county has its show place, or its ruins, its ruined abbey or
its castle, its romantic aecneiy, and its fine views, its hills or
its dales, its waterfalls or its glens. The sonthora and
western counties are as rich in these respecte as the eastern
counties are barren.

When a picnic party is to proceed to its destination by
rail, a saloon carriage is engaged beforehand, and arrange-
ment is made at the nearest hotel to supply the party with
luncheon at Irom 5s, to lOs. per head, according to the
style of luncheon required ; or hampers of provisions are
tiiken under the charge of one or two men-servants.

If the picnio party proceeds by road, a coach is the
favourite mode of conveyance, whelher driven by the owner
or hired for the occasion. This is a more sociable way of
going to a picnic than dividing the party into detachments
and conveying them in eeparatc caiTiagca. This is some-

times unavoidable, and if the party is assembled for a
Etart., it occnsioiis no little diecussion ae to how the party
Bhonld be divided and conveyed in the Tarioua carriages,
and it takes no little tact to aixange this in a eatisfactory
manner — to ovorrulc objections, and to make things work
smoothly. Again, the members of a picnic party occasionally
find their way to the place of rendezvous independently of
each "other; but, although this plan savea trouble, it does
not promote sociability, and parties of four or six are apt to
clique together during the day, insfead of making thera-
eelvea generally agreeable. The provision question is b,
very important one, and the heads of a picnic party should
aiTange in concert what each is to bring in the way of fish,
flesh, fowl, fruit, and wine.

Tlie services of one or two men-servants at a large picnic
party arc generally required to arrange the table, to open
the wine, and last, but not least, to collect and re-pack the
articles used in the way of plato, china, or gla^a.

A picnic luncheon in September is not always the alfresco
spread under the greenwood tree that it is in July, and
oftener than not is held in the best parlour of a rustic inn,
or, by permission, in a bam or shed, when the weather is not
favourable for camping out.

Usually when a large pieuio party is arranged and got
np by some three or four ladies and gentlemen, they divide
the expenses of the entertainment between themselves, and
deteraiine how many shall be invited, each having the
privilege of inviting a certain number; other picnics are got
up on a different systeni, each person contributing a share
towards the general expenses ; but these gatherings are cot
so sociable as are the invitation picnics.

Invitation picnics where everything is done enprinee are ex-
tremely enjoyable and friendly affairs; they are big luncheons,
given out-of-doora instead of indoors, at a distance instead
of at home. But even these are not more pleasant than

I

those well arranged 1 ttl [ gi ly (Ecera incountiy

quarter?, when th t 1 h ys some fjivoui-cd

few to some favou t p t

■Wateh-Partie — T! j w ya of orrnngiug

a water-party, at y Lt g t t d at al! riverside

places. At yacht t f t , a Bailing yacht

is hired to convey p ty f f m ht n to twenly-fivo
to some point of t t 1 t in which case

lancheon and tea p d d t 1 f 1 in the vicinity of
the place where tl ] rtj 1 1 d d d the expenses are
equally divided. Is t f q tly n tl e return jonrney,
the yacht is beeal d d d n t h its destination
nntil between tw d th fh f II morning. If it

happens to be a fi m 1 ght It th prolongation of a
water-party is tin additional sonrcc of enjoymeut ; but if
there is no moon aa well aa no wind, and the calm betokens
a Btorm, it is the reverse of pleasant. But these little cmi-
tretemps, when they do occur, rather lend a zest to the day's
pleasure, and are something to talk about alterwards.

Wnter-partics are often given by owners of yachts. These
are invitation parties, and luncheon, tea, and sometimes
dinner, are served on board, and the party laud and stroll
about, hufc rctom to the yacht to be entertained.

Picnic and water-parties in general include aa many
gentlemen as ladies, whether they arc invitation or contribu-
tion parties, although sometimes a majority of ladies is
Duavoidable. Eyde is a favourite station for water-parties,
as the island itself as well ns the opposite coast offer in-
numerable points of interest for picnicing, and many are
able to combine the pleasures of the yacht with those of the
steam launch in one and the same water-party ; thus a party
sails from Eyde to Yarmouth, I. of W., and tlien proceeds iu
a steam-lannch to Alum Bay. Steam-launch parties arc
immensely popular, both on the river and on the coast, and

Picnics and Water-Parties, 167

parties are given by the owners of steam-launches, or a
steam launch can be hired by the day. Some picnic on
board, and others on shore, as they feel disposed. When,
however, a steam launch is hired for the day, a good look-
out should be kept upon the engmeer, or he will insist on
landing at the most undesirable spots.

Canoe-parties on coast and river side are also popular
with both ladies and gentlemen, and here again the steam
launch is brought into requisition to convey the party
home, as an hour and a-half to two hours is an average time
to paddle a canoe ; after that time the party land either on
the rocks or on the shore, and light a fire and boil the
kettle for tea. If the tea-drinking and the after-tea ramble
are unduly prolonged there is a chance, if on the coast, of
the steam launch running out of coal, and of the party
having to return home in their own canoes considerably
later than was expected, and not a little fatigued.

CHAPTER XXIV.

JUVENILE PARTIEa.

JuvESiLE PAETIE9 form a prominent feature in the en-
tertainments given dnring the winter months. There is
Bcaruely a honsehold the children of ivhich are not indulged
T\itli one large party at least, while others are allowed as
many as two or three children's parties dnring the winter
monlhs. The-^c parties offer no little elasticity as to their
arrangement, varying from a child's tea parly, compoHed,
jjerhaps, of five or six children, to a juvenile ball, or fancy
dress ball. Some mothers object, on principle, to the latter
entertainments, on tbe ground that to give a large juvenile
ball provokes a coiTesponding numher of invitations, and
that a round of such gaieties is not good for young children,
either from a moral or from a hygienic point of view
Morally, that such amusements are likely to destroy or
impair the freshness of childhood, and to engender arti-
ficial ideas in their young minds in place of such as are
natural end healthy, and that the imitation of the mauuers
and bearing of their elders causes them to become minia-
ture men and women, and divests them of the attribnfoa
of artless and unaffected childhood.

The dresses worn liy children at these entertainments aie
of so elaborate a chaiiicter— and so much pride is exhibited
when wcaiing them — that a spirit of vanity and a love of
dress are aroused at a prematurely early age. From a
jihj-sica] point of vifw, late hours, heated rooms, rich

Juvenile Parties. 1 69

dainties, and constant excitement Iiiive a pernicioua cflcct
npon children.

There is, of course, an opposite view taken by those who
uphold juvenile balls ; they consider that children are
the better for associating with others of their own age
ontBJde of their own family circle, and that in the case of
only children Buch association is calculated to render thera
lively and intelligent. Another argument in favour of
these juvenile parties is, that children who are in the habit
of constantly attending them acquire self-possessed and
confident mannei-s, and that all shyness, mauvaise Itonln and
gauchirie, which distinguish many children when in the
company of strangers, are dispelled by frequent intercourse
with children of all ages. Thus, in place of the noisy
game of romps, the little gentlemen ask tho little ladies to
dance, pull costume bon-bons with their favonrite partners,
and offer them similar attentions thronghout the evening.
Of course there are shy little gentlemen and shy little ladies
even at a juvenile ball ; but it is the constant endeavour of
those who accompany them, whether mammas, elder sisters,
young aunts, or grown-np cousins, to pei'soade them to get
the better of this diffidence, and to induce taciturn Mastei.'
Tommy to dance with timid Miss Tiny. Sometimes Master
Tommy is obstinate as well as taciturn, and his " won't " is
as strong as his will. As with all things, so with children's
parties, the medium course is, pei'haps, the wisest to take,
running into neither extreme — avoiding too much seclusion
or over much gaiety, and rendering such gaiety and amnse-
ment suitable to the ages of the children invited. When
an evening's entertaiment consists of a series of amuse-
ments, it is a mistake to crowd too great a variety into the
space of four hours, the usual limits of a child's party,
otherwise the programme has to be hurriedly gone through,
and is hardly finished before the hour of departure, Ko
little judgment is refjuired when organising jnvenile parties.

The hours UBuallj selected for children's parties, ivhetlier
on a large or small scale, are from four to eiglit, five to
nine, six to ten, or from seven to eleven.

The children on their arrival nre received in the drawing-
room. In most cnses their relatives, either mothers or
grown-up sisters, are asked to accompany them.

There is great pnncfcuality observed as regards the hour
of arrival, and tea is usually served in the dining-room
about half-an-hour after that named on the invitation card.
The interim is generally passed by children in watching
each fresh arrival, and in greeting their little acquaint-
ances, comparing notes ivith each other as to the teas
and the parties they nre going to, or in amusing them-
selves with the toys belonging to the children of the house,
which are usually arranged on tables for this purpose ; and
mechanical toys, walking and talking birds, &c., musical
toys, picture books, and dolls, and the latest and newest
inventions in the way of playthings afford the little visitors
an opportunity of becoming at ease with each other.

Tea is generally dispensed at one end of a long table, and
coffee at the opposite end. The governess usually pours out
the tea, and one of the daughters of the bouse the coflee j
or failing her, the head nurse or lady's maid does so. DishcH
of pound, plum, and sponge cake are placed the length of
Ihe table, interspersed with plates of thin bread-and-butter,
biscuits, and preserves ; either the ladies of the family or
the servants in attendance hand them to the children.

When the relatives accompany the childi'en tea is usually
seiTed to them in another room, but frequently they do not
arrive until tea is over, and the nurses accompany the
children to the house.

Amdsements. — The arrangements for the evening's
amusement are regulated in a measure by the amount of
ftccoraraodation a house affords, premising that boisterous

games are not allo^vcd ia drawing-rooms, iinleea all valu-
able ornaments or things likely to be broken arc removed
from the rooms.

If conjiiriDg is ono of the amaaementa provided, it
generally takes place in the drawing-room immediately
after tea, and lasts about an hour. A dancing-clotii is pnt
down over the drawing-room carpet ; rout seats or cane
chairs are arranged in rows, Tlie youngest ehiidren arc
seated in the first row. Performing birds, performing dogs,
or performing monkeys, are also iavourite amusements
at these parties, and rank nest to conjuring in tJie estima-
tion of children. Punch and Judy or marionettes arc
popular drawing-room amnsementa, and either occupies the
space of an hour.

When a magic-lantcm, or panoramic views, is the enter-
tainment provided, it takes place in the dining-room or
libi'ary, or perhaps in the housekeeper's room, if large
enough for the purpose.

Dancing or games usually precede these amusements, and
lasts from half to three -quarters of an hour ; little girls
dance with each other polkas, valscs, and quadrillcH, as little
girls are, as a rnle, more partial to dancing than arc little
boys, although they one and all, great and small, join with
glee in a country dancCj or in the TempPte, oi' io " Sir
Roger de C ley

Not long tl an an ho is devoted to dancing, and tJiis
is usually f 11 ed 1 n «.

Impromptn 1 a ad s a favourite pastune with children j
but to avo d the ]q en je audience becoming weary and
impatient du n the p eparation of the charades it is ris
well they should be amused with some quiet game, such as
'■ forfeits," " cross questions and crooked auswers," " pro-
Tcrbs," &c. At Christmas and New Year's parties the
distribution of presents is a very important feature ;
Christmas trees are now vather discarded in fivour of

172 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

greater novelties. " Father Christmas," " Santa Claus,"
" The Fairy Godmother," " The Fairies' 'Well," or the
" Lucky Bag " and " The BIngic Log," are some of the
macy devices for the distribntion of presents ; these popular
characters are represented by grown-np pei-aons, and pro-
voke much wonder and admiration aiiinngst children. The
presents arc usually given at the close of tl e even ng.

Light Refreshsients are prov led n the d n ng-roora
— lemonade, wine and water, every descnpt on of cake,
sandwiches, crystallised fiTiits, Fre cl pi n •< fij,9 almonds
BTld raisins, oranges, itc. Bon-bons co ta n ng j^ per caps,
&c., which aflbrd cliildron much amusen ent are usnally
provided.

When a juvenile ball is given a supjer is iroTided;
otherwise light refreshments are cons d cl s ffioient, and
are served twice during the even ng Son et mea the
children of the family, if old eno gh and clever enough,
act a little play — sorae nurseiyfary tale condensed into
one act, such as " Beauty and tl e Be-ist C nderella,"
&c. — which lasts about an hour and is followed by
dancing.

When a juvenile fancy hall is given, one or two fancy
quadrilles are arranged beforehand, to be danced by the
children in costurae, the Nursery Rhyme Singing QiiadrilJe
being a very popular one.

»

i

CHAPTER XXV.

WRITTEN IHVITATI0S8.

■Writisg Letteks op Invitatios, and aaswering letters
of invitation, often occupy far longer time in the com-
position than the writers would care to confess. The
difficulty does not lie in an invitation itself or in accepting
or refusing it, bnt rather in the form in which either should
be couched, the words that should be chosen, and the ex-
pressions that should be used ; one person is afraid of being
too empressi, another of being too formal or too stiff; one is
fearful of saying too little, another of saying too much.

When invitations are issued on dinner cards or on " at
liomo " cards, the note of acceptance should be as brief as
is the printed card of invitation, and to the printed cai'd
requesting the pleasure of Mi's. Blank's company at dinner,
the stereotyped answer is iavai-iably Mrs, Blank has much
pleasure in accepting Mi's. Dash's kind invitation for
Saturday the 21st, or Sirs. Blank regrets that a previous
engagement will prevent her having the pleasure of accept-
ing Jlra. Dash's kind invitation for Saturday, the 21st.

As regards those invitations that refer to visits of some
days' duration, those aecustoraed to give this description of
entertainment, know esactly what to say and how to say it.
The conventional civilities or affectionate cordialities, as the
tase may be, occur in their proper places j bnt one point is
made clear in either case, namely, the length of the visit to
he paid. There are people who are under the impression

I

1 74. Manners and Mules of Good Society.

that to speuify tlic exact length of a visit is iii a degree in-
hospitahle, and not Bufficiently polite ; and they, therefore,
as a sort of compromise, nse the ambignoas term " a few
days" in lien of distinctly defining the limit of these
invitatioQB. So far from vague invitations such as these
being an advantage to invited guests, they not seldom place
them at a disadvantage at more points than one. They are nn-
certaiu on what day they are to take their departure. They
do not wish by leaving a day earlier to disarrange any little
plan that their hostess may have contemplated for their
amusement ; neither do they wish to prolong their visit a
day later, leat by so doing they should break in npon any
engagements that she may have formed on her own account
independently of her visitors. It is also not a little awkward
fur guests to tcU their hostess that they think of leaving on
Thursday by 12,20 train. It might have suited the hostess
very mnch better that her visitors should have left on tha
TVednesday, and in her own mind she had perhaps intended
that the visit should end on that day ; but, having left the
invitation open, more or less, by saying " a few days," there
is nothing left for her but to sacrifice her own arraugementa
to the convenience of her guests, as without discourtray she
could hardly suggest to them that they should leave a day
earlier than the one they had named, and the visitors romaiu
unconscious of having in any way trespassed upon the good
nature of their hostess.

A few days is also an unsatisfactory wording of aa
invitation to visitors themselves \ as a rule, it means three
or four days, but there is also an nneertainty as to whether
the fourth day should be taken or not. Those who inter-
pret " a few days " to mean three days, make their plans for
departure accordingly ; failing this, they arc compelled to
leave their plans open, and stay from Ihree to five days,
according as chance and circnmstances may dictate, A
lady would perhaps require a little addition to her wardrobe

in the matter of a five days' visit over that of a three dujf.'
stay ; but this is a tiifling detail, although it helps to swell
the list of minor inconvenienccB whiuh are the result of
vagae invitations. There are, of course, exeeptioiiB to every
rale, and there are people who use this phrase of " Will yon
come to see ua for a few days ? " in the bona fide sense of
the word, and to whom it is immaterial whether their guests
remain three days or six days ; but such an elastic inrita-
tion as this ia usually given to a relative, or to a very
intimate friend, whose footing in the liouse ia that of a
relation, and with whom the hostess does not stand on
ceremony, aa far aa her own engagements are concerned ;
anil people on these friendly terma can talk over their
departure with their hostesB, and consult her about it with-
out the faintest embarrassmeut.

The most satisfactory invitation is certainly the one that
mentions the day of arrival and the day of departure.
Thus, after the raison d'etre of the invitation has been
stated, the why and the wherefore of its being given, follows
the gist of the letter : " TVe hope you will come to us on
AVednesday the 23rd, and remain untU the 27th." It is, of
course, open to a hosteas to ask her visitora to prolong their
stay beyond the date named if she sees reason for so doing ;
but thia ia the exception rather than the rule in the case of
short visits, and guests take their departure as a matter of
courae on the day named in the invitation. Hostess and
guests are perfectly at ease upon the subject, and guests do
not feel on delicate ground with their hostess, or fear to
outstay their welcome. When a visit has been paid it is
polite, if not imperative, to write to the hostess and express
the pleasure that has been derived from it. Oftener than
not some httle matter arises which necessitates a note being
written apart from this ; but whether or not, good feeling
nnd good taste would dictate that some audi rote should be
written, and, as it can always include little matters of general

iiiterost in conneution with the past visit, it need neither bo
over ceremonioas or coldly polite.

To write a letter asking for an invitation, or to answer a
letter QBking fur an invitation, is ia either case a difllcult
letter to write, as many have ere this diseovercd. When a
man'icd lady asks for an invitation for a yonng relative or
friend staying with her, to some dance or at home to which
she herself is invited, the note is simple enough, and the
answer is generally a cai-d of invitation or a written per-
mission to bring her. Again, in the case of asking for
invitations for gentlemen, if a lady is going to a ball, she
can without hesitation, ask for cards of invitation foe one or
two gentlemen friends of her onn, mentioning their names
in the note. In this case also the answer is generally in the
affirmative, as men are always acquisitions at a ball. The
awkivai'dness of the situation arises when a good-natured
person is solicited to obtain an invitation to a smart ball for
a lady and her daughters, or for the young ladies only, the
latter knowing someone who would chaperon them, if they
could only get an invitation. If the lady who asks for the
invitation is a fashionable ball-giver, the probability ia that
her request will be gi'anted j but if the contrarj', the reverso
will most likely be the case, even when writing to an
intimate friend, there is always a delicacy in asking for an
invitation for a third person, and aooiety appears to become,
year after year, still more exelusive on this point. Many
people are reluctant, or decline altogether, to put Ihem-
selves under an obligation of this nature, even for those
with whom they are most intimate ; it may bo that tbe
namber of refusals good-natured people have received from
their friends when trying to render services of this deserip-
tion, have made tbem chary of putting themselves forwai'd
again in a similar manner : it is chilling to be told that
the list is over full, or that so many people have been
refused already, or that there ia not a card to spai-c. But a

Wriiicn liivilalions. 177

%w years ago a ball was nob considered a Bnccess nnless it
was an over-croivded one ; the popnlarity of tlic ball-giver
was shown by the guests scarcely being able to find stnnd-
ing-room. Thus, invitations were given right and left to
the friends of those who asked for them.

But the fashion of to-day is to style a crowded ball-room
a " bear-garden," and to confine the invitations, with but
very few esceptions, to those who are strictly on the visiting-
list of the ball-giver ; and pretty girls may sigh in vain for
an invitation to a ball given even by a relative or acquaint-
ance of their own, if not on their visiting-liat. Still,
invitations are constantly asked for by people for their
friends, and sometimes they are given and sometimes
they ai-e refused, as the case may be, but much depends
npon the position of the one who solicits the favour.

If the giver of an entertainment wishes to oblige the
petitioner, she will stretch a point to do so ; if not, she will
write a polite note of excuse, giving one of the reasons before
mentioned. It is thoronghly understood people do uot ask
for invitations for themselves, whatever they may do for
their friends, and that they would not do so unless they
were themselves invited. Living at a distance modifies,
however, this latter mle ; and friends in the conntiy
often ask for invitations for friends in town, and vice
versa.

Dinner invitations are, as a matter of course, never asked
for ; but invitations to garden-parties, afteiiioon at homes,
and afternoon teas, are frequently asked for and readily
given. Some are intimate enough at the house where they
visit to take a relatiTe or friend with them to these after-
noon gatherings without observing the punctiliouEness of
asking for an invitation ; others, on less intimate terms, do
not venture upon doing bo.

T 78 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

In all cases when an invitation is asked for, a hostess
should never neglect to send a reply, and should not take
for granted that her friends will naturally understand that
silence gives consent, for under the circumstances it is very
possible to interpret it to signify a refusal.

CHAPTER XXVI.

REFUSING INVITATIONS.

Many reasons exist for declining invitations, other than
the plea of a prior engagement.

" Mrs. M. regrets (' much regrets/ or * very much regrets *)
that a previous engagement prevents her having the pleasm-e
of accepting Mrs. N.'s ' invitation,' or 'kind invitation.'"
"When on more intimate terms, Mrs. M. should write in the
first person when declining an invitation. It is an open
question whether the nature of the engagement should be
stated or not. Even intimate friends often confine them-
selves to the statement of the bare fact only that a prior
engagement exists ; others, on the contrary, state the nature
of the engagement ; and there is no doubt that this latter
course considerably softens a refusal and lessens the disap-
pointment experienced, and therefore when practicable
should always be followed.

When a prior engagement cannot be made the basis of a
refusal, then the refusal must rest on other lines ; ill health,
a severe cold, &c., are valid excuses. Failing these, the re-
fusal should be as follows : — " Mrs. Z. regrets she is unable
to accept Mrs. X.'s kind invitation, &c."

It occasionally happens that it is desirable to break an
engagement, circumstances having changed the aspect of
things. The invitation, perhaps, was a verbal one, and a
refusal was not easy at the moment.

Again, impromptu invitations are sometimes refused,

N 2

i8o Manners and Rides of Good Scady.

liaviBg been too hastily accepted — the Bervant who brought
the note waited for an answer, and on the impulse of the
moment an affirmatiye answer was given ; the wife had not
time to oonsnlt her husband, and accepted for him as well
as for herself ; or perhaps some potent domestic reason that
could not be exjilained induced a subseqnent refusal.

The fashionable world accepts refusals as a matter of
course, and fills np the gaps with other invitations.

Eefusala of dinner invitations from those for whom a
dinner party was partly originated are always disappointing,
even to the most popular of dinner givers. In the same
way that the absence of the principal county neighbour
from a county entertainment ia felt to cast a shadow over
the proceedings of the day.

Although printed cards of acceptance and of refusal arc
in general use, yet many cases arise which render written
refusals imperative.

As regards the refusal of invilations asked for, such re-
quests should not be made unless on very safe ground, and
with a certainty of meeting with acquieacencc, yet occasion-
ally these requests are either unwelcome or inadmissible,
and refusals are consequently given ; but, unless worded
with tact and good nature, they are often the cause of
strained relations between both friends and acqitaintonces.

CHAPTER XXVII.

WALKDJB, DRIVING, AND BIDIKO.

The usual hours fob Walking, both in tiie metropolis
and at watering-places or seaside toivns, are from twelve to
two o'clock ; but persona not possessing carriages woald ol
course walk in the afternoon also, the hoars for afteraoon
walking ranging Iroin three o'eloek to half past four in the
winter, and from three o'clock to six o'clock in the snmiaer.
In the height of the London season, ladies, howcTer, avoid,
as far as practicable, the crowded thoroughfares, and chiefl;
confine their walks to the parka.

Married ladies ciin, if tliey please, walk out nnaccom-
panied or unattended, but they sliould not do so in places
of public resort, such as tha park in town or the promenades
of fashionable watering-places ; bnt married ladies, espaei-
ally if thej ai-e jonug married ladies, usually prefer ttie
society of another lady, or even tliat of a child, not bo
much, perhaps, for propriety as for companionship, as (a
walk alone, either in town or at fashionable watering-places,
always rendera a lady more or less conspicuous, especially
if she is attractive and well dressed.

A young lady should not walJc by herself in parks or
public promenades, bnt aliould be accompanied either by a
1 elative, friend, or governess, or, failing these, she should be
attended by a lady's maid, when walking in places of gener.il
resort, public thoroughfares, and fashionable promenades.

In the secluded neighbourhoods of towns, suburban

Wanners and Rules of Good Society.

towns, and watering-places, young ladies can walk unac-
3 and unattended to visit their friends residing in
the near Ticinity of theii' homes, or to attend classes, or for
the purpose of shopping;, &c.

Bowing. — As regards the recognition of friends or ac-
qnainfances, it is the privilege of a lady to take tlio initia-
j the first to bow. A gentleman should not
e his hat to a lady until she has accorded him this mark
of recognition, although the act of bowing is a simultQiioona
action on the part of both lady and gentleman, as a lady
would hardly bestow a bow upon a gentleman not prepared
to return it.

The bow between intimate acqnaintauces takes the cha-
racter, when given by a lady, of a familiar nod iu place of
a stiff bow.

When a gentleman retm'us t!ie how of a lady with wliom
he is but slightly acquainted, he should do so with a defe-
rential air, but I'ery slightly raising his hat from his head.
AVhen he is an intimate acquaintance or fiiend, he should
raise bis hat with more freedom of action and with a
quicker movement, and the bow should be neither too
empressd nor too distant.

In Franco and on the continent generally, the rule of
bowing is reversed, and the gentleman is the first to bow to
the lady, instead of the lady to the gentleman.

Between ladies hnt slightly acquainted, the one of highest
rank should be the firet to how to the other j between
ladies of equal rank it is immaterial which of the two bows
first.

A lady should not bow to persona only known to her hy
Bight, although she may frequently iiave seen them in the
company of her friends.

A ladj' should bow to a gentleman, either a friend or

Walking-, Drivitig, and Riding. 183

acquaintance, even when he is walking with either a lady
or gentleman, with whom she ie unacquainted.

Gentlemen do not raise their hats in recognition of each
other, bnt simply nod.

When a gentleman meets another — a friend of his—
walking with & lady, or ladies, with whom he himself is
unacquainted, he should not raise his hat, hut nod to his
friend.

A lady should not bon' to another who, being a straiigcr
to her, has addressed a few remarks to her at an afternoon
party, as the fact of meeting at the house of a mutual friend
does not constitute an acquaintaneesliip, and does not antho-
riee a ftiture bowing acquaintance.

Ladies, as a rule, are not too ready to how to those whom
they have merely conversed with in a casual way. In the
first place, they are not quite certain of being remembered,
and nothing is more disconcerting and disagreeable than to
how to a person who does not return it through forgetful-
ncss of the one who baa given it, or through shortsighted-
ness, or through actual intention. Short-sighted people are
always offending in the matter of not bowing, and almost
every third person, comparatively speaking, complains of
being more or lees short-sighted ; thus it behoves ladies to
discover for themselves the strength and length of siglit
possessed by their new acquaintances, or the chances are
that their bow may never be returned, or they may continue
to labour under the impression that they have received a
cat direct ; thus many pleasant acqnaintances are lost
through this misapprehension, and many erroneons impres-
siona created.

A bowing acquaintance is a difficult and tiresome one to
maintain for any length of time, when opportunities do not
arise for increasing it. The irksomeness of keeping it up
is principally experienced by persons meeting day after day
in the park or on public promenades, riding, driving, or

I

I

1S4 Manners and Rnles of Good Soctely.

walking, more especiaUj wlien it is tacitly understood that
the acquaintance should not develope into a further ac-
quaintance .

It would be considered discourteous to discontinue a
bowing acquQintauce which has once been commenced,

To know a gentleman by sight through having frequently
seen him at balls and parties, does not give a lady the right
to bow to him, even though she may liave stood beside him
for some twenty minutes or so on a crowded staircase, and
may have received some slight civility from him.

A lady who has received a little sen^ice from a stranger
would gladly acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by
a pleasant how, but as bowing to a gentleman argues an
acquaintance with him, and as in such cases a.s the^e an
acquaintance (loos not exist, etiquette provides no compro-
mise in the matter. There fore,'_if a young lady takes her own
line, and rather than appear ungracious bows to a gentleman
who has not been introduced to her either directly or indi-
rectly, it is a breach of etiquette on her part ; and as to do
an unconventional thing is not desirable, the innumerablo
little services which Indies receive in general society are not
further acknowledged beyond the thanks expressed at the
moment of their being received.

Bows vary materially : there is the friendly bow, the
distant bow, the cereraonioua bow, the deferential bow, the
fiimiliar bow, the reluctant bow, and so on, according to
the feelings that actuate individuals in their intercourse
with each other.

When a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies
and gentlemen, and they meet perhaps two or three times
during the day, and are not sufTiciently intimate to speak,
they do not usually bow more than once, when tiins meeting
in park or promenade.

IsTRODUCTioxs OUT OF DOORS are rather a matter of

inclination than not, save nndcr certain circumstances, as,
for instance, when a lady is ivalldng with another lady to
whom she is on a Tisit she shonld introduce any friends
to her hostess she might happen to meet, and her hostess
should do likewise if time and opportunity offered for
so doing; should any reason exist for not making
an introduction on the pai't of either lady, it should be
explained when they are again alone, aa were either of
the ladies to exclude the other from the conversatiou it
would be considered discourteous towards the one excluded.
When two ladies accidentally meet when ont walking, and
are subsequently joined by two or more ladies, introductions
should not be made by either of the ladies unless some
especial reason exists for so doing. A lady as a rule shonld
not introduce gentlemen to each other unless one of them
is her host, when it would be correct to do so.

At watering places, and at all public promenades, it is
usual for gentlemen to join ladies with whom they are
acquainted, and to walk with them for a short time.

Ladies and gentlemen, whether related or not, should
never walk arm-in-arm, unless the lady is an elderly one, or
an invalid, and requires this support.

DiUVixG. — From 3 to 6.30 are the received hours for the
afternoon drive during the summer, and from 2.30 to 4.30
during the winter.

Ijadiea driving themselves, in either a victoria or a pony-
carriage, drive in the morning or artemoon, according to
choice, although the morning hours from twelve o'clock to
two, are the most fashionable hours for the morning drive.

A lady should not drive alone unless attended by a
groom, in town or at watering places.

When driving in an open or close can'iage it ia quite
immaterial whetlier the owner of the carriage occupies the
right-hand or the left-hand seat facing the horses, which

I

seat ehs occupies depends upou the side of the carriage slie
enters, aa t!ie lady diiving witli her should enter the carriage
before her and should scat herself on the farthest seat
facing the horses,

A visitor should always enter the carriage before the
hostess.

When three ladies enter a carriage the young unmarried
lady should take the back seat of the carriage, the two
man-ied ladies should occupy the front seat facing the
horses ; this is a ruatter of courtesy on the part of a young
lady due to married ladies and not strictly demanded by
etiquette.

A husband should eit with his back to the horses when a
lady is driving with his wife, but not otlierwise,

A gentleman should be the first to get oat of a carriage,
with a view to assisting the ladies to do so.

Ab a rule the hostess should leare the carriage after her
guest and not before her, unless it ia more convenient to do
otherwise.

When a lady is merely calling for an acquaintance to
take her for a drive, she should not descend from her
carriage for the purpose of allowing her to enter it before hei'.

In the afternoon young ladies should not drive alone in
the public tboronghfares, but should be accompanied by a
married lady. It is not considered good style for a very
young lady to drive alone in a victoria or brougham in the
park or in the crowded streets, although she might drive
from one house to another in a quiet neighbourhood to join
her mother or chaperon, or to execute sf.mc little com-

A yoang mairied lady, on the contrary, can drive
wherever she pleases and drive alone. It would be in bad
taste for a manied lady to offer a gentleman a seat in her
victoria, unless he were a near relative, although, if driving
with another lady in a barouche or landau, it would be

quite correct were she to offer a gentleman a seat in her
carriage if she felt disposed to do so.

It would be very uiicoiiTentioiiiil were a lady to drive alone
with a gentleman in his phaeton, T-cai'fc, or victoria, unless
he were nearly related to her, or unless she were engaged to
he married to him.

It is nsual for the owner of a carriage to sit with her face
to the horeea ; when a married lady is driving with her she
should sit beside her. When young ladies are driving with
her in addition to the married lady they ahonH sit with
their backs to tlie horeos,

IVhen a lady is driving with her husband in a dog-cart,
phaeton, or pony carrisge, and a young lady accompanies
her, she should not offer the front seat to the young lady
but should retain it herself, and even should the offer be
made, a young lady should not avail herself of it.

RiDisQ. — As i-egards riding in town, the hour for practice
in the Row is between ten and twelve for inexperienced
riders and beginners ; young ladies ride with a riding-
master or with a riding-mistress, or with a relntive as the
ease may be.

From twelve to two, rank and fashion, and youth and
beauty, assemble in the Row.

The smart pace for the Row is a sliort canter, making a
horse abow himself oif to the best advantage, and keeping
him well in band. A lady should only trot when she has a
most perfectly broken-io animal and can rise to its trot
with no apparent effort ; as directly it appears laboured it
is a mistake, and should nevor be attempted in the Row.
The fashion of squaring the elbows has been for some little
time in vogne, but it is one of doubtful elegance.

It is thoroughly understood that a lady should not ride
in the Row alone — that is, unaccompanied or unattended —
at uny hour of the day, very invidious rcEiJctions would be

made on a lady who attempted to brave public opinion and
Ect conventionality at defiance ; but yet it may be argued,
and Tery likely will be in these days of woman's emancipa-
tion, that no possible harm or annoyance could arise from
the fact of a lady riding unattended, beyond the always
possible chance of an accident.

Although a lady must necessarily be accompanied when
riding in the Row, yot a wide choice ia allowed her with
regai-d to a companion. If a married lady, it is considered
quite correct if she accepts the offer of any friend to ride
with her, married or unmarried, and a young unmarried
lady could equally, as a matter of course, canter in company
with a married man, a friend of her family ; but were a
young unmarried man to propose riding with her, it would
be an open question as to whether he might or might not
do BO.

As a rule, young people of opposite sexes, fair and
fascinating, seldom ride out together in London, unless they
happen to be an engaged couple.

It is allowable for two ladies to ride together, un-
accompanied by a gentleman and unattended by a groom ;
but in most cases they prefer having either one or the other
in attendance.

The manner in which a horse is groomed, and his general
appearance, is a matter of great moment to his rider, of
either box, and many a lady possesses as keen an apprecia-
tion as to how a horse should look when brought round for
her to mount as any member of the stenier sex. Some men
are quite fastidious as to the condition of their horses, even
to the length of a hair in an animBl's tail. Elderly gentle-
men often prefer to amble on quiet cobs, leaving it to
their grooms to display the good points of their stables.

Cockades auk wons by servants in livery of officei-s in
the army and navy ; of those who hold Her Majesty's

Walking, Driving, and Riding. 189

commissioDS in the mDitia and volunteer forces, of lord-
lieutenants and deputy-lieutenants.

Retainers of the Crown are entitled to the use of the
cockade as a badge of the reigning dynasty.

There is no duly sanctioned authority or regulation that
defines who are entitled to "mount the cockade," and
consequently it is difficult to state the law which governs
it, thus of late years the privilege of "mounting the
cockade " has been greatly abused.

CHAPTER XXVIII.

COUNTRY-HOUfJE VISITH.

Septehbeh IB actnally the commencement of tlie country
visiting Beason, the few visits that am puid in Angnst are
but a prelade to the progTBiiime that is to follow during the
Bticceeding five months.

The visitors received in Augcst ale principally relatives.
The exceptions to the Angust family parties are the Angnst
crictet parties in the connttes where cricket is made a
gi-eat featcre during that month, where the cricket weeks
and consequent large country house parties are of annaal
recurrence, and where balls and private theatricals form
part of the week's amusement. It often follows that people
visit at the same houses year after year, they arrange their
tour of visits witli regaid to tliose invitations which thoy
annually receive ; new acqnaintances and new houses
whereat to visit are added to the list from time to time and
take the place of those which, as a matter of course, drop
oat of it. Sometimes the in\'it.ations fit into each other
admirably, like the pieces of a puzzle, at others there is an
awkward interval of a day, or two or three days, tu be filled
up between leaving one house and arriving at another. If
the hostess is, in either case, a relation or an intimate
friend, this difficulty is easily surmounted by staying on at
one house until the day fixed for arrival at another, or rice
rersSj but if a guest is on ceremony with her hostess, or if,
as is often the case, new arrivals are expected for the follow-

Coiintry-hcuse Visits. 191

ing weeek, the alternative is to spend a few daja in town, ns
although tlie house ivhere the nest visit to he paid might
be within twenty or thirty miles of the house the visitor ia
abont to leave, it would be nnusual to spend the interval at
an hotel in the adjacent town, as to do so might reflect
upon the hospitality of the hostess. On the other hand,
invitations are sometimes given independently of dates, but
this friendly atjle of invitation is not given when a large
party is invited, and it ia understood to mean that the
hostess may be quite alone, or may have guests staying
with her, as the case may he. This form of invitation is
frequently given to people risiting in Scotland, on account
of the gi'eat distance from town.

It is a rery general custom to give shooting parties the
first week in September, harvest permitting. If the harvest
is late on account of unfavourable weather the shooting
jmrties are postponed until the second or third week in the
month ; if not, the guests, or at least the crack guns, are
usually invited for August 31st, to be in readiness for the
morning of tJie First.

There are large shooting parties and small shooting
parties, (hooting pai'ties to which royalty ia invited and
shooting parties restricted to intimate friends or relations,
but in either case the period is the same, thi'ee days'
fihooting.

If a party is limited to five guns, se^-en ladies ia the
average number invited, the hostesa relying upon a neigh-
bour or a neiglibour'H son to equalise the balance at the
dinner table, Tlie auecess of house-parties mainly depends
upon people knowing each other, or fraternising when they
are inti'odnced or have made each other's acquaintance.
The ladies of a conntrj'-honse pai-fcy are expected, as a rule,
to amuse themselves, more or less, during the day. After
luncheon there is usually a drive to a neighbouring town, a
little si opping to be done there, or a cnll to be paid in the

192 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

nfiighbonrhood bj some of the party, notably the married
ladies, the young ladies being left to their own reaonrces.

At the close of a visit game is offered to thoee of the
shooters to whom it is known that it will be acceptable.
The head game-keeper is usually instructed to pnt np a
couple of brace of plicaaants and a hare. But in Bome
houses even this cnatom is not followed, and the whole of
the game killed, with the exception of what is required for
the house, finds its way into the market, both the local
market and the London market

The first three weeks of September gives a hostess little
anxiety on the score of finding amusement for the ladies of
the party, as so many aids out of doors are at her command
at this season of the year. This is a gi'cat advantage,
as although some few ladies possessing great strength
of nerve have taken up shooting as an amusement and
pastime and acquit themselves surprisingly well in this
manly sport, yet ladies in general are not inclined for so
dangerous a game, and find entertainment in strictly femi-
nine pursuits, while even those intrepid ladies who have
learnt how to use their little gua would never be permitted
to make one or two of a big shooting party, even were they
80 inclined.

A good hostess has great opportunities of distinguish-
ing herself when entertaining a country-house party,
from the arrival of the first can'iage to the departure of
the last. Her consideration and tact are so successfnlly
exerted that somehow her guests always find themselves
doing exactly what they like best and in company with
those who are most congenial to them, to say nothing of
the comfort of tiie general domestic arrangements, which
seem to have been arranged exclusively for their conveni-
ence. If they wish to drive, there is a carriage at their
disposal ; if they prefer a constitutional, there is someone
very agreeable desirous of walking with them. The daily

papera are always to be found, the posUbag goes out at a
most convenient honr by the baud of a special messenger,
the dinner is of the best, and the ereuing is of the cheeriest.
A round game of cards — uo silent riibbers of whist to awe
the non-whist players into all but Btillness, But there is
general conversation and general good epirits in fcho house
of a perfect hostess ; while in the house of one ivho is
not a good hostess the picture is reversed, and guests
find themselves dull, bored, ill at ease, and out of their
element,

Oecasionally, when the birds are wild and sport is slact,
a sort of picnic luncheon is held in the vicinity of a
keeper's lodge, under the shade of Fome wide- spreading
ti-ees, when the ladies join the party ; but keen sportsmen
despise this playing at shooting, and resent the interruption
caused by the company of ladies at luncheon, and prefer to
take it in the roagh and smoke the while. Thus ladies
generally have luncheon in the house at the regulation
luncheon hour, and are not rejoined by the gentlemen until
the day's shooting is over, between five and six o'cbck.
Every day of the week is not thus given np to shooting,
and there are few owners of manors who would care to
provide five days' consecutive sport for their guests, and two
days' hard shooting is probably followed by what is called an
idle day. On these off days in September the hostess oflen
gives a garden-party, or takes her guests to one given by a
ncighbonr at some few miles distant, or she holds a stall
at a bazaar and persuades her guests to assist her in dis-
posing of her stock, or she induces her pai'ty to accom-
pany liet to some flower-show in which she takes a local
interest; or the host and one or two of the best shots
start early after breakfast to shoot with a neighbour, and
the remainder of the guests drive over to a picturesque
ruin, where they picnic, and return home in time for the
eiglit o'clock dinner. If the owner of a mansion has a

194 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

coach tiie whole party is conveyed on it, otherwise all the
camBgea are bronghfc into requisition, from the baronclie
to the T-eart, while saddle horses are provided for those
who care to ride. A country house party occasionfllly
resolves itself into two or more cliques, as far as the ladies
are conceitied; gentlemen, as a rule, are not much given
to this sort of thing. On the first evening, aa soon
as the ladies liave left the dining-room for the drawing-
room, these little cliques are tacitly formed, and continne
unbroken until the close of the visit. There are many
reasons which cull these cliques into existence — old inti-
macies revived, new acquaintanceships to be strengthened,
unwelcome acquaintanceshipa to be avoided, and so on.
These cliquea are by no means agreeable to the hosteas,
indeed, quite the contrary— but she is powerless to prevent
their being formed, and she is herself sometimea drawn
into one or other of them, and sometimes altogether ex-
cluded from them. Anyone who is at all conversant with
country-honse visiting is aware how thoroughly the influence
of the clique pervades the atmosphere of the drawing-room ;
and yet, perhaps, at country-house parties more friendships
are fomied and intimacies cemented than at any other
gatherings.

The evening amusements at country-honse parties vary
very mnch according to the proclivities of the hostesa or
tliose of her daughtera. At some houBes dancing is the
oi-der of tilings for a couple of lioura or so after dinner, bnt
tliie mode of spending the evening doea not alwaya commend
itself to the gentlemen, who, after a long dny'a walking
through wet tumipa and over heavy ploughed land, or a
hard day's riding over stiff fences, rather incline towards
therfoffe/flr nimh of a lusnrious aim-chair than to the
pleasures of the mazy valse, and are proportionately grateful
to a hostess who does not call upon them (o undergo any
ftather esercise than what they have already gone tlirough

for their own pleasure. Some hostesses entertaiu theii
guests with Tccal music, while others incline to amateur
theatxicala and tableaux vivanls, impromptu charades, dumb
crambo, thought reading, and feats of nerve power, itc,
which latter is a very fashioDaljle amusement, and e;i8j of
accompli8hment,whilethefonner demands considerable study
and plenty of time for reheai-sal, therefore theatricals are
generally engaged in when the party is composed of relatives
rather than of acquaintances, and when the visit would be
perhaps prolonged to ten days or a fortnight. Some
hostesses prefer keeping late hours to early hours, and do
not retire until after twelve ; this does not commend itself
to the gentlemen, as they are not supposed to adjourn to
the smoking-room until the ladies have left the drawiug-
room, and gentlemen like to spend a coople of hours in the
Binoking-room after dinner.

Ladies are never expected to invade the privacy of the
smoking-room, and those ladies who are masculine enough
to do so offend against good taste, and their presence, if
toleiated, is as unusual as it is uudesired.

In hunting counties the breakfast is usually an early one,
yarying from nine o'clock to half-past nine, according to
whether the ride to covert is likely to be a long or a short
one ; but, as a rule, the nominal breakfast hour is ten
o'clock. A certain amount of latitude is allowed to guests
as regards coming down to breakfast ; they do not assemble
in the morning-room, but all make their way to the break-
faat-room, and seat themselves at once at table,

In Scotland, an invitation to shoot often means a visit of
thi'ee weeks. The accommodation of the shooting-box or
lodge may be limited or primitive, and it is very often both
of these ; but it matters very little to the sportsman what
sort of bed he sleeps on, or how he is made to rough it,
providing the grouse are plentiful. On some of the moors
there are bat cottages and farmhouses for the occupation of

the sportsmcD, but on others the bouses are excellent, and
let with the moors, as many tate a moor season after seasoa
and invite their friends to shoot between the 12thof Augnst
and October. The grand shooting parties that are annnaliy
given in Scotland by oiraera of large estates and fine sboot-
ings extend tbronghoot the whole of the shooting season,
and gncsts come and go without intermLssion ; as one leaves
another arrives. Certain houses or castles are much gayer
than others ; to some very few ladies are asked, the majority
of the guests being gentlemen — probably the hostess and
two ladies aud eight men — in others, the numbers are more
equal ; in others, the party sometimes consisto entirely of
men with a host and no hostess. Ladies generally ask
their most intimate friends to Scotland rather than acquaint-
ances, as they are left to themselves the whole of the day,
dinner being often jxjstponed until nine o'clock, on acconnt
of the late return of the sportsmen.

Sonth of the Tweed, September invitations are nsndly givea
for three or four days, from Tuesday till Saturday ; married
couples, young ladies, and young men, are all asked, and the
ladies find amusement in lawn-tennis, or in attending or
assisting at some neighbouring bazaar or fancy fair, as in
this month county bazaai's are very popular, and the visitora
at one house lend their services in conjunction with the
visitors at another, to hold stalls at a bazaar got np by a
third influential lady ; and thus the stalls are well stocked,
and the fashionable stall-holdera give an impetus to the
whole affair.

Ladies see very little of the gentlemen between breakfast
and dinner. The shooters start about eleven, and seldom
return much before seven.

When it is dark at four, those who prefer ladies' society
and tea to the smoking-room and billiards, make themselves
presentable and join the ladies.

As EEG.UIDS THE EtIQUETTK OP ViSlTIKG AT BACHELOns'

Houses. — It is thoroughly understood that ladies should be
accompanied by their husbands, and young ladies by their
father and mother, or by a married coaplo with whom they
are on terms of great intimacy, in which case the married
lady acts as chaperon to the yonng ladies. Young ladies
cannot stay at the house of a bachelor unless chaperoned by
a married relative of their own in lieu of father and m(-thcr ;
or by a female relative of their host. Any departure from
this received rule would lay them open to being avoided by
their own sex, and unfavourably commented upon by men
in general. A widow and her daughter could of course joid
a party of ladies staying at & bachelor's house, but they
should not stay with him were he alone, or entertaining
bachelor frienils only.

When a bachelor gives a conntry-honse party, and nomi-
nally does the honours himself, occasionally one of the
married ladies of the party tacitly takes the lead.

The position of a young widower ia similar to that of a
bachelor as regards society. Later in life, the contraiy is
the case ; a widower with grown-np daughters gives enter-
tainments for them, and the eldest daughter does the
honom's. thus reducing the position again to that of host
and hostess.

CHAPTER XXIX.

Ladies in the Hustikg-Field. — There ie no arena
better fitted to display good riding on the part of women
than the honting-field, and no better opportunity for the
practice of this delightfnl accompli aiiment and for its
thorongh enjoyment. It is urged, however, that it argnea
cruelty of disposition and nnwomanly feeling to Join ia the
pursuit of a poor miserable hunted fox, and worse still to be
in at the death, and that women are liable to be carried away
by the enthusiasm of the hour to applaud aud to witness
what they would otherwise shrink irom. This argument
has a certain weight, and deters many from actually hunt-
ing who would otherwise join in the sport, and they make a
compromise by regularly attending the meets, and even
witnessing a throw-off of a fox-break covert. Every strong
point that a lider possoBseB ia brought out in the field.
The canter in the Eow, the trot throngh the country -lanes,
or the long country ride are very feeble substitutes for the
intense enjoyment experienced when taking pai-t in a good
run ; the excitement felt and shared in by the whole field
cxbilarateB and stimulates, and renders fatigue a thing out
of the question, not to be thought of until the homeward
ride is well over.

Considering the number of ladies who hunt, the accidents
that occur are surprisingly few, for the obvious reason that
ladies do not attempt to hunt unless their skill as good

horsewomen is beyond all question. Their husbands, their
fathers, their brothers would not allow them to jeopardise
their lives, unless their riding and experience, their courage,
their nerve, and their instraction justified the attempt.

There arc also two other weighty cousidei-ationB necessary
to success, a good mount, and a good lead. The father or
husband invariably selects the one, and the friend — either
of the fair rider or of the husband or brother— gives the
all-important lead, ivithout which few ladies venture upon
hunting, save those few who are independent enough to cut
out their own work.

Ladies, who are naturally fond of riding, cannot always
indulge in the pleasure of hunting, on the ground of es-
pense, for instance, A lady may possess a fairly good horse
for ordinary purposes, to ride in the Row, or for country
exercise, but very few gentlemen of moderate means can
afford to keep hunters for the ladies of their families as well
as for themselves, although, in fiction, this is freely done.
If a lady has one good hunter of her own, she may expect
two days' hunting a week, providing the country is not too
stiff, and the meets are fairly convenient. Occasionally, a
mount may be obtained from a good-natured friend, whose
stud is larger than his requirements ; but this is not to be
depended upon in every-day life, and popular ladies and
first-rate riders are more in the way of receiviug these
attentions than the general run of ladies.

As regards the presence of young ladies in the hunting-
field, there are two opinions respecting its advisability,
apart from the question of whether it is or is not a feminine
pursuit. The long ride home in the November and Decem-
ber twilight, in the company of some member of the hnut,
who has become the young lady's cavalier for the time
being, is not to the taste of many parents ; chaperonage
must of necessity be greatly dispensed with in the hunting-

i

200 hJanncrs and Rules of Good Society.

field, and this is an olijection which many fathers advaDce
ngainet their daughters hnttiug.

Some huBhanda entertain cqnBlJy strict views on this
head, and are of opinion that the boldest rider and the beat
lead to follow in the field is not always the gncst tliey
would most desire to see at their own firesides.

HuHT-BBEAKFASTa. — A lady should not go to a hnnt-
breakfast at the liouae of a country gentleman if unac-
quainted with him, or some member of his family, unless
asked to do so by a mutual acqnaintancc. All gentlemen
riding to hounds, whether strangers to the host or not,
haife the privilege of entering any house where a hunt-
breakfast, IB given and accepting the hospitality offered.
The breakfast, which is in reality a cold collation, with the
addition of wine, liqueurs, ale, &c., is usually laid out in
the dining-room, and no ceremony whatever is observed ;
the gentlemen come and go as they please.

The mistress of the house should either be present at a
hunt-breakfast and receive tlie ladies who arrive in the hall
or dining-room, or she should receive tliem in the drawing-
room, where refreshments should be brought to them.

When a hostess intends riding to hounds, she is often
mounted before her neighbours arrive, in which case she
invites them to enter the house for refreshments, if they
care to do so.

GestIiEMEN who go dowk into a County for a few
days' hunting only, seldom wear "pink," and prefer riding
to hounds in black coats.

The members of the hunt wear pink as a matter of
course, but it is considered better taste for a stranger to
wear a black coat thin to appear in a neti; vcnj imv, un-
specked red one.

SponTiNG Terms,— Persons nnvci-sed in mattei's apper-

Hvnling and Shooting.

tuiiiinj to "country life" and " country sports," toiviibrecl,
and who have had little or no opportunity of acquiring a
linowledgo of the subject from personal experience, can
hardly fail to commit many and various mistakes when
brought into contact with sportsmen and their eports.

A knowledge of sporting matters and sporting terms,
and the etiquette observed by sportflraen, is only arrived at
by associating with those thoroughly conversant with the
subject, and with whom " sport " has formed part of their
edncation so to speak ; still, a few cursory hints may be
acceptable to tbo uninitiated, aa, for instance :

A sportsman at once duha a man a " thorough cockney "
when he terms the hounds, when out hunting, " the dogs,"
and even smiles contemptuously at a lady's ignorance when
she calls one of a pack of fox-hounds " a dog." It also
sonnds odd to a sportsman when a gentleman or lady speaks
of a fos's brush as a " tail."

In hunting circles it is considered a crime iu the social
code for a gentleman to shoot a fox in mistake for a hare,
a mistake which inexpericoced sportsmen have been known
to perpetrate.

To bead a fox, or to holloa at a fox, are also great offences
in the eyes of the master of the hounds as in those of the field.

A man should not ask his friend if he had had " a good
day's hunting," bat whether he "had had a good run ;" or
he should ask him " Where did yon find ? " and he should
use other expressions of a like character, avoiding the use
of unsportsmanlike terms.

The Shooting Season coiiiiESCEa on the 12th of
August with gronso shooting in the north of England,
Scotland, and Ireland. Partridge shooting commences on
the lat of September and terminates on the Ist of Febrnaiy,

The finest partridge shooting is allowed by general
consent to be found in the eastern connties.

302 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

Parfridge driving does not take place until January to
iiny great extent. Pheasant shooting commencea the let of
October and terminates the 1st of February.

Hares may be shot up to the let of March.

Eabbits may be shot all the year round. Eooks are shot
during the spring and summer.

The Etiquette observed by Spobtsmen with regard
to shooting is very strict, and there are ceitain rules in
I'espect to this sport which a man should make himself ac-
quainted with before attempting to engage in it in company
with other sportsmen. Many good stories arc told of in-
experienced sportsmen who, relying on a superficial know-
ledge of the subject, manage to commit many ludicrous
blnnders. For instance, they oftener than not violate one
of the first rnlcs of shooticg, that of " never pointing the
gun at any one" when out shootiDg — neither at sportsman,
keepers, or dogs ; in illustration of which a story is cnrrent
of a gentleman who, when hia bird rose, slowly and de-
liberately pointed bis gun at each man as he stood in line,
rendering it a matter of uncertainty and suspense as to
which of the party he intended to shoot, and who, when
sharply interrogated as to what he meant to do, calmly
replied " that he was following his bird."

" The dog," again, is a great b tumbling-block to the in-
experienced " gun." He usually insists on bewildering him
with a multiplicity of words aud directions, using a
different espression each time he speaks to him, although
conveying the same order, regardless of the fact that the
fewer the words addressed to the dog the better. Thus,
the inexperienced sportsman usually exclaims "Go and
find," "There's a good dog," "Hie, find," "Good dog,"
" Where is it ? " all this in a breath and with growing
excitement, confusing and bewildering the dog, and ex-
isperating his fellovr-sportsmen, who, by one word addressed

Hunting and Shooting. 203

to the dog, Bueh as " Hie," " Seek," or " Steady," oanse
him at once to nnderstand his duty ; aa a sportsman
uses but ODe expression to indicate eauli partionlar duty
required of the dog. Again, the inexperienced BportBmaii
enrages his party by explaining when the dog is required to
fall behind, " Come here, sir, come here," " Back," " There's
a good dog," " Go behind, sir," " Come back, old fellow,"
iast^ad of rising one short word of command such as
" Heel."

Dogs properly trained — and a sportsman would not take
one cut that was not— thoroughly understand the short
word of command given ; a dog's memory ia so retentive
that he never forgets a word he has been taught or the ap-
plication of it, although he may not have heard it for half
a dozen years.

Numberless good stories are told both in print and ont of
it of the ignorance displayed by embryo sportsmen A propos
of dogs, such as the following : — A sportsman of this
calibre, on being told by his host that if he followed the
dog— a well-trained pointer — he would be safe to have a
good day's sport, did so literally, and hunted hiui from
field to field, and when at last he came up with him, when
" on a point," dealt him a smart blow to drive him onwards,
exclaiming " I have tired you out at last, have I ? "

It is diificuU to make a wonld-be sportsman comprehend
the strict etiquette maintained between the owners of
manors ; that is to say, he would think nothing of crossing
the boundary of his boat's manor, " gun in hand," if he
felt inclined to follow a bird or haie he had wounded,
oblivious of the fact that, in the first place, the greatest
punctiliousness is obse'.'ved between gentlemen in the
matter of trespassing on each other's land when out shooting ;
and, that nnleas the greatest intimacy existed, a sportsman
would hardly venture to pick up his dead bird if it had
fallen on a neighbour's manor, and woald on no account

^

I

204 Man7iers and Rules of Good Society.

look for a wounded bird, but for a dead oue only. In the
second place he would carefully observe the rule of leaviDg
his gun on his own side of the boundary, and would certainly
not carry it with him on to hia neighbour's land These
are points that strangers invited for a few days' shooting
very often fall fonl of, creating thereby much unpleasant-
ness for their host through their ignorance and in-
experience.

When a gentleman is invited to join a shooting-party,
it would not be necessary for him to take a loader with him,
as his host would find a man to perform that ofBce for him,
luiless he had a Ecrvant with him capable of performing that
duty ; but if he were residing in the neighbom-hood he would,
as a matter of course, take his loader with him when asked
to join a shooting-party, and in both cases he would shoot
with two guns, as to shoot with one gun only causes a
vexatious delay, mora especially if the one gun should
happen to be a muzzle loader, for nothing is more irritating
to a party of sportsmen than to be kept waiting while the
one muzzle-loader is being loaded, they themselves using
breach-loaders.

Another cause of offence to sportsmen is for a gentleman
to be noisy when out shooting, that ia to say, to be " londly
talkative," or " boiaterously merry," or given to indulge in
exclamations when a bird rises, or when a bii-d is missed j
your true sportsman maintains a strict silence.

A gentleman "looks" for his hare, or "picks up" hia hare,
he does not track it unless it were shot and lost ia the snow,
while to " trap " a hare would be an offence only committed
hy a poacher, and scarcely by a gentleman on hia own land,
or on that of any one else-
There are numberless other points relating to field sports
wherein the "inexperienced sportsman" is apt to give
offence, but which would take up too much space to
enter into in a work of this description. Therefore, bat

Hunting and SJiooting, 205

a few of the most prominent errors have been here
alluded to.

The Fees, or Tips to the Gamekeepers, vary from
£1 to £5, according to the number of days' shooting en-
joyed or the extent of the bag.

For one day's partridge-shooting the tip to the head
gamekeeper would be a sovereign ; for a good day's
pheasant-shooting, as much as two sovereigns would pro-
bably be given. A gentleman who does not tip or fee up
to this mark is not likely to find himself too well placed in
a battue.

The cost of a game licence is £3, and lasts twelve months,
from Slst of July to the 31st July the following year.

* \

CH.\PTER XXX.

SHAKI.N'G HANDS.

The etiquette with regard to shaking hands ia not an
open qaestioii, it ia diBtinct enough and simple enongh for
all exigences, but yet there is individual temperament to be
taken into account which ia many drives etiquette out of
the field, if hy etiquette is understood not merely stiff pro-
priety of action, hnt politeness in the truest sense of the
word, anil doing that which is exactly the riglit thing to do.
Etiquette rnles when to shake hands and when not to do
BO, when to how and when not to bow ; but in spite of this
knowledge, which ia within every one's reach, there are
many mistakes made on this head.

For instance, one does not offer to shake hands when
expected to do so; another offers to shako hands three
times ; one displays unwarrantable warmth in shaking
hands; another extends two fingers only ; one shakes hands
in a limp and uncomfortable manner, and takes the extended
hand merely to drop it ; another literally pumps the ex-
tended hand, or crnshes the j'iugs into a lady's fingers when
shaking hands with her.

A lady who docs not shake hands when expected to do
60 is actuated by one or other of the following reasons — she
did not wish to shake hands with a certain acquaintance,
and preferred to bow only, or she was not aware whether
she should have shaken hands or not.

The gentlemen who shake bands with prfiat warmth and

Shaking Hands. 207

emprnssemmit are two distinct indiviUnals \ tbe one is
cordial and large-hearted, and lias a friendly grasp for
everyone — a grasp indicative of kindliness, geniality, and
good fellowship — the other wishes to ingratiate himself in
certain quarters, and loses no opportunity of demonstratively
shtiking hands, but no one is deceived by this spurious
imitation of tlie real thing.

When a lady gives but two fingers to people whom she
does not care about, she is always a person ivho fancies
herself, and who feels very flue ; she doubtless is, but her
good breeding and her good feeling are both in question
when she takes this method of showing the superiority of
herself and her position over that of other people.

Tiiere are other eccentricities indulged in by different
people who shake hands when they should not, and people
who do not shake hands when they should.

It depends upon whom a lady is introduced to, or upon
who is introduced to her, whether she should or should not
shake hands. She should not shake hands on being casually
introdnced to a person altogether a stranger to her; but
yet there are so many occasions when it is both proper and
correct to shake hands on being introduced, that the rule
on this head is a very elastic one.

For instance, a host and hostess should shake hands wilh
every stranger introduced to them at their house.

A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the
relations of her intended husband.

A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the
friend of an intimate friend.

When a lady has entered into conversation to any extent
with some one to whom she has been introduced, and finds
she has much in common with her, she should shake hands
on taking leave ; but if she has only exchanged a few com-
mon-place sentences, a bow would he all that is necessary.

A lady nsually takes the initiative with regard to sbakiig

2o8 Manuel's and Rules of Good Society.

haadB aa with bowing ; but in reality it is a spontaneoua
movement, made by botli lady and gentleman at the eame
moment, as the hand ought not to be extended or the bow
given unless expected and insfcantaneonsly reciprocated.

A yonng lady should not offer to shake lianda with one
not expectant of the honour.

Shaking hands on taking leave is, with aome few people,
a graceful and pleasant fashion of saying good-bye ; intimate
friends hold the hand while the last words are being said-
Women hold each tithor's hands thus on parting, and some
few men take each other's hands j but with them it is
rather a foreign fasliion, and is principally followed by those
who have lived much on the Continent j for, as a rule, an
Englishman prefers the heavty English shake of the hand.

A lady having once shaken hands with another, should
continue to do so at subsequent meetings, imless a coolness
of manner warns her that a bow would be more aceeptabla

With regard to shaking hands at a dinner-party with
acquaintances. If the dinner-party is a small one, and
there is time to shake hands, it is correct to do so ; but
when there is little time before dinner, and no good oppor-
tunity for shaking hands, bows to acquaintances at distant
parts of the room, or when seated at tlie dinner-table, are
sufficient recognition for the time being.

At an evening-party it depends npon opiiortunity whether
flcqnaiiitances shake liands or not.

I

i

CHAPTER XXXI.

The office of a chaperon is both an onerous aud respon-
sible one, and it is therefore not Burprising that many ladies
cspress and feel a certain amonnt of unwillingness and re-
luctance when asked to undertake it. The manner in wliich
the duties of a chaperon are performed materially influences
the position and success in society of the young lady whom
she undertakes to chaperon ; and there are very many
qualifications required of a chaperon to render her chaperon-
age of real service to her charge. A mother is, of course,
the natural chaperon of her daughter, and of her chaperon-
age it is unnecessary to speak, as she wonld fi'oni aflection
csert herself to the ntmost to promote and further the
interests and enjoyment of her daughter— a motive-power
which is too often lacking in all other chaperons, saving,
perhaps, in the elder married sister, who is popularly
accredited with being a chaperon of no ordiuaiy calibre ; btit
young ladies deprived by death, or confirmed ilhi^s, of the
chaperonage of a mother, must, of necessity, rely upon tlio
good offices of either a relative or friend to act in this
capacity towai-ds them.

No sooner has a young lady left the school-room and dis-
pensed with the chaperonage of her governess, than she re-
quires the chaperonage of a married lady. An unmarried
lady, unless she be a maiden-lady of a recognised age and
, cannot act as an orthodox chaperon; but on

J

210 Manners and Ruie^ of Good Society.

the other hand, a young married lady could do bo with the
greatest propriety.

Were a young lady to appear in Bociety imaccorapanied by
a chaperon it would be unconventional in the extreme,
although the chaperonage is more or Icsa relaxed according
to the chaj'acter of an entertainment and the age of the
yonng lady attending it.

At country out-door gatherings for instance, such as
garden-parties, lawn-tennis-parfcies, archery-parties, and so
on, the chaperonage required is of a comparatively slight
nature, and for which any chaperonage might bo made
available ; but it is only at this description of oat-door ^e/a
that the rule is at all relaxed, and where young ladies may
appear unaccomponied by a chaperon ; but even then, s,
certain degree of intimacy must exist with the hostess to
warrant their putting themselves under her charge for the
time being.

At all other entertainments, it is imperative that a young
lady BhoQld be accompanied by a chaperon, whether it be a
dinner or a dance, an afternoon tea or an evening assembly,
a concert or ball, or theatre, &c \ and a young lady wlio
attempts to evade this received rule would be considci-cd
unconventional and unused to the comrnaitces prescribed by
society.

The bias of many young ladies of the present day is to
assert as much independence of action as opportunity offers,
but any dereliction in this respect is noted to their dis-
advantage.

At diDuer-partics llie duties of a chaperon do not weigh
heavily upon her, as beyond taJiing her charge to, and
bringing her from the honse where the dinner is to bo
given, she is not in any way recjuired to exert herself for
her benefit, socially speaking.

It is more especially at " at homes," dances, end balls, that
all efficient chaperf,n ia most needed, and the want of snc-Ii

Jiapcrons aiia DihutaiUcs.

most I'ult. By a good chaperon ia meant a Is
a large circle of acquaint ances, who is popular as well
as good-nafcured — anremittinoly goodnatured through-
out the whole eyening in i t d g th joung lady under
her care to those ladies of 1 q t n e who are in the
habit of giving entertain t d I inti'oducing any
gentlemen to her whom ah th k w dd be likely to ask
her to dance.

A good chaperon estahiishoa a sort of good-natured sur-
veillance over her young charge j if at an " At home " she
would draw her into conversation when conversing with
different friends ; and if at a ball, she would expect her
charge to return to her side after every dance, and woiild even
undergo a little extra fatigue by remaining a little later
than she otherwise would, if she thought that by so doing
she could give pleasure to the young girl chaperoned by her.
All this and much more, a good chaperon does for her
charge ; and it requires no little amount of amiability and
unselfishness to enable her conscientiously and cheerfully to
perform this r&U.

An inefficient diapcron ia a great drawback to a young
lady who enters society nnder her auspices, and a chaperon
may be inefficient from different reasons ; she may have
the will but not the power, or she may have the power bnt
not the will.

The chaperon who has the will but not the power is
kindhearted and well-meaning, and would if she only could
introduce the young girl whom she chaperons to every
eligible partner and ball-giving matron in the room ; but
failing this, and knowing scarcely anyone herself, and being
equally unknown to the many, she can do nothing for her
charge save in giving her the protection of her presence, and
sitting by her side throughout the whole evening.

The cliaperon who has the power bnt not the will
probably undertaken the office hardly knowing how

II has

<w to ■

I

i

2 12 Planners and Rules of Good Society.

gratefully refuse it. This class of cliaperon takes a young
kdy to a dance or other entertainment, bet here her kind-
ness ends, slie is completely engrossed in her oi^n amnsn-
ment dnring the whole of the evening, oblirioos and in-
different as to whether her charge is amasing herself or not,
she introduces her to no one, she looks alter her not at all,
she merely informs her as to what honr she has ordered her
cariiago.

The chaperonago of a lady with several maiTiageable
danghters of her own, is not, as a rule, the best that can be
found for a young lady, as she is generally reluctant to
divert any desirable attentions from her daughters into
other channels, and therefore her eflbrts in favour of tlie
young lady needing a chaperon, are rather of a lukewarm
character ; and yet it is precisely ladies who have daugiit«rs
of their own who are most often asked to take out or
chaperon other people's daughtei's.

The chaperonagc of a father, a brother, or uncle^ — all of
whom at times undertake the office of chaperon — however
kindly performed is seldom eriual to that of a lady, the
reason perhaps being that men, as a rule, object to seeking
for partners for their own daughters. A married lady, on
the contrary, has no such reticence. Then again, a father
or brother is too often taken up with the conversation
of his male acquaintances to be sufficiently mindful of
the claims of the young lady under his care, and thus he
nn intentionally neglects her, and slic, in consequence of Ihis
indifferent chaperonage, is likely to pass but a very dull
evening, and a dull evening is not hy any means the only
unpleasant result likely to ensue from indifferent chaperon-
age, Under such, a yonng lady too often forms what are
considered by her guardians and relatives undesirable ac-
quaintances of both sexes, and drifts into what is termed in
society, a bad set \ by associating with people who are pro-
nounced " bad style ; " and this class of intimacy is mora

Chapcrom and Ddbntantes. 213

especially likely to be formed at large towns and populous
watering-places, both at home and the eontinent, where
general society is necessarily of a very mixed character.
Parents are nafcnrally averse to their daughters forming
acquaintances with persons not in their own set, and yonng
ladies are not supposed to possess the mature judgment of
their elders, or to have that discretion and knowledge of
the world which would enable them to make a judicious
selection of associates.

When a yonng girl is left as it were to choose her own
friends, she is apt to become impatient of control, and to
adopt insensibly a tone and manner both indejiendent and
nnconventional, which is always to be regretted. As so
much of the present welfare and future happiness of a young
girl depends upon the judicious choice of her chaperoD, her
parents or guardians cannot give too much forethought when
eelecting a substituto for the performance of a duty which
they ai-e themselves unable to fulfll. It is not sofficient to say
Mrs. A. or Mrs, B, is going to such and such a place, and
will do very well as a chaperon for the girls. The girls had
to all intents and purposes better remain at home than be
trusted to careless and untried chaperonago ; and unless a
parent or relative can feel assured that the lady to whom
she confides her danghter will for the time being conscien-
tiously act towai-ds her as her representative, she would do
well to seek further for some one upon whom she could
more implicitly rely.

Chaperonage, whenever it is accoried, should always be
looked upon in the light of a favour, and should be appre-
ciated by the young lady who is the object of it.

CHAPTER XXXII.

The Aet op Eecbivisg GuESTa is a very subtle onej
difficult to acfjuire ; but when acquired and thoroughly
mastered it confers upon a miBtcesa of a house an enviable
reputation — that of being a perfect hostess.

With Bome this is in-bred, and grace and composure and
all the atlendant attributes which are to be found in this
type of hostess ait naturaUy upon them ; but the individuals
BO giiled represent the few rather than the many. A far
greater section of society has to rely upon experience to
teach them this useful accomplishment, while with others
time aloae can aid them in overcoming natural reserve, and
want of confidence in themselves, which stand in the way
of their assnming this character with anything like succesB.
Those ladies who are innately thoughtless and careless in this
respect, neither time nor experience can mould, nnd what they
are at the commencement of their career, they remain to the
endof thechapter — very indifferent hosteSiSCB. Thereare varie-
ties of hostesses, according to individual capabilities, and who
are known amongst their friends by these appellationa : first
ranks the perfect or "charminghoatess," either title suits her
equally well ; nest to her comes the "good hostess," she is
followed by the one who is " not a good hostess ; " and the
rear is brought up by the one who is decidedly "a bad hostess."
Amongst the salient points which distinguish the perfect or
charming hostess are perhaps, foremost, a certain facility of
putting each individual guest at ease, conveying that the

Hostesses.

welcome sIiq accords is a personal if not an especial one.
Simiiltaneoiisly with these agreeable impressions is con-
Tejed a sense of the hcatess's genial qnalities ; her charm
of manner, her graciousness and her courteous bearing
evincing so plainly that she is entirely mietreas of the
sitoation : these qualities insensibly react upon tlie guests,
and evoke a corresponding desire to please on their part.

The perfect hostess possesses yet another advantage, viz.,
a readiness of speech, a faculty of saying the right thing at
the right moment and to the right person, and of identifying
herself, so to apeak, with the susceptibilities of each of her
guests.

The good hostess is essentially what is known as a con-
siderate hostess ; she makes up for the brighter qnalities in
which she is lacking by her extreme consideration for her
gnests. In the charming hostess this consideration is
eclipsed by her more brilliant powers of pleasing, it per-
meates all she does, while in tlie good hostess it is her
strongest point, and npon which is founded her claim to
the name. The lady who bears the undesirable reputation
of being " not a good hostess " is not " good " in a variety
of ways ; she means well and does her utmost to succeed,
but by some contrariety of the laws which regulate domestic
and soci;il affairs, the results of her efforts are alivays the
reverse, of what she would have tliem be. The lady who is
not a good hostess sometimes suffere from shyness and
reserve which renders her stiff in manner when she would
most desire to be cordial, silent when she would be most
loquacious, and awkward when she would be at ease.

As there are many reasons why ladies prove to be good
hostesses, so there me many reasons why they prove bad
hostesses, selfishness and want of consideration for others
contribnte to these, as do procrastination and a vague idea
of the value of time. Ladies with such fanlts and weaknesses
as these produce very much the same impression upon their

2i6 Manners and Rtdes of Good Society.

gaests, although, perhaps, one is a little less culpable than
IB the olher.

Tbe Eelfish hostess ia a, had hostess, because, proyiding i
EJie is amuaed, she is utterly indifferent as to whether her
guests are amused or not, her own pltasure and gratifi-
cation being of paramount importance. Instead of being
in readiness to receive her guests she descends late to the
drawing-room to ivelcorae them, and ia indifferent as to
whether there is an3-one to greet them or not.

The procrastinating hostess, although she is equally in
faalt, yet, as she hastens to escnse herself, when lacking in
politeness to, or consideration for her guests, her Bxcuses
are sometimes admitted \ but tbe selfish hostess, if she
deigns to excuse herself, does bo with such a palpable show of
indifference as to her gnesta' opinion of her actions, that the
exciiBe is oftener than not an aggratation of tbe offence. A
lady who has no regard for time goes to her room to dress
at tbe moment when she should be descending to the
drawing-room ; or she remains out driving when she abonld
be returning ; or she puts off making some very important
arrangement for t!ie comfort or amnsemeut of her guests
until it is too late for anything but a makeshift to he
thought of, if ifc has not to be dispensed with altogether.
Everything that she does or projects is on the same scale of
procrastination ; her invitations, her orders and eng^e-
ments, are one and all effected against time, and neither her-
self nor her guests gain the value or satisfaction of the hospi-
tality pnt forth. The bad hostess walks into her drawing-
room when many of her guests are assembled, either for a
dinner-party or afternoon tea, and shakes hands in an
awkward, abashed manner, almost as if she were an unex-
pected guest instead of the mistress of the house.

The host is not at liis ease ; he is provoked at baTing
to make excuses for his wife, and the gnesta are eqnnlly
constrained.

If the tiost is of a sarcastic turn of mind, he i
refrains fi'om saying eomething the reverse of amiable to
the hostess on her entrance. " My dear," he will perhaps
remark, " you are doubtless not aware that we have friends
dining with us this evening." This remark renders the
guests even more uncomfortable and the hoGtcea less self-
possessed, and tliis is often the prelude to an inharmonious
evening, with a host whose brow is clouded and a hostess
whose manner is abashed.

The mode of receiving guests is determined by the nature
of the entertainment. A welcome accorded to some two or
three hundred guests cannot be as personal a one as that
offered to some ien to thirty guests.

Whatever disappointment a hostess may feel she should
not allow it to appear on the surface, and should not be
distrait in manner wJien shaking hands with lier guests.
At targe or small gatherings disappointments follow in the
course of events, and very few hostesses can say that they
have not experienced this in a larger or smaller degree at
each and all of their entertainments.

At a ball or evening party a hostess should receive her
guests at the head of the staircase, and should I'emain there
until the majority, if not all of the guests have arrived.

As the name of the guests are announced the hostess
sliould siiake Jiands with each, addressing some courteous
observation the while, not with a view of inducing them to
linger on the staircase, but rather of inviting them to enter
the ball-room to make way for other guests.

At a ball given at a country house the hostess should
stand at the door of the ball-room and receii'e her guests.
"When the guests have duly arrived, a hostess at a country-
house ball or country-house theatricals should esert herself
to see that all her guests are amused. If she sees that the
young liidies are not dancing she should endeavour to
find them partners. In town she is not required to do this

2i8 Manners and Rtdes of Good Society.

and if the thnperons liavo Q[i[)Liicntly no one fco talk to eha
shonld introduce one of her own relatives if she cannot
give mucli of her own attention to them, and she shonld
arrange that all her guests are taken in to supper.

At large afternoon "At homes" the hostess receives
her guests at the open door of the drawing-room, and haa
little more time to bestow upon each than at a ball or an
"At home," At small afteraoon " At homes " she shonld
receive them in tlie drawing-room, and should rise and
shake hands with each arrivaL

A hostess shonld receive her dinner guests in the drawing-
room, and should shake hands with each in the order of
arrival. She occasionally finds it a trying ordeal to sustain
conversation between the arrival of dinner guests and the
dinner being served ; sometimes this is prolonged for three-
quarters of an hour through the non-appearance of a guest
who must ho waited for. A hostess should, although she
knows that her dinner is spoilt by being thus kept back,
endeavour to make the time pass as pleasantly as possible,
by rendering the conversation general and by making the
guests acquainted with each other. The hostess who can
tide over these awkward occurrences so that the postpone-
ment of dinner from half to three-quarters of an hour ia
hai'dly perceived, proves herself to be entitled to be con-
sidered a good hostess.

CHAPTER XXXm.

Ladies are frequently solicited to allow their naniGS to
be placed on the lists of lady patroneaaea of charity balls.
A ball committee is desirous of obtaining a list of influential
names to lend Mat and prestige to the ball, and a charity
ball often numbers amongst its lady patronesses the names
of many of the leading members of the nobility, followed hy
those of the wives of the leading county gentry, or by the
principal residents of a watering-place or county town ; hut
it is understood, as a rule, that the duty of giving vouchers
or tickets for a charity bull is nadertaken by those ladies
who are more directly interested in it, whose husbands are
on the committee, who make a point of annually attending
it, and thus are principally concerned in keeping it select ;
and although in many counties and in many towns lady
patronesses, members of the nobility, do attend, yet it not
nnfrequently happens that out of a long list of gi-eat ladies
only three or four are present at a hall.

The members of the leading nobility and gentry of a
neighbourhood invariably lend their names to local charity
balls, and head the list of patrons and patronesses, but
beyond lending their names, and in some cases sending a
snhscriptiou of money towards the funds of the charity, or
Sk present of game towards the supper, they have veiy little
to do with the ball ilself, which is practically in the hands

Manners and Rides of Good Sociely.

of the local stewards. The exceptions to this mle are the
charity balls held in town during the season, such as the
Koyal Caledonian Ball, the Yorkshire, the Wiltshire, and
the Somersetshire Societies' Balls. On these occasions
many of the great ladies give vouchers and attend the
balls.

When ladies consent to become lady patronesses of a ball,
they uanally notiiy to the committee whether they will or
will not undertake the duty of giving vouchers or tickets,
as the case may be. Some ball committees arrange that
vouchers are to bo given by lady patronesses, to be subse-
quently exchanged for tickets, signed and filled in with the
name of the person to whom the ticket is given. The lady
patronesses iu this case receive the money charged for the
tickets, and forward it to tlie committee after the ball, with
any tickets that they may not have disposed of

The ladies who exert tliemselveB to bcU tickets are gene-
rally those who possess a large acquaintance, whoso htishanda
are membera of clubs ; therefore, if any person ought to be
tabooed for some good social reason, the lady patronrases
reap the benefit of their husbands' knowledge, and are thns
able to give a polite refusal when tickets are applied for for
persons who are not altogether desirable.

It IB no doubt a difScnlt and delicate task for the lady
patronesses of a large ball to keep it thoTOtighly select, and
if not very particular respecting those for whom tickets are
granted, a ball, though a full oue, is likely to prove a veiy
mixed affair, if not somewhat objectionable, by reason of
the presence of persons to whom tickets should never hare
been granted, on moral if not on social grounds ; and
though the funds of a charity may gain considerably by the
increase of numbers, through a ^sneral willingness on the
part of the committee or the lady patronesses to grant
tickets to everyone who may apply for them, yet such
policy is very short-sighted, and is seldom practised by

^^K policy

those who possess any practical knowledge in the matter,
as it is fatal to the reputation of a ball if persons who are
objectionable arc present at it.

In the case of a ticket being applied for for a person of
douhtful antecedents, a lady patraness's best course is to
refer the applicant to the ball committee for tickets or
vouchers.

Persons not well rcceiyed in society, or who have ostra-
cised themselves, have a predilection for public balls, and
make every effort to obtain tickets of admission ; and in
some cases, when a refusal has been pronounced by the
committee of a ball, the committee has been threatened
with legal proceedings.

Unmanied ladies seldom or ever act as lady patronesses,
it not being considered advisable to place the discretion of
gi'anting tickets in their hands, lest their ignorance of the
world should be taken advantage of.

The lady patronesses of a charity ball who undertake to
give vouchers or to sell tickets, usually exert themselves to
the utmost in inducing as many of their friends aa possible
to attend the bull.

It depends upon the committee of a charity ball whether
tickets are presented or not to the lady patronesses and
stewards j but if the funds of the charity are not at a
very low ebb, this is generally done in recognition of their

The responsibilities of lady patronesses of private sub-
scription balls are light in comparison with those of public
charity balls, as persons who attend subsciiptioa balls are
usually on the visiting lists of one or other of the lady
patronesses, while with regard to county balls, lady patro-
jiesEoa are not usually concerned in the disposal of the
tickets.

CHAPTER XXXIV.

PERIODS OP MOUaNMG.

The Various Peeiods op Mourning for relatives have
within fcho last few years been materially shortened, and
the change generally accepted ; hufc aa many prefer to
adhere to the longest periods prescribed by custom, in the
present chapter both periods ai'e given, and it entirely
depends upon individual feeling and circntn stances which
of the two periods is observed.

The time-honoured custom of wearing crape is gradually
waning, and with the exception of widows, many decline to
wear it at all. This innovation is making way slowly but
surely in society.

A slighter change has also taken place as i-egai-ds half-
mourning, whicli is now seldom worn, black being worn
during what was formerly the half-mourning period.

C'ODHT MouHNiNO when enjoined is imperative, the
orders respecting which are minutely given from the Lord
Chamberlain's office and published in the official Gaulle ;
but these orders only apply to persons connected with the
Court, or to persons attending drawing-rooms, levees,
courts, Btate-balls, state-concerts, etc.

"When the order for general mourning is given on the
death of any member of the Royal Family, the order applies
to all, although it is optional whether the general public
comply with it or not.

Periods of Mourning.

The EEGTmATios Peeioo for a Widow's MouRNisa
is two years ; of thia period crape Bbould be worn for one
year and nine months, for the firat twelve months the dresi
shoald he entirely covered with crape, for the remaining
nine months ifc should be trimmed with crape, heavily so
the first six months, and considerably less the remaining
three ; daring the last three months black without crape
ehoald be worn. After the two years two months half-
monrning is prescribed , but many people prefer to
continue wearing black without crape in lieu of half-
mouming.

The widow's cap should be worn for a year and a day.

Lawn cnffs and collars should ha worn during the crape
period.

After a year and nine months jet trimming may be worn.

Widowers should wear mourning for the same period,
but they usnally enter society much sooner than widows.

For a Parest the period of mourning is twelve months,
sis months black with crape, four months black without
crape, two months half-mourning.

Linen collars and cuffs should not be worn during the,
crape period, but crape lisse only. Neither should jewellery
be worn during the crape period, nor until the first two
months of hiack have expired.

For a Son or Daughter the period of mourning is
identical with the foregoing.

The Mournikq foe Infak'is or very young children is
frequently shortened to half this period, and is occaaioually
only worn for three months; and in this case crape is
oftcner than not discarded.

For a Step-mother, — The period of mourning dependa
upon whether the step-daughters reside at home or not, or

224 Manners and Ruks of Good Society.

whether their fafclier has been long married, or whether
their falher's second wife has filled tlie place of mother to
them, iu which case tho period of mourning would be for
tivelve months, otherwise the period is sis months.

FonA Brother OR Sister the longest period of moaming
is six months, the shortest period four months.

During the longest period, yiz., six months, crape should
he worn for three months, black without crape for two
months, half-mouming for one month.

During the shortest period, yiz., fonr months, crapo
should be worn for two months, and blact without crape
for two months.

For a sister-in-law or a brother-in-law the period of
mourning is the same as for a brother or sister, and tho
foregoing are the regulation periods to bo observed. Cir-
cumstances and inclination regulate the choice between the
two peiiocls.

For a GiiANnPARENT the longest period of monruiug is
nine months, the shortest period is six months.

During the longest period crapo should bo worn for three
months, black without crape for three months, and half-
monming three months.

Dnring the shortest period crape should be worn for three
months, and black without crape three months.

For an Uncle or Aust, tho longest period of mourning
is three months, the shortest period six weeks.

Dui'ing the longest period, black without crape should be
worn for two months, half mourning one month.

During the shortest period black without crape for sk
weeks.

For a Kephew or Niece, the periods of mouming are
identical with the foregoing.

Periods of Mourning. 225

Foe an Uncle ok Aunt by Mabeiagb, the period is
sis weeks black without crape.

For a great, uncle or aunt the longest period ie two
months, the shortest five weeks.

Daring the longest period black for one month, half-
mourning for one month.

During the shortest period black for five weeks.

For a Fiest Cousin the longest period is six weeks, the
shortest one month.

During the loDgest period black for three weeks, half-
mourning for three weeks.

During the shortest period, black for one month.

Foe a Second Coubin three weeks black. Mourning
for a second cousin is not obligatory, but quite optional,
and often not worn.

Foe a Husband's Kelationb, the periods of monming
are precisely the same as for blood relations of a wife, father,
mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, etc.

For a Daughter-in-law oe Son-ih-law the period Ib
the same as for a son or daughter, viz., twelve months.

For the Paeents op a Son-in-law or Daughter-ui-
LAW one month black without crape.

For the Pare>it8 of a First Wife, a second wife should
wear mourning for three months, black without crape.

Foe a Brother or Sister of a First Wipe, a second
wife should wear mourning for six weeks, but this is not
obligatory, and depends upon the intimacy existing between
the two families.

For Connections the periods of complimentary mourning

J

I

226 Manner's and Rules of Good Society.

vary from one week to three weeks, according to the degree
of intimacj existing.

Mnch latitude is allowed to gentlemen with regard to the
foregoing periods of naonming.

A hat-band ehonld be worn during the whole
jieriod, but it ie not imperative to wear suits of black longer
■ than half the periods given, save in the ease of widowers.

It was formerly the fashion to wear black when calling
at a house where the family was in deep mourning, but the
practice is now almost obsolete.

It is customary to give seryants mourning for a master
or mistress, which should be worn during the period the
members of the family are in mourning.

Mourning given to servants on the death of a son or
danghter is quite an optional matter. ,

Seclustos from Society. — The qnestion as to how soon
persons in mourning should or should not re-enter society
is in some measure an open one, and is also influenced by
the rules that govern the actual period of mourning adopted.

A widow is not expected to enter into society ander twelve
months, and daring that time she should neither accept
invitations nor issue them. Her visiting should be confined
to her relations and intimate friends. After twelve months
she should commence gradually to enter into society, but
balls and dances should be avoided during the period that
crape is worn.

For a danghter mourning for a parent the period of
seclusion is two months as far as general society is con-
cerned ; but invitations to balls and dances should not bo
accepted while crape is worn.

For a son or daughter the period of seclusion of a parent
is the same as is that of a daughter for a parent.

For a brother or Bister, the period of seclusion i
month to six wecka.

1

Periods of Mourning. 227

For grand-parents the period of eeclusion is from three
weeks to a month.

For an uncle or aunt, the period \& a fortnight to three
iveeks.

For nil other periods of mouroing, seclusion from society
ia not considered requisito.

When persons in moarning intend entering again into
society they should leave cards on their friends and .
acquaintances as an intimation that they are equal to
paying and receiving calls.

When cards of enquiry have been left, viz. : visiting

cards with " To enquire after Mrs. A " written on

the top or right-hand comer of the cards, they should
be retimied by cards with "Thanks for kind enquiries"
jWritten upon them. (See chapter on " Leaving Cards.")

Until this intimation has been given, society does aot
venture to intrude upon the secluEion of those in mourning.

Kelations and intimate friends are esempt from this
received rule.

FcifERALS. — When a death occurs in a family, as soon as
the day and hour for the funeral are fixed, a member of the
family should vrrite to those relatives and friends it is
desired should follow, and should ask them to attend.

It is a mistake to suppose that friends will offer to attend
a funeral even if they are aware of the date fixed, as they
are naturally in doubt as to whether the mourners are to
include the members of the femily only, or whether friends
are to be included also.

In the country, when a doctor has attended a family for
some years it is usual to invite him to attend the funeral of
one of its members.

In town this is seldom done, unless a medical man is the
intimate friend of the family.

In the country the dergyman of the parish reads the
4 2

r

228 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

fiiiiera! service, but in town, when the foueral takes place
at Kensal Green or Brompton Cemetery, &c, a iriend of the
family is UBually asked to officiate ; in which case it is
necesBary to make an early application at the office of the
cemetery for the use of the chapel at a particular hour.

It is cnstomary for ladies to attend the funeral of a
relative if disposed to do so, in which case they wear their
usual mourning attire, and foUow in their own carriages, or
in hired ones. ^

It is no longer the custom for gentlemen attending^
funerals to wear black silk hat-bands and scarves.

The doctor's certificate as to the cause of death ia of
primary importance, and should be obtained at the earliest
possible moment.

Meraorial cards should not be sent on the death of a
relative, being quite out of date as regards fashion and
custom.

"Wreaths and crosses of white flowers are very generally
sent by relatives and friends to a house of mourning the
day of the funeral.

When the funeral takes place before two o'clock, the
friends should be invited to luncheon. "When it takes
place in the afternoon they should be asked to return to the
bouse for tea or light refreshments.

Only immediate relatives and those whom a will concerns,
should remain to hear it read.

Id the country a family solicitor is usually invited to
attend the funeral of a client. In town he usually atrivea
when the funeral is over, to read the will

read the will I

CHAPTEK XXXV.

It greatly depends npon the views held by parents as to
the freedom of action accorded to a daughter daring lier
engagement. Some entertain the strictest ideas on this
head, and strennously put them in force.

By " strict ideas " is meant that an engaged coaple,
except in the presence of u chaperon are never, ntder any
circomstanees, permitted to enjoy a tele-A-lete, sit together,
walk together, ride together, or meet during any pai't of
the day.

"Wisdom and common-sense dictate a middle course of
action for the consideration of parents, neither granting too
much nor withholding too much.

The length of an engagement determines in most in-
stances the degree of latitude allowed. If it is to last two
months, or even less, it is usual to permit the eng^d couple
to be much in each other's society. The ciroum stances under
which this is accomplished depend upon the position of
the parents ; if wealthy, and a country house is part of
their posseBsions, the jonng lady's father should inrite the
gentlenjan engaged to his daughter ou a visit, or one or two
visits, during the engagement.

Or the mother of the bridegroom- elect should invite her
future daughter-in-law to stay with her for ten days or a
fortnight.

Etiquette prescribes that a young lady must be chape-

I

1

230 Manners and Rules of Good Society.

roned liy one of her near relatives at all public places of
amiiEemeat.

If an engaged couple move in the same set they meet
frequently at the houses of mutual friends ; they are sent in
to dinner together when dining oat.

To dance with each other at a ball, or dance more than
three or four times in succession, and when not dancing to
sit out in tea-rooms and conservatorieB, renders an engaged
conple consiiicuouB, and this is preciHcly what many mothers
are most anxious that their daughters shoold aroid being,
and would rather that they were over-prudent than that
they should run the gauntlet of genera! criticism.

The usual course for engaged couples to take is to go as
little into society as possible during their engagement, and
to make the engagement as brief as circumstances will
permit. If from various causes it must of necessity be a long
one, the only alternative for an engaged couiilc is to render
themselves as little eonspicuouB in general society as a
mntual understanding will permit.

When an engagement is first announced, if the families
are not previously acquainted, the father, mother, and re-
latives of the bridegroom elect should call on the father and
mother of the bride elect at an early date, to make the
acquaintance of the bi'ide and her family, and they should
write to the bride elect expressing their approval of the
engagement.

The calls should be returned and the letters answered
with the least possible delay.

The engagement should be atnounced to relatives and
intimate friends by tlie mother of the engaged young lady,
and if the announcement is to appear in the papers it should
be sent by Iier.

The bride should ask the sisters and cousins of the
bridegroom to act as bridesmaids in conjunction with her
own sisters and cousins.

Engaged. 231

When an engagement is broken off, all letters and presents
should be retnmed on both sides.

All wedding presents received by the bride elect should
be likewise returned to the donors.

The mother of the bride should announce to all whom it
may concern, the fact that the engagement is at an end.

THE END.

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